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  • Medha Murtagh

Episode 9 - What do I do with my shit feelings?: How to stop repressing my difficult emotions

Updated: Oct 25


In this episode, Oron chat with Susan about our tendency to repress our challenging emotions, and about genius and the best way to access it. They discuss the unproductive misunderstanding that we tend to have around responsibility and fun and how to shift it, so that we can follow the whispers of the universe to get the things that we want.. Let’s begin!


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Transcript

Oron: We are here and we welcome you.


Susan: I have curiosity around the thing that we call genius and that we’re always looking for our purpose and the inherent gift that we have. So what is genius?


Oron: Genius is alignment, and you do not only have one gift, you have many.

Susan: So if we have multiple gifts and genius is alignment, how would you describe alignment?


Oron: Alignment is dropping a away of the perceptions and paradigms and blocks and wounds that you carry superficially. It is connecting into the core of who you are with no doubt or fear or history based filter. And it is allowing what is coming from within you to express outwardly in an unrestricted, unrestrained way.


Susan: So if myself or anyone else wants to get into alignment, then that means that we have to allow ourselves to be fully expressed. Yes?


Oron: Yes. We will say, though, that it begins internally allowing yourself to express yourself freely within yourself and soothing yourself and responding positively to yourself internally is the first step. Extending that externally is the second.


Susan: Okay. So the first step then is looking at these things internally, things being for our self expression, how we feel and recognizing these feeling states. Yeah?


Oron: Yes, not just recognizing, but allowing them to be. The state of flow ultimately begins with a state of acceptance, acceptance of what is. Not acceptance of what is in a way that negates future expansion and growth. That’s not something you could do even if you tried. But acceptance of what is in terms of not fighting what is. So expressing yourself really internally is a process of seeing what is there, accepting what is there, loving what is there, allowing what is there.

Susan: Okay. Well, what if you’re really angry? How do we manage that?

Oron: You’d be really angry. You allow yourself to be really angry. You stop putting a lid on your anger and therefore do not compound it, intensify it, strengthen it. Because emotion is energy in motion and when you try to stifle it, it pushes back up. It is the analogy of a pressure cooker. It needs to be released at some point. So if you have intense anger and you attempt to block it because you are trying to be good, it will explode out of you in some way because the pressure cooker needs to release. And if it doesn’t release outwardly, it will release inwardly in the body in the form of disease. We are not advocating that you use anger in destructive ways externally. We are advocating that you are with the parts of you that feel whatever it is that they feel and you nourish them and you care for them and you listen to them and you make them feel heard and valued and valid. And from that place, as you start to feel the energy, it is kind of like fuel. Your emotions, particularly what you call your negative emotions or your with challenging emotions, are like fuel that get used up. They don’t stay with the same level of intensity that you first perceive when you turn towards them. They are particularly intense if you have been repressing them. But if you really, truly allow them, if you really experience them, if you really be with them, if you really nurture those parts of you, the fuel gets used up and then you are not in a place where you want to go and destroy the universe. You do not wish to be vindictive, you do not wish to exercise power over anyone, you do not wish to create pain in others. But you do feel that way when you have intense emotion for a reason that you then squash and ignore.


Susan: So the great mystics and ancient seers of the world often spoke of illumination. Is illumination the same as alignment?


Oron: Illumination conjures the idea of light. Ultimately, it is a matter of interpretation. But generally you can guide yourself towards what is light inwardly and that tends to lead you towards alignment rather than away from it. The things that feel dark, the things that feel heavy tend to let you know where there is a block to your alignment. So we are not saying ignore them the same as we are not saying ignore your anger. We are saying turn towards them and address them so that the light can come into those parts and lighten them. Also, you cannot divide yourself and feel like you are moving towards alignment. You cannot divide yourself and feel as though you are moving towards wholeness. But light tends to guide you towards alignment. And where there is darkness and where there is heaviness, and where there is no illumination, light can be brought into those areas via your consciousness, via your awareness. And as that happens with the love that we encourage, with the acceptance that we encourage, those darker areas, those heavy areas become illumined. And you then become more whole and therefore more connected to your genius.


Susan: So to stay connected –

Oron: and wish to add… We wish to add that you are never not whole. We are discussing your experience, which sits more superficially than the truth. But when you connect inwardly to the experience of your wholeness, when you take the light towards the dark places, that helps you to connect to your experience of your wholeness. But do not ever doubt your wholeness, no matter how fractured, no matter how fragmented, no matter how divided you feel, no matter how much you may be hating aspects of yourself, you cannot be divided. You cannot be unwhole. It is, just that there is some clearing away to do, some moving away of debris so that you can reconnect to the experience of it. But the reality of it is unquestionably there for each and every one of you. Always.

Susan: Thank you so in relation to genius, alignment and illumination and also this understanding that we must be accepting of our emotions and actually be with them so that we can feel them and experience them and move through them, what happens or why is it that we are so resistant to look at these things and be accepting of what is?


Oron: Because you have learned to sacrifice aspects of yourself in exchange for the approval of others. You have come to look externally for love and you have rejected the aspects of yourself that wish to act in ways other than those that would be appreciated by others. You have learned that love is external and so you reject yourself more, which makes you more addicted to the validation from the outside, which means you reject yourself more, which makes you more addicted to the validation from the outside, which means you reject yourself more. And until you consciously choose to break that cycle, it is a cycle that repeats. But we encourage you to look at young children who expect to have a tantrum and be loved through it. You are love. You are love. You are love. You cannot be anything other than love. But you disconnect from that and you get confused and you feel like you need to behave in particular ways in order to get the approval, i.e. the love from others. But that is not love. That is not the love that you seek. And it is not the love that will ever be able to heal the wound or fill the hole or satisfy the craving in any kind of permanent way. You have become fearful of your negative emotions. And particularly people who are in the spiritual community who have begun to understand the idea of the law of attraction, they wish to not attract negative things to themselves and accidentally believe that feeling negative emotions will create negative encounters or experiences in their lives. But the opposite is in fact true. As you move towards that part of you that needs your attention and you come not with force, not with making it wrong, not with trying to fix it or make it different, but with acceptance and with love. That is, with when you find that light within yourself, when you move towards alignment and you move towards alignment in a much more powerful way than what you ever could, when you try and pretend to feel differently than what you actually feel. You have become scared of your negative emotions and you become much more scared of them the more you repress them. Because when you repress them, like the pressure cooker analogy we used previously, they feel like they are bubbling. They feel like they are a volcano. They feel like they are going to erupt and consume you. And they feel that way more and more the more they are suppressed. So you feel as though you will be consumed by them. You don’t want to be consumed by them. And so you decide not to look at them. But we reassure you that when you actually turn towards them with the attitude of the acceptance and the love that we are recommending, the first hit of them may be surprising and there may be a lot of intensity to it. But as you feel the emotion, you use up the fuel of them and it begins to dissipate and the experience is not what you expect. Those of you that have had the experiences – and we guarantee that all of you at some point have a feeling of intense emotion and allowing yourself to feel it in the attitude of acceptance and flow, at the end of a big cry, you feel better. At the end of punching a pillow and actually feeling the feeling and expressing it and moving your own energy, you feel better. You feel – to come back to your analogy – lighter. You are illumined by the releasing and the moving of that heavier, denser energy.


Susan: So if our self expression is about fully experiencing all of our emotions and allowing ourselves to accept what is, how do we know when we’re fully expressed?


Oron: There is a tendency in humanity to want to go to the extremes. So we would invite you to gradually build your capacity. So rather than going straight for being fully expressed, just aim to express yourself more and more and more, because the subtleties of the expansion that are available to you – actually on a practical, energetic level – mean that there is no limit to it. So there’s no maximum. There is more and more self-expression. There is more and more power that can flow through you. There is more and more creative potential that can flow through you. There’s no limit to it. So you will never be in a place of being fully expressed as in that’s enough that it full stop. You are here to continue to expand, as is the universe, because the universe and you are one. So we would invite you to aim at expressing yourself more and more and more. And you will know by the feeling of it as you start to know yourself more and more, and you play with this in a conscious way, you will know the difference between expressing yourself more and expressing yourself less. So we would invite you to not consider it in terms of absolutes, but in terms of increased self-expression or decreased self-expression. Because you always be in a flux and in movement and in adjustment and expansion.


Susan: Okay. That’s a really nice way to think about it, because being fully expressed does have a limit on it.


Oron: There are no limits to who you are. Each and every one of you is capable of so much more than what you can even conceive that we remind you to not be overwhelmed by the potential. Just move forward slowly, gradually at the pace that works for you. But we remind you that so much more is available to you, and as you expand and move towards it, it will be fun.


Susan: So this is the next thing that I want you to talk about. It is bringing fun into alignment. Is it easier to get into alignment and your genius when you’re having fun?


Oron: Yes. Fun and alignment go hand in hand. Alignment feels fun and fun feels like alignment. You have learned to devalue fun. It is usually in contrast to the things that you consider important. We would invite you to inverse that relationship and consider fun and lightness your guidance. It lets you know when the energy is aligned for you. We are not saying be frivolous and forget your responsibilities because that would not feel light to you, that would not feel illumined to you. But if you start to reprioritize fun, if you reprioritize filling yourself up, having laughter, having joy, you will change your world. Fun is not frivolous. Fun is not optional if you are looking to have a life of illumined alignment.


Susan: I like that fun is not frivolous.


Oron: If you want to be a conscious creator, fun is compulsory.

Susan: Right?


Oron: Not in a way that is in any way binding because fun and binding don’t go together. But it needs to be prioritized. It needs to be valued. It needs to be embraced. It needs to be moved towards. Because fun, lightness and energetic alignment are not separate.


Susan: So what I heard you say there is that we’ve probably forgotten how to have fun and enjoy ourselves, particularly when there’s a world that feels like it’s falling down around us. So if fun is compulsory and a priority, then if we’ve forgotten how to have fun, what would be the simplest way to move into just the idea of having fun?


Oron: You haven’t forgotten how to have fun. There are moments where you are caught unawares and you break into laughter. That’s because that’s what’s natural to you and you have not forgotten how to do that. It is just that it has gone way down on the list of your priorities. So all it takes is a reprioritizing. It is a reassessment of yourself and your priorities and asking of yourself whether or not your actions are being used in support of your values and your priorities or not. You’ll find that often you fall into patterns where your behaviors and your choices are not aligned with your values, and that generally takes you away from alignment. So if you decide that alignment and therefore fun are of importance to you, just remind yourself of that in a light and playful way. It needs to be light. It needs to be playful. You cannot schedule fun in a responsibility heavy, “If I want to create the things that I want, therefore I must make sure I have fun. This is my fun time. I’m having fun now.” It can’t be not playful. It needs to be joyous and playful. And we keep reminding you to watch children, watch them, watch them and feel them. Feel their energy. Young children, they will play and they will be fully invested and fully involved in that play. You are all capable of that. You are still capable of that, even if you haven’t prioritized it for a long time. But do not tell yourself stories that you have forgotten how to have fun. You have deprioritized it, yes, but you have not forgotten it because it is completely natural to you the way you sometimes say riding a bike is and riding a bike is fun.


Susan: I want to ask something a little bit different now, because I have a horse and I’ve been working towards building trust with the horse. And that is one of the fun things that I do is go and hang out with the horse and ride the horse. Sometimes, though, she shows me her emotions and I do my best to pay attention and listen to her. But how will I know if my horse and – I believe that the animal is teaching me things all of the time, but how will I know that she trusts me?


Oron: You will feel it. You have felt it before. You have – we will begin again. Trust is not something that is earned and then maintained one hundred percent without any wavering. There are moments where she trusts you and there are moments where she doesn’t. You have felt that experience where she hasn’t trusted you and you have felt where she has trusted you. All animals, particularly horses, have got an ability to commune with you energetically. You are aware of this and we sense that you communicate with the horse not just using verbal and visual cues. You connect energetically. If you free the horse of particular pressures and expectations and you communicate and then you commune, that will create a more open space of trust. Horses, animals, they are so connected, that are so aligned, they are so in tune to so many things. But they also can fall out of alignment too. Whether or not the horse trusts you isn’t one hundred percent about you. The horse is a being, the horse is a creature, and they have got creative power in their own lives also. We understand that it can feel like your job to get the horse to trust you, but it’s your job to be the most open, the most available and the most trustworthy version of yourself that you can be and then free the horse and be there for the horse no matter what. So that there is no pressure and no enforced expectation, even in a subtle, energetic way. And that will facilitate the horse feeling from you that they are accepted unconditionally the same way that your emotions and the parts of you wish to experience.


Susan: One other question that I have is about the Earth’s frequency and the thing that I know that’s called the Schumann Resonance. Is this something that we should be in alignment with? Or is there another frequency that is where we need to be to continue to move into that space of collective consciousness that is aligned into love? I hope I’ve asked that question…


Oron: We understand your question and we would encourage you to have a much more free flowing aim rather than specifying a particular frequency with which you wish to resonate. We would encourage you to work towards rather play toward the highest, lightest frequency that you can find that is available for you in each and every moment. Having rigid ideas about things or having very specific goals can be helpful in terms of manifestation and creation sometimes. But when it comes to energetics and frequency and when it comes to getting to know yourself and when it comes to exploring your inner world and when it comes to playing with your own energy, we would invite you to use a really playful, open ended exploration and game attitude. Open ended, open ended. In the same way that we said earlier, there is no limit to what you can be. There is no limit to the self expression that you can exhibit. There is no limit to what you can create. As you play with your energetics, without a particular limited goal, a particular frequency may not appear to you if you have researched that energy as limited, but it can be. So expand your horizons. There is so much more to science and the mechanical universe than what humans currently understand. So why would you pick something so specific as your aim when you could expand and expand and expand and expand and expand and expand beyond anything that is currently understood?


Susan: Okay, so just going back to goals, then. I know that sometimes it’s good to have goals because we have something to focus on to reach and then we can expand further than that. But if we were talking about becoming… Expanding our expression and stepping further into our genius, how would you then set goals for that?


Oron: We are not anti goals. We are not saying do not have goals, but we would add something to your goals. We would add this or something better. We would add an open ended clause that allows for miracles, that allows the magic that allows for more than what you have conceived of. Because we guarantee you the universe is capable of creating more than what your mind is able to perceive as possible for you. Much, much, much, much more. So whatever goal planning you do, if it feels aligned for you, fantastic. Follow that. Use goals, but still be open to the possibility, the probability, the likelihood that there is more available to you than what you can even perceive. Because humans, even when you dream big, you tend to have limits. It can be bigger. It can be better, it can be more aligned, it can be more energized. It can be more illumined. It can be more. You can be more. So keep the open endedness to your goals and have goals if they feel light. If they feel heavy and like pressure, let them go and be more open ended. But open endedness and goals matching up, going together and guiding you forward without a limit, that is when your energy expands and when you move towards expansion, which is ultimately all you ever seek. Expansion, connection, expansion, connection, they other things that are guiding you forward. They are the things that are calling you forward. And they are what is meant for you. They are what you are here to experience for the fun of it, not to fix the planet, not to fix yourself, not to heal humanity. You are here for the lightness and the joy and the fun. And that is why fun is so important. The lightness and the joy and the expansion of you helps facilitate, supports the lightness and the expansion and the healing of the entire planet. The entire population of the planet and the universe.


Healing is not necessary. But as the perceived blocks are being looked at currently, given the situation that the world is finding itself in, it is a word that is helpful. But ultimately, you do not need healing. You need connection. You are seeking connection with the deepest part of yourselves. You feel as though the outside world can give it to you. It can give you lightness, it can give you fun, but it won’t ever ultimately satisfy the need unless you satisfy the need first. And when you do, the universe will mirror that back to you. And that is when you can have the miraculous lived experience that you are all seeking and craving. It is possible for you. It is probable for you. There is a inner connection that needs to happen. That is all. That is all. It is not hard. It does not have to be hard. It does not have to be hard. It does not have to be hard. Lightness, joy, love. Ponder those things. Contemplate those things. Activate those things in you, and then watch your world transform. We love you. We love you. We love you. Go well.



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