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  • Medha Murtagh

Episode 103 – Practical, real time spirituality:

clearing up common misconceptions that limit our growth


In this episode, I talk you through my personal process to practically clear up some common misconceptions about living spiritually that limit our growth, expansion and joy.


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Transcript

In last week's podcast episode, I spoke to you about how to move from fighting the universe to not fighting the universe. We often need to do the opposite of what we think we need to do to do it genuinely and authentically. We actually need to move towards the end of fighting rather than away from it. In last week's episode, I spoke about it in a pretty abstract way. So in today's episode, I'm going to explore it in a practical and deeply personal way.


Let's do it. Welcome to A Clear Perspective, the podcast that helps you remember who you really are, what you really want, and the easiest way to get it. I'm Medha, and I'm a direct voice channel for Oron, who give us straight talking, practical guidance to help us live joyful lives of abundance, ease and positive impact the way we were meant to.


If you've been following me for a while or hearing any of my stuff for a while, you'll know that I really profoundly care about being transparent about my own process, because I think it's super important for everyone to know that we all go through this stuff. It's common for us, when we're doing the personal evolution, the spirituality work, for us to feel as though we're hitting the same things again and again and again. And usually what we're doing is going deeper. But more than that, I feel like the spirituality personal development stuff is often spoken about in general terms, and that can be really helpful for overall picture and perspective. But I think that when we get down to the nitty gritty of stuff, it gets a little confusing and we can tie ourselves up in knots.


So that's why I'm really deeply committed to being transparent with you as I do my process for myself to evolve my consciousness, to move through blocks, to allow myself to expand, to support myself. And I want to share that with you in a raw, authentic, unedited kind of way, which is why I make sure that I record this stuff as it's happening. If you listen to last week's podcast episode, you know that I'm currently moving through a pretty intense situation where my dad was unexpectedly diagnosed with a brain tumour. Where we are right now is that dad has had the operation and thankfully he has recovered quite well from the surgery. The situation, though, that we've been in has been incredibly difficult, not just because of what we're dealing with, but also because although the hospital has done many things in a really amazing way, there are also other things, like communication, that have not been, in my personal experience, done in a way that's always super compassionate to the family.


I really, truly believe in the idea of having a good attitude and being patient and trying not to push the universe right. Like, that's actually how I want to live. I want to live in a way where I flow with situations as much as is available to me in each and every moment. And I want my skill set in not fighting, in not pushing and not trying to force my will into the universe. I want that to be how I live more and more.


I want it to be a skill set that I grow and evolve and this situation has given me lots of room to move and play and also stick my finger up at the universe and get angry about and move through a whole bunch of emotion. One of the things that's been the most difficult for me is the not knowing. And I understand not knowing when the information is not yet known. But what I'm not a massive fan of is the fact that the hospital has had the information about whether or not my dad's tumour is cancerous for quite a while and that still hasn't been given to us or to my dad. We were told that the biopsy results were going to be available for us last Monday.


I'm recording this on a Monday. So last Monday the results were meant to be ready and available and we were meant to find out whether dad's going to need chemotherapy and radiation and all the rest of the stuff or if he just needs to recover from a benign tumour that was removed from his brain. So we were told that information would be made available to us. A week ago, I rang the hospital like nine or ten times and left messages every time saying, please, can someone tell us the results? We need to know the results.


What happened with a biopsy? And I was getting nothing back, like no callbacks, no response, no anything. So I'm just ringing, leaving messages. So this is what I want to share with you. I was fucking furious yesterday at the fact that this information is held by them.


It's ready, it's available, the results are there, but it's not being shared with us in a timely manner and they're not even replying or responding to my consistent attempts to call and find out the information that we need. So I want you to think about the fact that I am deeply and profoundly committed to not finding the universe, to flowing with things. That's how I want to live, right? So if I am yesterday in the situation of yes, that's my values, of who I want to be and how I want to interact with the world and how I want to live, but also simultaneously, I am dealing with the human personal emotions of bloody hell, just tell us the information that you already have and stop dodging my phone call. So I was in the tension of that yesterday and I was able to watch myself be tempted by the idea of superimposing my idealised version of myself.


So the version that I wish to be, of not fighting and not pushing, I could feel myself be tempted to try to rush me from the place where I was, which is, fuck this, this is ridiculous. You should give us the information you need to be compassionate of our circumstances and not just us, but other families. Like, I was really railing against the fact that I was getting nowhere with trying to get this information. I was tempted to try and fast forward myself from there to accepting the fact that I didn't have the information and accepting the fact that the medical system is the way it is because it is the way it is. I felt myself wanting to drop the fight before I was ready to drop the fight.


And if I had done that. If I had tried to argue myself out of my emotion. With the logic and with reminding myself of my commitment to not fighting the universe and not pushing the universe as tempting and alluring as that is. Because my commitment to living that way is strong. If I had done that before I was ready.


I would have blocked my own energy and I would have been restricting myself. Rejecting myself and squashing my own emotions. Which never goes well. I've been doing this long enough to be self aware enough that I was able to watch myself be tempted. And then I had the space where I could choose.


I could choose whether I was going to try and get to a more highly evolved, idealised version of me, which is, well, this is how it is. We have to flow with how it is. And I can have my intention and I can have my desire, but I'm not going to fight and just attempting to drop the fight. But I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for that.


So I had the choice. So I had the conscious awareness enough to realise that I didn't have it in me to genuinely get to that place. And so what I did instead was an about faith. It's like I turned more profoundly towards my anger, my rage, my irritation. And I did this in a safe place, I did this in a safe way.


I did it not in a way where I was yelling at the hospital people, where I was like, expressing myself in violent rage and aggression. What I did was, in the quiet space of my own self, I really went into those feelings of, this is fucking shit. We should know this already. This has been going on for weeks and weeks and weeks and we should within that number of weeks, three weeks, whatever it's been, we should have the answer that they already have about whether or not we're dealing with cancer and what is in store for us. I let myself be really pissed off at that.


And not just for myself and my dad and my family, but for all of the people who are impacted in this way, because that not knowing for us humans it's really challenging. And again, I am training myself to be comfortable with not knowing. That's another one of the values that I wish for myself in terms of how I interact with myself and my world. I am really consciously trying to build the muscle of being comfortable with not knowing because that's the most empowered space to be able to live from. When I'm, like, gripping and grasping for an answer or knowing what's going to happen, there's tension in that.


There's no flow in that. So despite the fact that that is actually how I want to live and how I want to be, what I now know for sure is that the way to actually get there in order to live from that place in a way that's true and authentic and not me bullshitting myself. The way to do that is to allow that to come up from the core of me to the surface, which is the opposite of trying to superimpose something that theoretically looks good and feels good over the top of what's actually there, which is pain or confusion or fear or whatever. And so I turned to those feelings and let them be. I let them have validity.


I let them be as strong as they need to be so that they were genuinely expressed emotions inside of me and not in any way repressed. I let myself really be there.


And what happened as a result of that is that I used up the feeling of it. I used up the quantity of feeling that I was able to access in that moment. And so then, like, once that fuel had been used up, once I had felt that all and I had, like, moved my way through it, then it was so much easier for me to allow from within myself to arise more to the surface, the feeling of, well, there really isn't that much I can do about this right now. I have done my best to try and get the information that my family leaves and there's nothing that I haven't done. There's no stone unturned.


I've given it my best. Go. And the medical system is the way the medical system is. And each of those people in the medical system, I'm sure, are doing their absolute best to support families going through stuff similar to us. And if they each, as individuals had a choice, I'm sure they wouldn't.


Withhold that information from me and my family for days and days and days, I could only genuinely truthfully allow that to arise within me once I had given space and I had been with and communed with the feelings of fuck this shit. And so right now I sit here sharing this with you from a place of still not knowing whether Dad's tumour was cancer or not. Still not knowing if now he just needs to recover from his surgery or if we need to be preparing for chemo and radiotherapy and all that other stuff. I did get a phone call today, which was an admin person from the hospital telling me that someone should ring me today with the results. So it's interesting that after I moved through that process, after days and days and days and days of no one even returning my calls, the day after, I kind of really let myself process those emotions because for days I wasn't ready.


That's another thing that's important. I wasn't ready to really sit with those emotions when I had already called the hospital, like, maybe one, two, maybe three days, I was still not ready to sit with those emotions of being so outraged and so upset. And so it's a fine balancing act, superimposing positivity or superimposing the ideals that we have for how we want to live. Such as, I don't want to fight the universe, or I want to learn to be comfortable with not knowing what the outcomes of things are in advance or what the results of tests are. That might be how I wish to leave.


But trying to superimpose that over the top of parts of me that are not yet ready for it is extremely ineffective. It just creates a pressure cooker situation because I'm pushing down on all of these emotions that need to come up. And it's exhausting for me. And I end up exploding all over something anyway. Which makes it much messier than when I allow myself.


When I have the resources available to me. To actually move into the place of experiencing consciously all of the shitty. Hard. Challenging. Sticky emotions that we tend to shy away from.


And so I share this with you because it's the practical, actual, lived experience side of all of the stuff that Auroran teaches us and that spirituality teaches us, but I think is somewhat misunderstood when it's kept as this high level theoretical thing. We need to be able to do this in the heat of living. Like when your dad gets a tumour out of nowhere or when you get a divorce or when you lose your job or getting more involved. Doesn't mean that bad shit doesn't happen. It's not like we can vibrate our way as insurance that keeps us safe and secure from any negative bad thing happening in our world.


We don't evolve enough that nothing difficult or challenging ever happens again. Because as we evolve our consciousness, our ability to perceive minute disruptions in energy becomes bigger and bigger and bigger. And so there's always going to be stuff, but that's okay, because the more we clear away the stuff, the more we create room for awesome and more awesome and more awesome. And there's no limit to how much of that awesome there can be. But that doesn't mean that sometimes it doesn't feel shit.


I am really impressed with the level of resilience that I've had as I've been moving through all of this. I am. But that doesn't mean that there hasn't been times where I've just been boiling my eyes out or being angry at the universe or whatever it is that I need to feel in each and every moment. Some of it is great, some of it is fucked. But fucked as in difficult, not as in wrong.


And I think that's where we get confused, because all those challenging emotions, deep down, we know that we're meant to feel expansive and joyful, and so the emotions that feel the opposite of that can be easily interpreted by us as being wrong. And I think that's where we get caught up so much in this work. There's one more thing that popped into my consciousness that I'm going to say before I end, and I've said it in a few different places. I'm not sure if I've said it on the podcast before, but I've had a couple of really good conversations with some clients recently about the fact that the divine, the universe, god, if you want to call that, however you conceive of it, even just the energy, the energy of the universe, there's a level at which we can misinterpret what we need to be around that. So I'll say that differently, so it's more clear.


I think that definitely for me and definitely for at least some of my clients, and I generally think probably most of the people who have a concept that there's something bigger. I think there's a sense that we feel like we have to be reverent or respectful or good. And I think that that comes from the feeling still that we need to be good in order to earn the love of the divine, the universe, the energy, whatever you want to call it. One of the most profoundly transformative things that I've done. And this might be difficult for some people to hear.


So I don't ever want to be asking you to let go of your discernment. Your discernment about whether what I say is the right fit for you or not is really important. So I'm not telling you that you need to believe this. I'm telling you what my experience and perspective is. But this feels to me really, like, mind blowingly important.


One of the most profound things that I've ever done is to tell the universe to get fucked. And the reason that that was so incredibly empowering for me, and I've done it multiple times now, and it actually brings me to a closer, more authentic, genuine connection in my relationship with the universe because it allows me to feel that I genuinely am loved unconditionally. I used to feel like I had to be good, I had to be perfect. I had to please the energy, I had to please the universe in order to be granted the things. And I thought I had to be a certain way for that to happen.


If you've ever seen a little kid who's really deeply, profoundly upset and they say, to their primary caregiver because of someone who's a safe person, they say, I hate you. That feeling, that statement, that is a really big movement of energy. And if the parent is a safe, conscious person and they allow that child to have that tantrum, and then when they're done and when they're spent, they're there still with them and they're holding them and hugging them and saying it's like, hey, I love you. And whatever conversation needs to be had about whatever happened can happen at a later date. But that feeling of being loved unconditionally, I have received many times after I've done what might seem sacrilegious or offensive, which is to really let the universe have it.


I'm not saying you need to do anything with that, but I am offering it to you because freeing myself from that idea that I had to still be perfect to get the love of what I consider something kind of bigger than my individual person, me feeling that unconditional love was really transformative for me now. And now I genuinely, truly feel like I can be myself with the universe. Or sometimes I do think of it as God, I can just be myself and I don't need to be perfect. And there's a genuineness to my connection now to all of that energy that wasn't available before when I was under the illusion that I had to be perfect. I didn't expect to talk about any of that, but there you go.


That's where my consciousness led us today. Thank you again for all of the love that I have received and all of the support through this challenging time. I'm doing really well, like really well, and I'm evolving a lot through it. And I also really appreciate the support and the love and the fact that you're interested in this and that you're hearing it. And I am so excited about this going out into the world in a broader way.


The idea that we don't have to be perfect to be loved, the idea that we don't have to behave in perfect ways in order to be loved. The idea that we don't have to reject our feelings because they don't match our idealised versions of ourselves. The fact that turning towards the difficult, shitty feelings is actually the way to get through to the authentic expression of ourselves. It's so common. Like, people who want to trust, for example, feel like they need to cut out the mistrust that cut out the lack of trust in themselves.


People who want to be brave feel like they have to get rid of the fear, but it isn't like that. It's actually turning towards the parts of us that don't trust and dealing with that, hearing them, healing them, that allows us to move into trust. It's addressing fear, moving towards what's going on there for us, energetically, emotionally, psychically, mentally, that allows us to move into trust. And so that's my process for now. I leave it with you.


And I hope that you are as self loving and as self supportive as you can possibly be in each and every moment, because you deserve the love, you deserve the support. There's no part of me that's bad, and there's no part of you that's bad, but sometimes there are parts of us that want to be heard a little more and a little more and a little more. And if you want some more help with the practicalities of that, I highly recommend that you get yourself the Return to Wholeness mini course. It's free. I want this out there for people.


You'll get the details of that in the outro. Thank you. I know that the practicalities of doing this work can be a little confusing. If you want some practical support with it and you prefer a do it yourselves option, then be sure to grab the free Return to Wholeness mini course, you'll find that at oronandmedha.com/wholeness. If you prefer more personalised support, you can now book a private zoom call with me where I'll personally take you through the Return to wholeness process.


If that sounds good to you, go to oronandmedha.com/session. You'll find the link to both of those in the show notes. Thanks for listening.


And in the words of Oron, go well.




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