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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 20 - Why do I struggle to enjoy my own success? When play feels like a waste of time

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

In this episode, Oron chat with Sami about their perspective on future predictions. They explore the pain of being estranged from people you care about, how to deal with someone you want to forgive, but can’t

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Struggle to enjoy own success [00:00:18] Play feels like a waste of time [00:04:36] Negative reactions to our growth [00:11:45]


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Oron: We are here and ready.

Suzanne: Thank you. I’d like to ask about. A fear of achievement, as in when you finally achieve something that you’ve been working towards and you have that sense of excitement, but then you don’t actually really allow yourself to feel it because you have this fear that you won’t do it again. It’s a fluke that’s now become a gold standard and anything less measure up.

Oron: The foundational piece of that is two fold. One part of it is a lack of feeling of worthiness, and the other part is the lack of the feeling of trust.

So if that is a regular pattern for you, we invite you to either play with what has happened in the past or what may happen in the future in a way of discovery, inquisitiveness, playfulness, rather than seeing it as a difficult problem that must be overcome by you inquire as to the energetic breadcrumbs that are present in the moment, and you will find that that will lead you to the feeling of not worthiness and also the feeling of lack of trust, both in yourself and in the universe, to create things that are more than what you have lived before.

You expand your experience when you reach for something new and achieve it. There is a period in which you need to stay there momentarily to become comfortable and acclimatize to the new levels that you have achieved. And from that space, you are capable of dreaming bigger and bigger. But if you achieve the thing and immediately bump up against the block of a lack of trust or be lack of worthiness, you will start to feel heavy and a little bit tense rather than enjoying the bliss of the expansion that you have created for yourself.

Does that answer your question?

Suzanne: Yes, yes. Thank you. So it feels like the lack of trust. Definitely. And trust in self and trust in the universe and the lack of worthiness. And I guess that’s the deeper part that resonated. It’s like now, that’s done, now that you’ve achieved it, are you worth it? Yes, so.

Oron: We will interrupt you to say we would encourage you to dialogue, to commune with, to be with, to hold and to nurture the part of you that wonders if it’s worth it, because moving on to the next achievement will create the same result. If you do not do this process of bringing into the fold the part of you that feels separate, the part of you that feels as though it is not worthy of what it is that you are creating, if you do not address that with a loving acceptance of a kind of open hearted mother, if you could bring that experience to your own self and the part of you that feels unworthy, those blocks would melt away and that part of you would become.

An instrumental part of the creation process for you going forward rather than the block that you experience it presently.

Suzanne: That makes sense because it’s almost like currently. Part of me feels more comfortable in the struggle than success.

Oron: That is because struggle feels familiar, and that is because you believe that you have to struggle in order to earn the things that you wish to create for yourself. Nothing could be further from the truth. You could flow. You have had experiences of creating magical aligned results in the past, and that is what your future can be also. It’s also a matter of what experiences of yours you give more credence to, more credit to, more attention to, more air time to. You will find if you look that you give a lot more of that to the negative experience and the magical positive ones that you have, in fact, created for yourself regularly for a long period of time now.

Suzanne: Yes. Yes, I find it interesting when you mention playfulness, like I feel I can hear the truth in that, but I also feel it doesn’t feel – not align, but it feels immature. I don’t know. Like, not serious, but obviously playful, but I have some resistance to playfulness.

Oron: That is because, again, you really feel as though you need to earn all of the things and there is an equation in not just you, but lots of humanity at present where the equation is play is not important. Serious work is important. You need to prioritize serious work and not spend time and energy in frivolous play. But the misunderstanding that is at the core of that is that play and alignment and expansion are of a similar vibration and struggle, and pushing and earning is in a much more contracted vibration. So if you think about the things that you want to earn or create for yourself, they are of expansion. They are not of contraction. And so you are not going to flow into the creation of expansion with heaviness and with pushing and with forcing and with difficulty and with telling yourself that you do not have the — correction and with telling yourself that you have to earn your play time. You do not have to earn anything and you do not have to earn your play time play in the most connected, aligned form is your guidance. Because as you play, as you expand into that playful, joyous following of what feels good to you in the moment, we are going to take this on a different tangent. There is a feeling that because when something feels important to you, it is serious. That is. Give us a moment. (Oron goes silent for long time)

You have been taught over time in your relationships, particularly as you were growing up, that you have to earn the things you have to earn, the smiles you have to earn the right to get the toys, the rights to the dessert that you want. You have to earn the approval of others in order to be granted the things. That is not the reality of how the universe functions and how the universe works when you’re in a state of play, you are often in a different vibration to the vibration that you inhabit when you’re in a place of lack of worthiness. When you are in a state of play, you’re often in a different vibration, the vibration that you inhabit when you’re in a place of lack of trust. Play is available to you when you feel safe and when you feel worthy, you are not capable of play. When you feel like you need to spend all your time and energy achieving, doing and earning. That does not mean that play is not in alignment. It means that there is a misunderstanding in place about what gets you to the place of alignment that then allows your effort to be joyous and the results that you create from that joyous effort to be miraculous play is the doorway to expansion. It is not the doorway to lack of responsibility. There is a belief that play is frivolous, that you may, if you move too deeply into the play realm, be irresponsible and not honor of the responsibilities that you have entered into.

We remind you that you value being responsible. So as you move more and more into that playful state, you are not all of a sudden become someone who does not care about meeting her responsibilities, because that is not your values. It is not who you are. And we remind you that you have discernment always. You are always making choices. So why not bring the energy of play to the fulfillment of your responsibilities rather than thinking that they are opposite energies because they are not responsibility and play can go together.

They are not diametrically opposed the way you have been conceiving them.

Suzanne: That’s excellent. Thank you. Because that is going to be my next question when I do allow when I do have that real sense of peace or joy or presence or whatever term it is. It’s almost not with guilt because I don’t want to come back. I won’t stay there.

Oron: That the reason that you don’t want to come back is because you are either or in these experiences presently, you haven’t managed to blend them in a way that feels balance to you.

So you feel like you have to choose between one or the other. But that is not the reality. And we wish to clarify something further. If you have been listening to us, you know that we use the example of children often to signify playfulness and allowing and self-worth. That is a really excellent example that you can tune into energetically in order to hear what we’re saying. The problem is that you look at children and you see that they would probably choose ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner if you allowed them.

You see them making choices that you do not consider responsible. And so you then attribute that energy of childlike playfulness with silly choices. The optimal situation for an adult being is to have the discernment and the playfulness come together. If you are very discerning in yourself and we know that you have developed an ability to hear your body in a deep way, more now as you are able to hear your body in that deep way, your body will not be thrilled by the idea of you consuming ice cream for every meal.

It will not ask you for that. So we invite you to conceive of the connection of your discernment with your playfulness. We are not asking for you to let go of your judgment and your knowing and your adult progress that you have made. Otherwise, we would encourage you all to just stay children. That is not the premise. That is not the point. And that is not the guidance. It is to blend the adult with the playfulness, magical wonder of a child.

That is what we present to you and what we offer to you, because it’s actually who you are in the core of your being. At the core of you, you are both of those things.

Suzanne: Yes, that makes sense. I love the clarity. Thank you. The child does being irresponsible – see the child playfulness but the lack of responsibility to the marrying or blending the playfulness and discernment seems to have responsibility? That’s clear. So I suppose the only other question I have that comes up kind of on a tangent. But If I’m acting with these things like I’m feeling worthy and I’m feeling playful and I’m. Going in this way, which is against the grain of what I’ve been taught or what other people do. Do you have any suggestions of how to deal with the feedback or the unwanted comments you get from people about what it is that you’re doing.

Oron: Yes, accept them as they are and free them to be themselves and free them to respond to you in whatever way they will, because the truth is they will respond to you in whatever way they will.

This is again, a boundary trust and self-worth issue, and this is something that is very prevalent in humanity at present because you are such sensitive beings, you can feel deeply when you are feeling rebuked by somebody. We invite you to come back to that space of being the nourishing, loving, kind mother energy for yourself and nourish and support yourself and love yourself through anybody’s feedback to you about anything, including ours. If you are feeling completely supported, loved, worthy and valued and prioritized inside of yourself, there is nothing that someone else can say to make you feel otherwise.

But there are parts of you that are feeling the opposite. Then their words will activate that. So we bring you back to the beginning. Find the pieces of you, the parts of you, the sections of you that do not feel worthy, that do not feel that they can prioritize what they wish, that do not feel that they can have what they want, that do not feel that they can follow what feels good to them without the approval of others and bring that beautiful, loving, nourishing energy to them, deal with their concerns, deal with their fears, addressed them, love them, adore them.

And you will find those blocks melting away, melting away and allowing you to become much more whole. We remind you that you are whole, that we want you to feel whole. We want that to be your experience of yourself, with yourself, with the world. And as you go forth and interact with others from that place, you are a beacon of light. You emit an energy and a vibration that will impact those around you and free them to respond to that impact in whatever way they choose.

Sometimes they will be triggered by it because they will not feel that they are able to reach that same level of vibration that you are modeling for them that may give them negative emotions and they may respond negatively to it. That is OK. Soothe your self, soothe yourself through it, love yourself through it, and make more positive energy and free them to respond to that in whatever way they choose. They are free to choose for themselves. And we remind you that the moment that they are ready for expansion, they will be supported and resources will be provided.

But you are not in charge of their development and neither are we. Resources are available to anyone who is ready and all they need to do is ask, but they need to ask, allow them to be as they are, allow yourself to be your authentic self and love yourself through any of the bumps that you feel and experience as you move to a more awesome experience of yourself on this wonderful journey called Life. We love you. We love you. We love you. Go well.

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