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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 96 – I can't seem to stop sabotaging myself:

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

staying centered when there's outside pressures

If you’ve ever asked yourself ‘why do i keep holding myself back’, or ‘why do i always stumble after a success’, then this a channelled message about self sabotage is for you.

The reasons people hold themselves back may appear complex on the surface, but they are simpler than they appear.

If you want to stop sabotaging yourself, getting a clear understanding of why we hold ourselves back, the practical steps to stop self-sabotage in this video will help you free yourself from self sabotage, so that you can start taking lots of steps forward without taking lots of steps back.

This episode also includes a channelled message about dealing with outside demands.

Stay connected with yourself when everyone wants something from you is more than a little challenging.

When you keep getting buffeted by outside pressures, it’s hard to stay connected to your wisdom. But staying centered when there's outside pressures is how you learn to master life.

If you find it hard to take care of yourself when there are so many other demands,

There are healthy ways for you to stay grounded when there is so much to do and even to prioritise self care even when everyone needs something from you.

This episode of channelled wisdom will help you get started.

Listen and subscribe now on your favourite podcast app

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I can't stop sabotaging myself [starts at 00:00:16]

I keep getting buffeted by outside pressures from my family [starts at 00:07:39]


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Oron: We are here and ready. How can we be of service today?

Julie: I would like to know why I keep on sabotaging myself. I've made big steps and every time I see myself shooting myself in the foot again. It doesn't stop.

Oron: The reason that you feel that you keep sabotaging yourself is because there are really valuable and important pockets of you that are not yet on board for some of the steps that you wish to take. And there is a large part of you that is on board which makes it a little bit more challenging for you to hear the more quiet parts.

There is often a feeling with friends that wish to create things that are more than what have been before. There is a feeling of the alignment of the desire because they are so deeply, profoundly connected to the aspect that holds that desire and the vision of what is possible. But the most cohesive way to move forward to creating the more without creating what you consider sabotage is to ensure that the aspects and parts and pockets of energy of you that are not so sure about the move that you're making, rather than being silenced, are heard.

There is an inner process of connecting with the self and opening up to a level of acceptance that is beyond what has been before that will allow you to nurture, encourage and tend to the aspects who don't often share their concerns with you on a conscious level. But the turning your attention and your consciousness towards them with the intention of hearing them will be what they need in order to provide you with the information that you need.

There are some things in the dreams that you are attempting to manifest for yourself and the things you are trying to create in your world, there are some things about it that are not quite in alignment enough that it can come to you in a flowing way. That is not the universe decreeing you not able to have. It is not the universe deciding that you need more blocks. It is nothing like that. But what does happen is your energetic system, your consciousness and the universe conspire to show you what is next for you to look at so that you can create a level of smoothness in your journey forward to the more.

There is much understanding in humanity and it is growing about the importance of mindset and positive thinking. And although that is incredibly valuable and the power of your intention is extraordinary, there is not yet as much understanding of the requirement of bringing acceptance and openness to the parts of you that you sometimes consider in opposition to the things that you wish to create or scared of them or in doubt about your ability to have them.

It is as though you could consider these pockets of energy small children. And as you take that attitude to them, as you feel yourself having compassion for them, and as you fuel yourself encouraging them and wanting to hear their concerns and discovering what is really going on for them - what are their fears? What are their worries? What are some ways that you can co-create together in order to address them so that the parts of you that were previously frightened and quiet can become more loud and more seen? And not only that, as you do that process more and more, rather than holding you back and feeling as though that they are blocks, they will feel like jet propulsion fuel to take you to what it is that you want.

Because we will remind you of this. Every single part of you is valuable and every single part of you is incredibly powerful. And the universe responds to the totality of you, every aspect of you. And so it behooves you to take the time to align with the parts that may not yet be exactly aligned with the things that you want. And what you will discover as you do this work in a more deep way, in a more profound way, is that the parts of you that have been in fear, that have been in doubt, that you have in some ways considered blocks and sabotages, what they actually are is unconditional love for you. They are pockets of energy. There are parts and aspects of you that are doing the best that they can to protect you from something or to create something for you that may not be aligned with what the rest of you wishes. But until you open up those lines of communication, you stay at an impasse and you stay feeling as though you are being blocked when what you are really doing is being loved and protected just in ways that do not feel efficient to the rest of you.

The opening up of the communication is what creates the space to allow the healing to happen, that will allow you to move forward to the things that you want. Because those things are still there and available to you, although some of them have changed forms because you are different than when you first initially wanted them. You are capable of creating amazing things for yourself and amazing levels of flow also. But it will be a lot more of a smooth ride and you will feel a lot more like you are attaining the things that you want in your external 3D world when that inner communication is happening and that bolstering of the fearful parts is happening. So that the fearful parts no longer feel fearful but actually start to feel excited and supportive of what it is that you are attempting to create.

Do you have any more questions?

Julie: No. That makes so much sense.

Oron: We are happy and we wish to guide you back to something that we point to you always. The reason it makes sense to you is because deep down you have known this inside of yourself and it is a resonance with your own knowing, with a connection to the information and the energy that we are giving you. There is a lightness and a joy that you are wanting to recreate for yourself and re access to yourself so much more so that lightness and that joy comes with you on the journey and it doesn't feel as heavy.

And we wish to remind you, dear one, that these aspects of you that you have conceived as blocks and limitations, the reason that it feels heavy is because they are closed pockets of energy. They are kind of shut down, they are somewhat disconnected. And it is that disconnection that creates that lack of vibrancy that you are sometimes experiencing.

But as you do this more and more and as you learn to support and love and accept and appreciate and bolster those parts of you that have previously been in the dark, you will start to feel life is more joyous for you, life is more fulfilling, life is more bright, life is more fun. And the process of doing that in the inner world will create mirror effects of that for you in the outer world. And we are excited to see this unfold for you.

This does not need to be as hard as you sometimes perceive that it is. There is the possibility for you to get support with it, but know that what you are really doing is learning to support yourself from the inside. You have learned to create structures outside of you that create some support. But this inner structure of support with self, encouragement of self. Love of self - and more than that - acceptance of all of the parts and seeing the value of all of the parts and not just the ones that you deem good, it will be as though you are being reconnected to your battery and you will have more energy available to pursue the things that you love and not just things that are productive. But also things that are just fun.

Julie: I keep getting buffeted by outside pressures with my family.

Oron: Part of the guidance that we are providing you in terms of inner connection with self is going to prove the resolution that you have when your connection with yourself is no longer able to be buffeted by the outside world.

We know and can feel inside of you that there is a desire to stay solid and centered inside of yourselves, even when you are in the eye of the storm. And that is a difficult thing to achieve when your energy is split and divided in the way that we have described.

The process of coming inwardly and bolstering yourself from the inside is part of the infrastructure of support that will then allow you to stay solid to what feels true to you. Right now, when you are in the eye of the storm and it is all coming at you and people have demands and desires, there is a losing of the self that is currently happening. But that is not something that needs to be a permanent state. And as you start to reconnect and rebuild those interconnections with yourself, the other magical, amazing side effect or benefit from that process will be that you will be much more connected to your knowing. You will know inside of yourself if it is beneficial for you and the world for you to take this action or that action. You will know that, not because any guarantees will be provided, but because you will feel the rightness of it, the energetic congruence of it. If someone is asking you for something and you are unsure whether saying yes or saying no is more aligned for you, there is a level of draining that that energy exchange creates and you then have less resources to either enact or not enact the thing that you need to decide whether or not you will do.

But when you are more fortified. When you are more full. When you are more inwardly supported. When you feel inside of yourself that all of you is acceptable and lovable and deserving of the good things that you wish to create for yourself, as you feel that more and more, you will be more resourced. And because you will have developed that inner communication with the aspects of you. You will be building the muscle of the inner communication with your own wisdom. Which means that you will be able to hear it so much more loudly and so much more clearly. And so you will be able to stand in solid connection with self and your own knowing and your own guidance and be able to love the people around you, but allow them to do their dance in whatever way they are choosing that you cannot control without them necessarily bumping you as they do it.

We will share one more thing with you. Your heart is looking for not just joy but also love and connection. It is as though all of the responsibilities and the must and the shoulds have been weighing on your heart and it's feeling a little tired and it would love to be more connected to the bubbles of joy and love. And although you experience love clearly there is more resonance that your heart can have with that vibration and the energy that feels lighter.

But as we say all of this, the deeper message that we have for you is that nothing is wrong. There is nothing wrong with you. There is just more potential for you to experience more lightness, more joy and more connection. This does not have to be an arduous thing and we are not attempting to hand you a stick with which to beat yourself because that is what most humans do when they discover that there are potential ways that they could be doing things better. But what that does, dear human friends, is split your energy and create a feeling of lack of safety inside of yourself.

All of your hearts wish to feel safe and they primarily wish to feel safe with you. And that connection with the self is so profoundly important because it is the vehicle through which you experience your connection to every single thing inside of your life.

And so we know that sometimes when external humans are there and they are calling for things and asking for things, it can be a little difficult to find the time and the space to go inside and take care of your own needs. But we will tell you this: as you learn to prioritize that and you do it with intention, you will find that you can do it in small little bits of time. It does not have to be that you add hours and hours to your day in order to foster your connection with yourself. Because your connection with yourself is something that you aim to have moment to moment, day to day in the living of your actual life.

And so dear one, know this you are infinitely lovable. Not only that, you are also infinitely loved. It is just that there is a relaxing of your heart and refeeding of your heart with connection to self that will allow you to feel much more of the bright bubbles of joy which you know are meant to be there. And we know the resonance that you feel with the potential for what is possible, which is why you sometimes feel frustrated at that old feeling of being sabotaged.

But you diving in and discovering that those things that feel like sabotage are actually parts of you that adore you and no matter how much you try and tell them to be different, they will not because they think they are acting in service of you. As you discover that and unpack that for yourself, you will connect to feeling so much more love than what you have experienced in the past because these aspects of you are doing everything they can to protect you based on their understanding of how the universe is at present. And that opening the door of that connection with them and that connection with yourself and that connection with your knowing and that connection with the universe is what you are looking for. And you are on your way and you are open and you are feeling the resonance of this and it does not have to be hard. It does not have to be arduous. Because, dear one, it is time for things to get lighter for you and that can happen.

You can move towards yourself with so much love and so much acceptance and so much nurturing that you will fill up your own tank and you will then be a source when it is appropriate, when it feels aligned with your own knowing of support and love for others that you, dear one, deserve the support and are building the infrastructure right now to create that more as your lived experience as you engage with yourself in the world. And we look very much forward to seeing that lightness radiating from you as you live your life, leaving sparkles of joy as you take one step and then the other, and then the other to the things that you wish to create for yourself in your world. We love you. We love you. We love you. Go well.

Medha: There's so much loving that I think I'm going to cry.

Julie: Thank you, Medha. Thank you.

Medha: How are you feeling?

Julie: It's like. I know all this. I just choose not to listen really. Isn't it? It's what it is.

Medha: Yeah, probably. But also, I want to tell you something because I've had heaps and heaps of sessions with people with Oron, right? Everyone says, "I know all this. Why am I not...?" It's like the reaction that we all have. I feel like - I've got shivers.

They give us the information in such a way that it resonates with our own knowing, in such a way that then we're like, "Well, what's wrong with me? Why am I not doing it?" But actually, it's like you get a deeper understanding of it as they speak, and it's so much more clear to you now than it was half an hour ago. Right?

And so sometimes we need to hear things a bunch of times before it becomes familiar enough to feel safe. Because, man, what they're guiding you to do, what your inner world is asking you to do, is change how you interact with yourself. That's fucking massive. It's a huge, big thing. And sometimes we need to try the other things a thousand times before we're ready to go, "That doesn't work. I'm ready to try this other big, scary thing."

Julie: The other thing was I wanted to also mention I listened to your most recent one yesterday.

Medha: Yesterday, yeah.

Julie: About it's okay to feel shit sometimes. It's okay. Sometimes you've just got to get through that. Just live through it. Because so much of this thing about this must be something wrong with me. I've why can't I feel happy? You are beating yourself with a stick saying, "Come and get a grip."

Medha: Yeah. And also the one I hear a lot as well is like, "I know enough. I know enough that I should be able to do this stuff." But the actual nitty gritty of it is really like, we're in our own heads and it gets really complicated. And it's challenging. It's like we don't acknowledge how challenging it is, and we look at other people and think, "Well, they're doing it. They're doing it. What's wrong with me?" But they're looking at you going, "She's doing it. What's wrong with me?" And people just don't talk about that.

But this is what - I think the reason Oron is a really good match to me is because in theory, I'm a channel and Energy Healer, but I'm really fucking practical. I want stuff that's doable actionable, that actually creates change in the world. And good feelings are great, but sitting there and meditating and just having a good feeling without it actually creating a change in my life, that doesn't work for me. So I really like that there's a Return to Wholeness process that you can do by yourself. There's a free mini course for that because I want people to have access to that. So I don't know if you've got that already. But that feels to me like it's the how to of how to actually do this. How do we actually start to really practical, day to day create that communication with ourselves that we really have no idea how to do because we've blocked it for so long. It's challenging. It's confusing.

Julie: It is confusing and challenging. Like you just said. I feel like I've got all the tools - tapping and meditation and even just I love walking meditation, it's so good. But I just don't do them. And it's like, I don't know, why do I block myself from doing that?

Medha: Well, that'd be a reason. For example, it could be like parts of you are thinking that if you go in there, you're just going to uncover all of this crap and you don't really know how to deal with it. So it's better to stay disconnected or you've got so many responsibilities and so many things to do that it'd be nice to do a meditation, but there's no time right now because the kids need that and the work needs this.

Julie: It's just an excuse.

Medha: It is, but also, it's really a big deal to look at our deep pain. And of course Netflix is more appetizing than that. But also, especially because - I think this is such a big deal - it's like we deem all the bad stuff, the bad stuff, all the challenging stuff, it's all deemed wrong. Like it's bad, we have to fix it. It's a problem. This is wrong. And we actually can't fix it when we've got that attitude. Because this is what I've discovered, like, those pockets and those parts of us, they will only open up to us when we're not hating on them, when they're safe, when the space inside of us is safe. And that's where people get stuck. Because deep down they feel like it's wrong and they shouldn't feel that way and they should just be grateful because they're living better than 50% of the population and they should be appreciative and do their gratitude practice and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But actually we're all carrying all of these wounds and all of this pain that actually has got gold in it once we uncover it. But we don't really understand enough to know how to support ourselves to do that. So it makes perfect sense to me that everyone's like sitting there quietly wondering what the fuck is wrong with them and not knowing what to do. Because this isn't talked about enough. So hopefully it will be more and more from these days.

But anyway so I don't know if you've got the mini course for the Return to Wholeness. But that would be - it's quite accessible. Like small videos and there's an audio of me taking myself through the process a couple of times as well so that you get a sense of what it actually feels like to do it for yourself. So yeah, there's ways but there's so much love in what Oron was sharing with you. They really - like I could feel that they were just trying to give you positivity and pillows and no bats to come down on yourself of why am I not doing it. Because our own self love is the most healing force on the planet. They've said that a million times.

Julie: Thank you.

Medha: My pleasure. I loved it. It was like delicious in my heart. I totally loved it. Thank you.

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