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  • Medha Murtagh

Episode 93 – The most common trap in spiritual and personal development

Updated: Oct 16


I share more of my personal process in order to highlight the common trap we fall into when we’re doing the work to ‌grow and evolve both personally and spiritually. I also explore the use of healers or practitioners to support our growth. Given that we theoretically have the power to heal ourselves, is relying on another person to do that with us empowering or disempowering? Or both?

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Transcript

In this episode, I share more of my personal process in order to highlight the most common trap we fall into when we're doing the work to evolve personally and spiritually. I also explore the use of healers or practitioners to support us in our growth. If we all theoretically have the power to heal ourselves, is relying on another person to do that with us empowering or disempowering? Let's do it.


Welcome to A Clear Perspective, the podcast that helps you remember who you really are, what you really want and the easiest way to get it. I'm Medha and I'm a direct voice channel for Oron, who give us straight talking, practical guidance to help us live joyful lives of abundance, ease and positive impact, the way we were meant to.


My general intention when I sit down to do personal shares, the primary reason I sit to do this is because I have an inspiration to. I really care about sharing with you from the inside, particularly of the shitty experiences of growth and evolution. Because although Oron reassures us that it's now possible to start to grow through insight and joy rather than through pain and trauma, there are still some aspects of the growth journey that are difficult and uncomfortable and a little bit icky. And I don't feel like that's something that's shared enough.


I've been going through a tumultuous period of up-levelling and growth and changes in my consciousness, which I've shared about quite a bit. But the last couple of weeks have been particularly intense and particularly challenging.


I haven't really felt like sitting down and sharing around it, which is why I haven't done it. I'm feeling better now than I was, but I think it's still important to talk about the process that I've been going through. So the inspiration was here and that's why I'm talking to you now.


The last couple of weeks have been really challenging for me internally and emotionally. I've done enough work now that my usual experience of myself in my life is generally of being quite happy, of being appreciative and connected to the experience of love and flow and being supported. Even when things are going a bit shit, that usually tends to be my kind of underlying foundational experience.


Except for the last couple of weeks, where it has absolutely not been that. I have been feeling - I don't even know how to describe it - really disconnected from myself, but also disconnected from my experience of laughter and light, joy and fulfilment and passion and enthusiasm and all the delicious things that are normally the foundation of my interaction with myself in the world. It's like they've not been available to me.


And for the first week and a half of that, of feeling a bit low, I was completely able to relax into that experience, not fight it and just sit in the place of feeling a bit shit knowing that I'm moving through so much stuff at the moment - so many people are, but I'm speaking for myself. So I know that I'm moving through so much stuff at the moment.


And one of the things that helped me to really know for sure that I wasn't just being self indulgent and I wasn't just low for no reason, but that I was actually moving through processing stuff. Two things happened. Out of nowhere, I started to feel that I needed a lot more silence in my world. So I normally listen to quite a lot of audiobooks and podcasts and stuff, so I am normally exposed to a lot of external stimulation. But I started to feel like that needed to slow down quite a lot so that I was surrounded by silence, more like the sounds of birds in the trees and my natural environment rather than stimulating things that make me think. So that happened.


And within the peacefulness of that silence, I started to feel like I was getting kind of attacked, actually, by really old shitty memories. So stuff that I haven't thought about for sometimes decades, I just all of a sudden would be kind of experiencing a flashback to something that happened that was shitty and then I was like feeling all the feelings that were associated with that experience.


So that happened to me in a really intense way, really consistently for a while. And that reassured me that what was actually going on is I was doing a lot of cleansing, a lot of clearing. Because nowadays I've got the skill set of sitting with my emotion, allowing it to move through with no attachment, with no force, with no pushing, so that it gets processed. But a lot of the memories that were kind of attacking me is how it felt. I know it's an intense way to describe it, but that was the experience. The stuff that was coming up was stuff from a long time ago, like nothing that kind of flashed into my consciousness or was a flashback, none of it was recent.


And so in hindsight, what I can see is that I was clearing and processing. Some of the stuff that has been trapped in my system that I didn't have the skill set to process when it originally happened.


This is something that happens regularly to all of us who are trying to kind of grow and evolve. I personally have never had it happen to me so intensely where it was memory after memory after memory. But the process of kind being open and not being stimulated and having something surfaced from the depths of us so that we will remember it and feel the feelings that were associated with it so that we can kind of clear that out and let that go. That's a really super important process. And I know there's a lot of people that I work with, for example, who may not always understand that that experience is actually the pathway to growth. Like it's really productive to let that stuff come up, to sit with it, to be with it, to feel the emotions, to process it, so that you kind of end up feeling lighter.


So I was comfortable, completely, 100% flowing with and allowing the experience of feeling shit for about a week and a half. And then after that week and a half, I started to feel like maybe I was blocked, maybe something was a problem that I needed addressing, maybe I needed to shift some stuff because I had some stuck energy. And if you listen to the podcast episode from two weeks ago, I shared me asking Oron to give me some support, some energetic support, to move some stuck energy, and then telling me, "Not now," which is quite hilarious, actually. I kind of love that because they give me what I need rather than what I say I want. And although that might piss me off at times in the moment, it's ultimately more aligned with my long term goal, which is the things that are for my benefit.


And so after about a week and a half, I didn't start to actively fight it, but I started to go, "I'm not sure if I'm in flow now." And luckily past Medha had already organized for me to receive some energy healing, actually. There's a couple of people that I work with semi regularly. And accidentally unbeknownst to myself, I had booked two healing sessions in the same week, the day after each other, actually, which I don't normally do. Because I tend to want to leave some space for integration before I receive more healing, either for myself or others.


And both of these healings were really helpful in clarifying for me that I wasn't stuck, that there wasn't a problem, that I was actually going through another massive up levelling that required the letting go of what was there before. Both independent healings, without me telling the other healer what the first one had said, they both basically said that I'm in the process of releasing some old modes of interacting with myself and the world. And that was really helpful because mostly I understood and I was okay with the fact that I was still feeling shitty. But when that doubt started to creep in, having that support of an external healer saying something that I then felt the resonance of both times, actually. So that it's not just someone outside of me telling me what's going on for me, but it's someone outside of me connecting into my energy and offering their perspective of what's going on, me processing that internally inside of myself and feeling the energetic congruence, like the truth of it, helped me to completely and utterly relax into it.


And wouldn't you know it, what happened after that was I started to very slowly, very gently, feel bubbles of happiness again that hadn't been available to me when I was in that kind of shitty period.


The reason this is important to share is because so often - and mostly I think we do this unconsciously and I still fall for it myself - so often when we go into the shit, when we go into the bit that feels icky and uncomfortable, it's so tempting to feel like we're doing something wrong, to feel like there's a problem, to feel like there's a block, to feel like we need to do something different, to feel like we need to shift it or heal it or make it better.


And the reason we feel that way, I think, is because well, there's a lot of stuff in the personal development spiritual world right now that basically tells us that if we want to create the things we want, we need to be high vibe. So it's like we're scared of being low vibe. But deeper than that, I think it's because deep down we have a feeling and we know that ultimately we're meant to feel good. That's kind of the truth of the universe. We're meant to feel good.


And so when this stuff happens, for example, there was a space in my world where I started to clear all this stuff that I've been carrying for like a really long time. When that happens and I go from feeling like I'm someone who's happy and passionate and quite joyous most of the time to feeling disconnected and stagnant and kind of shitty and not at all joyous or happy, that can feel wrong. It can feel like we need to clear it or fix it so that we return to that feeling of feeling good. And I started to kind of wonder that before I had the healings that reconfirmed to me that, "No, it's okay. I can just relax into the process." But what happens is when we try to block those low vibrations, when we try and heal them prematurely - for example, when I asked or on to give me some energetic support to move stagnant energy, but they told me no. The reason they told me no is because that wasn't for my highest good in that moment.


And often, so often when things are coming up to clear and they feel icky and uncomfortable and we go, "No, I'm meant to feel good," we put a block on that. It's like what we're trying to do is we're trying to superimpose what we know we should feel, which is good and aligned, and we try to ram it over the top of what's really happening for us, is we're feeling a little shitty. And what that does is it blocks the progress and it blocks the growth because the stuff is coming up for a reason.


So if I had decided that, no, my natural state is happiness and something is off here, and I had tried to do intense clearing or healing or meditating or journaling to fix the problem of my disconnection, I wouldn't have processed all of the masses of crap that came up specifically so that I would process it. And so now I'm not completely on the other side of it. I'm probably 75% there right now. There's still stuff that's moving through me. But now I discovered myself walking around the house, singing to the dogs again, being joyous again, being grateful again, being appreciative of the amazingness of my world.


But that wasn't available to me when I was in clearing mode. But that does not mean that clearing mode is bad. The genuine feeling of happiness, of purposefulness, of joyousness, genuinely, truly feeling that can only be arrived at when we move through the crap and uncover what's at the core, which is the good feeling. Trying to stop the process of clearing - I know that we don't think of it that way. We don't think that we're stopping the process of clearing. We tell ourselves or we think that what we're actually doing is clearing a block. But what we're actually doing when the system is legitimately trying to cleanse stuff out and we interpret that as bad and wrong and out of alignment, we're making sure our baggage stays exactly where it is.


But you know what? That's okay. Because your system will try and bring it up again and again and again, because your system is always trying to let go of what is no longer serving you. And the way to do that is often to be with and feel the emotion, therefore the energetics of what has been crammed into the system and carried for such a long period of time.


So I feel legitimately light now. I feel legitimately joyous again, happy again, inspired again. Legitimately, genuinely authentically because I moved through the shit, cleared it out and I reconnected to what's in the center of me, which gives that expansive joyous, energy and feeling. And that wouldn't have happened if I had stopped the process by telling myself it's wrong.


So many of my clients and the people that I work with and friends will share with me that they feel disappointed in themselves when they go low vibe because they feel like they know enough, their perspective has evolved enough that they should be able to stay in the place of good feeling. But that attitude, unbeknownst to ourselves, is actually a block to our growth.


Having a higher, more evolved level of consciousness doesn't mean you'll never feel shit. It doesn't mean that there's not more things that need to be cleared out.


And there's something else about this that I think is really important. The better you get at this process of allowing the feelings to be and flowing with what's present, the less suffering you'll have to go through in order to move through those emotions.


I want to be clear about this. Feeling this old repressed stuff that needs to be felt in order to be released is uncomfortable. It does not feel awesome. But the amount of suffering that you have to undergo in order to clear that stuff out, to move it through your system, is directly related to how much you're resisting the process versus how much you're allowing it. You never feel anything for no reason. You never feel anything for no reason.


And there's a big difference between being super indulgent and building the feeling of something and keeping it stuck to you by telling stories and justifying yourself over and over again about why you're right and they're wrong. There's a big difference between doing that and actually just allowing what is present to come up, to be acknowledged, to be felt and to be released. And release does not mean telling it to fuck off. It doesn't mean trying to get rid of it, it doesn't mean rejecting it or deeming it wrong. Because when you do that, you keep it stuck.


It can't shift if you're trying to get the fuck away from you. It shifts when we're open, when we're allowing, when we're in acceptance and when we just feel the feeling. And it shifts kind of by consuming the energy of it, which ends up transmuting that energy into the lightness that it is we're looking for anyway.


There's something else that this experience has helped me to realize. So I'm an intuitive energy healer and I have clients that come to me, but also I'm aware of the fact that Oron say this, and it's kind of like how the universe works. We're all incredibly powerful and totally capable of healing ourselves. At some point, I've kind of struggled with where the balance is for that. And I think what I've realized through this experience where those healings are quite supportive of me is that if you're someone who goes and gets healings regularly and is expecting the healings to heal you. Like if you're seeing a practitioner and you want them to kind of heal you and then you just go back to your life and go about it as normal and not change anything and not evolve anything and then next time something comes up, you go back to a healer so they will fix it for you. I think that is absolutely when it becomes a problem.


I'm saying this whether you work with me or anybody else in the entirety of the world. If you're going to work with a practitioner to help you evolve and explore growth for yourself - spiritually, personally, personal development-wise - if you're going to be working with someone, the most empowering way to do that, the most supportive way to do that, is to make sure that you're working with people whose intention is to support you in connecting to your own knowing and your own power rather than someone who wants to keep you dependent on their skill set in order for you to keep growing and evolving. The willingness to do the work in between, to be conscious between sessions, to take self accountability and self responsibility, means that when you do reach out for healing or support from a practitioner, it really genuinely is support rather than an offloading of responsibility.


This bit is so incredibly important. As someone who experienced a cult situation where the power was given over to the practitioner, to the guru, to the treat teacher - I'll talk about this in more detail another time - but having had that experience myself, I'm so aware of how vitally important it is for each individual to stay totally connected, or rather I'll say differently, as connected as is available in each and every moment to their own power. The role of a healer or a practitioner is to support you in that, to anchor you more deeply into that.


And as you receive the energetics, the feedback, whatever it is. Taking that through the filter of your own discernment and not just buying it because they're supposed to know more than you or be higher than you, that process of taking it into yourself and feeling, "Does this feel true for me? Does this feel aligned to me," is so vitally important, and any healer or practitioner worth their salt is going to want you to do that.


So, in summary, sometimes feeling shit for a while is exactly what's required in order to move you to genuine connection with self. To genuine joy. To genuine happiness. That temptation to superimpose how we know we should feel - which is good and connected and aligned - that temptation to superimpose that over our pain or to try and reject the shitty feelings in order to try and re-access the good feelings, it slows the progress of our growth down. And if you need support, that's totally natural, it's totally helpful. But having that perspective of getting the support in order to help you reconnect to yourself, rather than having someone fix something for you or shift something for you without you having to be actively participating in your own healing, that's likely to reinforce a disempowered experience.


Nothing is right or wrong here. Nothing is right or wrong. But if your goal is to move towards reclaiming your power, the allowing yourself to move through the clearing out bit, which can feel pretty shit, and the ownership of your own responsibility and power, even when you're receiving support in terms of the energetics or through a practitioner, that's what's going to help you to move to that place of aligned flow, of connected, conscious creation.


If you don't want to reclaim your power right now, you know what? That's okay too. I realize that the way I've been speaking about it makes it sound like that's not a valid option. I apologize for that. That's not true and that's not what I'm trying to say. Each of us is on our own journey, and sometimes it's time to claim responsibility for ourselves, and sometimes we just don't have the resources available to do that just now. And if that's the case for you, that's fine too. Being where we are and bringing acceptance to that place is always going to be expansive, it's always going to be helpful.


And if that place right now is a bit depleted, a bit flat, a bit down, accepting it isn't throwing up your hands and expecting to live there forevermore. But when you stop fighting where you are, you create so much space for possibility. And you know what else you create? A freedom of the energy that you have used to resist where you were. So you then have more energy available to move towards whatever's next and whatever's next and whatever's next.


Let me know your thoughts on this. Let me know your experiences. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you.


If you've got a question for Oron that you'd like featured on the podcast without you having to formally be a podcast guest, then yay for you, that option is now available. There are two ways for you to submit your question. You can use your favorite voice recording app on your phone and record your question of three minutes or less, emailing it to medha@oronandmedha.com.


Or you can go to the podcast page on our website, which is oronandmedha.com/podcast, and click the little round video of my face on the bottom right hand corner of the screen. You can then choose to send an audio message with your question, and your question and Oron's answer may just be featured on the podcast.


By the way, you can send me a message there about anything else you'd like to share too. I'd love to hear your experience of the podcast or anything else you want to tell me.


The links for both of those will be in the show notes. Thanks for listening. And in the words of Oron, go well.

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