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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 88 – I've been trying to create the life I want but it's just not working

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

If you’ve ever thought ‘I've been trying to create the life i want but it's just not working’, then this channelled message is for you. When you have committed to creating something but it hasn't manifested, you can start wondering why your inner work is not working. You may even wonder if you’re doing the inner work right. Are you ahead of your time, or do you need to add something to your manifesting efforts?

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We've been trying to create the life we want - why is it not working [starts at 00:00:13]

I feel like I'm already accepting and feeling my feelings [starts at 00:08:43]

Productive self inquiry questions [starts at 00:12:49]


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Oron: We are here again and ready. Let's play.

Wendi: So I have been saying for years that I'm here to be abundantly paid to play and the path to my highest prosperity is to follow my heart and live my dream. So for two years, my fiance and myself put our heart and soul into pursuing our dream, knowing we needed to stretch out of our comfort zone. So we invested six figures into pursuing our dream of serving many with full faith, consistently doing our inner work through inner child healing, keeping a strong and positive mindset, healing and building a strong foundation with our bodies and expanding our frequency to be in alignment with our souls purpose to serve and make an impact in this world.

Is it as simple as we're just early to the party? Oron, can you give any insight as to why this hasn't happened yet and what we can do to achieve our outcome and be abundantly paid to play?

Oron: This is a fabulous question and it gives us the opportunity to play with some of the things that Medha has also been uncovering in herself in the recent few weeks when she has been having a break.

There is a tendency to hear some of what we are about to say in some of you, listening through the understanding of it as criticism. But it is not that. We adore you and wish to shine a spotlight in some of the dark places that some of you have been conditioned or some of you feel reluctant to go to, to look at and to be with. There is a lot of what you have said that is prevalent in the current understanding of spirituality, we will say, and how to live conscious and empowered lives that is understood in the same way that you understand it by many. But there is a subtle distinction that you and Sam both are in the process of beginning to understand more clearly and more clearly and more clearly. And you are at the beginning of something inside of yourselves that will change the way you interact with yourself and with the outside world. And therefore the results that you are able to be gifted by the universe in the mirror effect - as you change inwardly, you change the outside world around you.

We will say this: there are many people who are using your phrase "want to have a positive mindset" and the murkiness around this that is not seen by many of you is that sometimes what you are doing is actually trying to hold rigid to the positive ideas and feelings and thoughts that you have whilst attempting to ignore the parts of you that are not yet at that equilibrium or at that energetic point.

There are many subtle and small ways that inside of yourselves right now, for whatever reason, do not truly honestly feel and believe that what you want to create for yourself is possible. But the fact is these parts of you, these aspects, these pockets of darkness, are a lot smaller than the part of you that believes. You would not have taken such an action that some people may consider dramatic if you had not had a lot of faith inside of you. But this is the thing that is going to be so much more understood by humanity as you evolve. And yes, you are early to the party. You are at the forefront inside of your own experience and as models in the world of how to do this more effectively.

The subtle difference between having a positive mindset because you decide to have a positive mindset and having a positive mindset, and then noticing all of the small, tiny places that are not yet in alignment with that and taking the time to turn towards them, heal them, integrate them, uplift them so that those little pockets can also join with what it is that most of you already believes in a way that does not argue with the fear, that does not push a part of you that feels unsafe to feel safe, in a way that does not ignore what is not yet ready but rather fortifies it and builds it so that it too can believe. Not because you force it, not because you bully it inside of yourself by declaring negative thoughts not available to you anymore. Some people declare that they are not available for this sort of thinking or that sort of thinking. And there are some small ways in that - correction. And there are some small instances, some rare instances in which that may be aligned, but actually closing the doors on possible thoughts and feelings that may be inside of you does not allow you to move forward into wholeness and does not allow you to get all of your energy - not just most, but all of your energy - aligned to the thing that you want to move forward to.

The fact that you are not seeing yet the results that you wish is just the loving universe showing you that there are places where there is some play to be done for you. And this doesn't have to be hard and it doesn't have to be difficult, but it will take some effort and pronounced change in the attitude that you have to fears and doubts so that you do not feel like you need to white-knuckle your positivity or your belief in what's possible, but rather you can support the parts of you that do not feel ready or worthy or like it's a possibility for them to be fortified, to be loved, to be seen, to be heard, to be made to feel valuable and important so that their energy then uplifts and you can walk together with all of you to the things that you want.

This sounds like a small thing, and 99% of people are not aware of it. Some ignore it, but many people are just not aware of it and this is not a problem. This is a part of the process of evolution. It is wonderful to realize that you have been ignoring aspects that require your resistance because see how powerful you are when you turn to those parts and give them what they need? When you learn that it is not just having mostly positive thoughts and trying to scream your positivity inside of yourself to drown out the doubts that is going to allow you to create what you want.

In fact that holds the things you want back. Because what you are saying to the parts of you that are in fear in that moment is that they do not count. You will not listen to them. It is as though you had children and one of them had what you consider positive thoughts and one of them had what you consider fear and you say to the fearful one, I will not listen to you until you are as brave as your sister.

Feel into what the energetic impact is of doing that to yourself and realize that, again, this is not a criticism but moving in this direction will open so many doors that they will be more like gates, they will be more like portals. There is so much more that's available to you, but you cannot white-knuckle your way there. But you can love yourself there. You can play your way there with genuine, open, relaxed play from an inspired place.

Medha has found that sometimes in her changing relationship with the idea of play she tells herself she needs to play but that is an outcome driven thing and play has a particular quality of experience, it has a particular energy. It needs to feel light. And you cannot force yourself to play or put play on your list and do it as a thing that you feel like you have to do in order to create an outcome and genuinely be in play. Play with that.

Wendi: When strong emotions come up - yesterday and today - there are very strong emotions and I've learned to, what I call, I just roll out the red carpet and I let those strong emotions literally to be seen and heard and felt. I used to bury them and run away from them but now I'm really facing them head on and doing my best to allow them the emotions to say what they need to say and really feel it. Like I really felt it full body on... In the last two days where I just got down to my hands and knees and surrendered from the intensity of the emotions.

Oron: That is a wonderful thing, that is a wonderful thing. And we said to you, you are on the leading edge, you are ahead of your time and it is not just beings like us that give you information. It is you and your own knowing that is evolving and developing. But if you look back with the vision that is available to you now, you will see that there have been many times where you haven't done what you have just said. And so the universe, the physical world responds to you with a lag effect.

So as you do more and more of the really deeply feeling into the emotions - but there is something that you have not yet seen and as - correction. There is something that you have not yet seen and as you see it and you develop your skill set with it, you will see that there's a little more growth available and a little more growth available and a little more growth available. And there is never a limit to how much better you can get at this. We use that word better with a smile on our faces or - correction on Medha's face - because better is a difficult concept.

What you want to go for is expansion and alignment. And what we are speaking of, the thing that you will see again and again and again and you will surprise yourself again and again and again is that deeper down than where you are currently connected in your consciousness there still is a feeling that certain thoughts and ways of being are right and other ones are not. That is still present in you and that is not a problem because as your vision expands and you see it more and more and you let go of it more and more and you really allow yourself to feel the feelings in the way that you described, you will be expanding what is available to you but also you will be expanding yourself and your own energy. You will be expanding the small tight parts of you and energetics. The little things that have been locked away and ignored are going to start to come to you more and more and more and you will have more of you to then invest into all of the delicious delightful things that are calling you. And we know that you are finding this much easier than what you were before but we will invite you to really be mindful of noticing your reaction to yourself when you realize that there are a little bit more places in which you are restricting yourself.

Be proud. Be proud of when you see those instances because that, dear one, is where growth lies. We feel your connection to your commitment to your own growth and evolution and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing. And Medha has been going through a similar journey also. There was a long period of time where she would get a little tense around her idea of becoming better or bigger or more aligned. And the journey that she is on is a similar one to the one you are on. You are going to be so surprised by the places where there has been tension that you hadn't been aware of, as your ability to see more clearly increases more and more and more and there is no limit to how amazing this can all become for you. No limit.

Wendi: I'm open. Bring it on. One of my mentors said to me, "We're always in the trenches of our work."

Oron: We would like to say that you are always in the playground of your expansion.

Wendi: There you go. I like that better.

Oron: We would invite you to play with this idea. And remember the speech we gave you about play. Play is only available when there is a relaxation and expanding. Otherwise, it is something else pretending to be play. So we genuinely invite you to consider playing with the idea of asking questions inside of yourselves and being open to being surprised by the answers.

Is there any part of me that I'm resisting right now? Is there any way that I'm deeming what I'm experiencing right now wrong that I can't see here? Where would it be helpful for me to bring love and acceptance right now? Where am I holding tension that I haven't been aware of? Where can I bring more love? Where can I bring more support? Where can I bring more relaxation? What aspect of me needs love right now? Does any aspect of me need to be reassured about anything? Is there any part of me that needs to be held in sadness without deeming that sadness wrong? Is there any part of me that is ashamed that they're in fear because most of me feels like I can do the thing? How can I love that part of me that wishes they weren't afraid but really deeply are? How can I be there for myself more in this moment? How can I love myself more in this moment? How can I accept myself more deeply than I have before in this moment? What else is available to me here? How can I play with all of the aspects of me with the genuine energy of play? How can I soften? How can I relax?

And when the more darker energies come up because you are open to seeing them, how can I love this part of myself more now? How can I meet its needs? How can I communicate more authentically within myself so that nothing is denied - even the things about me that I have previously considered bad. Because dear one, no part of you is bad. No part of you is broken. And a lot of the work that we see people doing to try and create alignment and to be conscious creators is tense. And deep down, when people are open and honest and able to see things in themselves, which can only really happen when you've built up the place of safety inside of yourself, many of you will realize that what you are doing is trying to come from a place of feeling like this needs to be better. And in the foundation of that lies the idea that this is not right.

As you become clearer with yourself because you create that space of safety inside of yourself, you will be able to see so much more possibility for yourself. But what came before is the catapult for what comes next. And that is true of where you are standing now. And if you feel that where you are standing now is in some way wrong, there is a tension that is going to be had by you and your energy system and your interaction with the world.

And so the trick to what we are saying is to hear it in a way that doesn't make you feel like you have to fix the fact that you accidentally think some things are wrong. This one goes deep and so be gentle with yourself. Be nourishing of yourself as you take this wonderful journey of uncovering all of the ways that you can access more play, more lightness, more fun without decreeing the opposite wrong, without decreeing yourself wrong or without feeling like you need fixing. But rather from a place of empowered allowing and acceptance of self.

Stand firm with conviction, but with ease. With intention, but not with tension. Seeing what is possible and taking the inspired actions towards it whilst loving every part of you that comes up and says, "I'm a little worried we can't get there." This is a deep and profound process of self love and self resourcing that you are all undergoing.

And as you do that more and more and build that in yourself more and more, the universe will mirror that back to you so that you will be already resourced and yet you will find yourself surrounded by additional resources because they are just a match. And we're not just talking about money, we're talking about everything. Build inside of yourself what it is that you wish the world to give you and the world will not help but give you that.

This is all a game and you are getting there. And that is a beautiful thing. Lightness, joy are your guiding posts but sometimes so is darkness because that is the way you need to head in order to encourage all of you to move forward towards the light. Nothing is wrong here. You are where you need to be, but there are many, many places you can go from here and that will be delicious.

We love you and we support you through this expansion. We love you, we love you, we love you. Go well.

Medha: Are you still there? Oh, yeah.

Wendi: Oh, yeah.

Medha: God, this is so funny. I've been thinking about all this stuff for a few weeks and they're just verbalizing it. I told you, I haven't sat with them since - I've kind of just been making my own way through it. And yeah, it's just so ingrained in us to fix things. Like so ingrained. I'm just being able to see in myself so much - I think that's why they said our experiences are a bit mirrored - like how much I thought I wasn't trying to fix. But it's like as my vision expanded, I could see fuck I was. And go me for being able to see that. How are you feeling?

Wendi: Wow. Yeah, I'm just taking it all in. I'm marinating.

Medha: That's the best way.

Wendi: Yeah. Wow.

Medha: My pleasure. Thank you. We'll have to stitch it together now and make a podcast episode out of it.

Wendi: Yeah. I think it'll be a really powerful podcast. I mean, all of them are, but really I just feel like it's home for so many.

Medha: Oh, my God. Yes, so much. And it felt really different coming in. So the stuff they were talking about at the start, it felt... I feel like I've been saying that every time I do a podcast episode, but this one felt really different. Like as they were coming through, I'm like just so much more embodied and grounded. So it's not just, like up here. Which there is nothing wrong with that, but it just feels more balanced. And you know what? Like connected to our humanity. Like an understanding of humanity. I think before it was like Oron's up here and I'm the human and we kind of meet somewhere here. Whereas now I feel like they're really coming into - I've lifted my vibration, too but I feel like they're really kind of stepping into the experience of human and not just talking from a place outside of us where they love us. But they're doing that but they're also feeling like to me like they're in the inside of us and they love us.

Wendi: Oh, absolutely.

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