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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 86 – Anatomy of growth

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

In this episode I share with you what I’m thinking of as the anatomy of growth. Something pretty shitty was followed by something unexpected and awesome, and it’s given me a much deeper understanding of the most common ways that we limit our own growth instead of supporting it, and how to flip the switch on that, so that growth and expansion happen so much more easily.

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In this episode, I share with you what I'm thinking of as The Anatomy of Growth. Something pretty shitty was followed by something unexpected and awesome, and it's given me a much deeper understanding of the most common ways that we limit our own growth instead of supporting it and how to flip the switch on that at so that growth and expansion happens so much more easily. Let's do it.

Welcome to A Clear Perspective, the podcast that helps you remember who you really are, what you really want, and the easiest way to get it. I'm Medha and I'm a direct voice channel for Oron who give us straight talking, practical guidance to help us live joyful lives of abundance, ease, and positive impact the way we were meant to.

I was just getting out of the shower, and I had another spontaneous inspiration to come into the studio and record for you another share of the process that I've been undergoing. And I think before I even record this episode, the name of it came to me. It's The Anatomy of Growth. A few weeks ago, maybe three or four weeks ago now, actually, I started to feel inspired to connect into to activate within myself the energy of miracles. That's not something that I've really thought about consciously before, and it just happened really spontaneously. And I had been playing with it about a month ago, playing with activating their energy inside of me in a really playful way. So I wasn't sitting down and trying to activate the energy of miracles inside of me specifically so that miracles would arise. It wasn't outcome driven. It was more that Elijah feeling of activating that energetics inside of myself. And I did it for the pleasure and the joy. And I started to really notice how everything is a miracle. I heard a quote a while ago, you either live as though everything is miracle or as though nothing is.

And I liked it when I read it, but I'm starting to really understand the depth of the power of that. So I was really connected to the fact that each one of us is a fucking miracle. The way that our bodies work, the way that the Earth works, the way that the right amount of oxygen is available for us to breathe, the fact that there is so much miraculousness in every moment that we experience and we just don't really seem to notice. And miracles are a thing that is so available to us that they should, in theory, be mundane. And I feel like at some point they kind of will be. And by mundane, I don't mean non magical. I mean commonplace. I think that that's where the evolution in humanity is leading us to. So I had started really imbibing and playing with the energy of miracles before I had the surgery. So there's a couple of episodes, if you haven't heard them already, that I'd recommend listening to for context for what I'm sharing as I moved through a massive up levelling of my consciousness that happened after I had some surgery. So I was playing with miracles, loving miracles had the surgery, everything felt like I turned to shit for a while.

Then I had my consciousness expansion, and I've been moving through the process of that since then, and it popped into my mind yesterday. I haven't played with the energy of miracles for a while, and it just did not feel at all inspiring for me to do that. It felt like if I tried to play with that whole idea of activating the energy of miracles inside of my body, It would have been like a forceful pushing, and I should think it would have been about trying to create an outcome. It wasn't naturally arising in me to play that way. And the reason I'm bringing all of that out is because I actually think that the percolating in the energy of miracles thing that I was doing before the surgery Was possibly part of the energetic catalyst of what happened next. Because what I've been experiencing since the up levelling of my consciousness after the surgery Is really extreme anxiety in my heart that I think I've carried for a really long time. And my awareness is much more subtle now. So it feels gigantic. But actually, I don't know if it is. I think I'm so much more subtly aware that something that isn't really massive, I'm experiencing as massive because it's like the depth of me.

It's like I'm dredging up the really old stuff that I've been carrying with me for a really long time that is currently an impediment to me experiencing the energy of miracles because the anxiety comes with this real feeling of lack of safety. It comes with this real feeling of I'm not supported. It comes with a real feeling of I have to do everything. I have to take care of things, I have to do things, I have to manage things, I have to make things happen. It's ultimately, at its core, an energy of feeling unsupported, like I'm alone in the world, and I have to do everything myself, which is actually the opposite of the energy of relaxing into miracles. Right. Because miracles is like flow. It's like being carried by the universe. It's like feeling empowered, but also not like I have to push and fight and force, but that I can just open to magic and allow the magic to carry me without feeling like I have to carry everything myself. And so as I move through this experience of really connecting into the places where I still feel alone, I still fuel unsafe.

I still feel stressed about life. I'm connecting into this really old, really heavy energy that's been with me for a long time. When I first started to connect in with it in this more kind of expanded consciousness way, it felt like me just being with it and accepting it and not trying to fast forward it and genuinely not deeming it wrong for possibly the first time ever started to use up the fuel of it. It's almost like it got smaller and smaller. The anxiety was still strong and it was still present, but it's like there was less of it and I could fuel a sense of relaxation kind of coming over my body. So that happened for a while. Like my sitting with it was really productive and I was kind of feeling shifts and changes with it and then that process of feeling like there was heaps of shifts and changes with that kind of stopped, I felt like I kind of plateaued. And then with this heightened awareness, I was able to see my own tendency of wanting to then push to create more of that progress that I was so happy to have been seeing in the days previous.

So I could feel that I wanted to see more with the feeling I wanted to be with it more, but I wanted to do that so that it would dissipate, which meant it wasn't working. And of course it wasn't working because what was really happening is I was trying to sit with myself for the purposes of changing myself and my experience, which means that inherently what I was doing was actually rejecting decreeing wrong what I was experiencing. Which means that really ultimately I wasn't being there for myself at all. I was in judgement and I wanted to make a difference. And I slipped back really suddenly like this is so much smaller than how I would have done this even two weeks ago, but I'm aware of it, I'm so aware of it. And so I had slipped back into that, wanting to do the process for the outcome rather than wanting to do the process for the purposes of really being there for myself and witnessing myself and supporting myself and holding myself. And so of course when I was doing it and I didn't really try that many times, I'm more was aware of the tenancy, but a couple of times I did go, okay, all right, so I'm going to sit with it and I could feel that it was unproductive and so I just stopped.

I stopped trying to push, I stopped trying to reject, I just stopped. And I feel like this is a really strong recalibration for me of what it really, truly means for me to be there for myself. Because the more I do this process of being there for myself and supporting myself and not judging what I'm seeing myself experience as wrong and not trying to superimpose something awesome over the top of it. Because ultimately I know that that's the outcome I want for myself. The more I do that, the more I'm training myself to be held, to be seen, to be accepted exactly as I am. And obviously when I say obviously it only just became obvious to me in this moment as I'm talking to you, what will happen is that as I do that for myself more and more, I'm on the other end of that transaction, I'm on the other end of that experience. So I'm going to feel myself being held, being supported, being accepted exactly as I am being carried by the flow of me. And ultimately, isn't that what miracles are like? Isn't that flow of being supported by the universe and having amazing levels of acceptance of us?

Isn't that the vibration that is kind of the groundwork or the floor or the basis of the foundation of what opens us up to miracles? So I hadn't realised the connection between the miracles thing that I was playing with before and the experience that I'm having now. And I was listening to something a couple of days ago that kind of reminded me that, yes, we are strong, yes, we are conscious creators. And yes, it's absolutely possible for us to create the energetics that will help us move forward to the things that we desire. And I was like, okay, well, I might sit and contemplate and connecting to the energy of me at the end of this process, being healthy and vibrant and having moved through to a level of feeling stable in this new level of consciousness and awareness. But that just felt really heavy to me when I contemplated it. And again, it's because if I had done that in that moment, it would have been for the purpose of achieving an outcome, rather than because I was inspired to do it in the same way that I was drying my hair with a towel and got the impulse to just come and record this for you.

It's also for me, by the way, because I get so clear when I share this stuff with you. So I'm really grateful for your support and your energy is helpful here to me. So thank you for that. The impulse to come and do this was natural. It wasn't a thought based, decided thing. It wasn't any kind of I need a podcast episode. There was nothing about the outcome that was involved in my inspiration to come and record this. It was just an innate inspiration. And so that's how I'm trying to live, and that's how I'm trying to grow. And that's how I want to do my spirituality and all of my life, really to follow the inspiration. I don't need to decide the outcome in advance and work towards it. But if I'm inspired to sit and connect to the future version of me, then that's a totally different thing. It's totally different if I feel an inspiration to do a thing versus I think that doing this thing will get me that outcome. And that applies to life and spirituality and personal development and all of it. Okay, so let's break down the anatomy of growth part the way I have seen it energetically.

And what I feel is true is this. There is no limit to how often our lives can become like it can just get better and better and better and better. But the fact that it can keep getting better and better and better has to mean that there are some scenes that we need to clear away in order to become a vibrational match to that better. And then that next better, and then that next better, and then that next better. I'll explain it like this. So imagine that you're standing at a point in your life and you can look towards your future, and there's a thing that you want to create for yourself in your future. You are not there yet. Like, you haven't manifested this thing. You haven't created it yet, which means there is something standing in the way between where you are and where you want to be, and that something is going to need to be addressed if you want to get to that other place. Because if there was nothing that was standing in the way, you would already be there. Right? So if the thing that you are wanting to manifest for yourself has not yet manifest, there are some things inside of yourself that need to be addressed and cleared and healed or expanded or whatever is so that you can be a vibrational match to whatever is next.

And then once you do that work or that play, and then you manifest the next, then you are where you are. Right? And there's going to be another level of awesome that's available for you once you clear up whatever is standing in the way between where you are currently standing and what is next for you. And so I feel like that process is like never ending. There's no upper limit to how amazing everything can be. The converse of that is that there's always going to be some things to kind of look at and play with and address in order for us to be able to create magnetised, step into be a match to whatever the next level of awesome is. And I think that's true for all of us, all the time. So if you look back to my experience where I felt inspired to connect to the miracle energy, and I was doing that really well. Like, I was feeling it in my body. I was feeling it in my cell. It was really fabulous. And then this other process has happened where this massive amount of stuff has come up. But it's coming up for my benefit.

It's coming up to show itself to me. It's coming up to say, hey, I'm not ready to be relaxed and supported by the universe yet. There is a part of me that is screaming for me to help it, to give it the attention, to give it the healing, to give it what I want to create for myself. We often accidentally want the universe or money or people or our partner or our family or our job or our career to give us experiences inside of ourselves that we're not yet willing to give ourselves. So I work with people with their money, energy, for example. And often people want money to give them the feeling of security or safety or freedom, but they haven't done the work yet to create that experience for themselves inside of themselves, which means they're expecting money to give them something that they're not yet giving themselves. And so when it comes to the kind of life that I feel like I'm on this planet to live, like, I feel like I'm here to really understand from the inside in a practical way, not in a theoretical way, not just in a read books way, but in a practical, actionable way, how to live a most empowered, free life that is of benefit for myself and others.

I feel like that's what I'm here to do for myself, and then the world will benefit from it. I feel like that's what I'm here to do to get real clarity on how it all works and kind of live it and embody it and then offer it to whoever is interested. But I'm always going to be in the play of evolving that I'm always going to be learning more. I'm always going to be understanding more. And that's an awesome, beautiful thing. The fact that I am so much more aware now doesn't mean that past mater who couldn't see that was an idiot. It means she is awesome, and she is a whole part of the foundational structure that is allowing me to be where I am now and see what's there for me to see now. And ultimately, what I work for myself is a life where it feels miraculous. Like I feel so carried by the universe, and my intention is in alignment with the divine. And I follow my intuition and I follow my guidance, and everything works out like, amazing. To the extent that people go, oh, my God, that's like, miraculous.

But it's not miraculous. It's just how the universe works. Like, I want a life that's full of miracles. That is what I want for myself. And I think it's what's available for all of us when we clear up the misunderstandings that we have about how it all works. So I'm in the process of doing that for myself. And so given that that's the life I want, then anything that is standing in the way between where I am right now and that amazing miraculous experience of flowing in a supported way through life in a miraculous, magical way. Anything that is incongruent to that I want to know about, I want to look at, I want to play with. I want to address. I want to give myself inside of me the experience of living miraculously inside of me, of feeling supported and inflow inside of me I'm not expecting the outside world, the universe, to be providing me with miracles. So then I feel connected to miracles. I want that to be my experience. And then if that's really my experience, you know what? Whatever's happening on the outside, it's almost like it doesn't even matter.

It's the icing on the cake. But the places in me that are not yet in alignment with that energy of miracles. You bet that I want to know about that not so I can fix it. Not because it's wrong, but because it's a part of me that's begging for help. It's a part of me that doesn't believe that that's possible, doesn't believe it's available, doesn't feel like she deserves it, doesn't understand how it could work. Whatever it is, it's a part of me that's asking for help. That's what all of the shitty energies or challenging emotions that we have, or limiting beliefs or whatever you want to call it. All that stuff that we're constantly trying to get away from are really aspects of us that are looking for our help, that feel disempowered or feel doubt or feel fear and need reassurance parts of us that need to be integrated. And so even though I've told you that sometimes my tendency is to try and push through, even though I'm barely doing it now, but I'm aware that the temptation is still active in May to try and force myself to sit with the uncomfortable feelings so that I'll eat up the energy of it.

And then I'll be in alignment with miracles, even though that's present somewhat still. Now I know that the biggest and most important of my aims isn't to manifest some perfect future or some outcome that I've decided with my mind that I want to achieve. It's about my experience moment to moment, moment to moment, and me learning to really deeply and utterly support myself and love myself and flow with what arises inside of myself in the exact same way that I would like to live connected to miracles in the outside world. I want to be living that inside of me, and the rest of it will take care of itself. We grow and we evolve. Not by rejecting the parts of us that are not yet in alignment with the things that we want. That is how we hold ourselves back and we cause ourselves so much pain. We divide our own energy and we limit ourselves. You cannot get to expansion by trying to cut out parts of you. Whether that's emotions or beliefs or patterns, rejection can't lead to expansion. It's not possible that acceptance and love and wholeness. That's where the miracles live.

I want to remind you that I've been doing this for a really long time, and I'm trying to get all of my learnings and understandings as I move through them, to be synthesised in a way that's easy, so that you can fast forward through all the crap that I had to go through to become aware of these patterns and these tendencies that we have and how real growth happens. No matter what the fuck you have done, no matter what has happened in your life, loving yourself and supporting yourself through it is going to be the most healing thing, the most nourishing thing, the most filling thing that you can do just for yourself, but also for the world. Because a fully resourced you is powerful, is impactful. A you that feels utterly adored and supported, is so generous, is so loving, and he's so giving from a place of inspiration and fullness, rather than from any kind of hidden agenda or motivation. No matter where you are in your self love journey, you are loved. You are lovable. You are fucking amazing. And the more you can start to connect to that self inside of you, the more of the bubbles of joy you're going to get in your heart and the more positive impact that you're going to have.

And I am so happy to be on this journey with you. We're going to put a link in the Show Notes all on self love healing and activation, which I have used extensively and I highly, highly recommend. If the self love thing is an issue for you, and even if it's not an issue for you and you just want to build upon the awesome self love that you already have, I highly recommend listening to that. I'll put a link to it in the Show Notes. Healing, expansion, higher levels of consciousness. All of it is so much easier than what we think. And the way to make it easy is literally to stop trying to beat ourselves into expansion. Every single one of us is already awesome. And if we've ever acted in ways that are less than awesome, it's because of something. And those some things need our attention, our acceptance, our love. Can you just imagine what the world will be like when more and more people start to feel that way? Like they're supported, like they deserve support, like they are loved and worthy, but they are safe inside of themselves. God, that's going to be fun.

I love playing with you and sharing this with you. Thank you.

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