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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 85 – How our evolved spiritual ideas can hold us back

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

In this episode I give you a real time update of the process I’ve been moving through, and the realisations and insights that I’ve been downloading. These ideas feel fresh to me, and a little like they’re flipping a lot of our commonly held spiritual understandings on their heads. And from the new perspective they provide, the inner work gets not only easier, but much more effective. And I say yay to that!

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In this episode, I give you a real time update of the process that I've been moving through and the realizations and insights that I've been downloading. These ideas feel really fresh to me and they also feel a little like they're flipping our commonly held spiritual understandings on their head. And from the new perspective that they provide, the inner work gets not only easier, but much more effective. And I say yay to that. Let's do it.

Welcome to A Clear Perspective, the podcast that helps you remember who you really are, what you really want, and the easiest way to get it. I'm Medha and I'm a direct voice channel for Oron, who give us straight talking, practical guidance to help us live joyful lives of abundance, ease and positive impact. The way we were meant to.

I've decided to record an update for you about how my personal process is going since I had that big up level that I spoke to you about in the episode that we released two weeks ago now. The reason I am choosing actually, no. I was going to say the reason I'm choosing to do that now is because normally what I see in spirituality/personal development world is that the people that teach about it tend to kind of work through their own processes and then come up with the logic and the reasoning and the explanation and then they share it. Like once they're through it. And I can understand why people do that, but I really care about being transparent about the actual moving through the processes of things myself. So it's important for me to share this stuff with you, not just once I understand it, but as I live it. Because it's what we all do. It's what we all do.

So that's my understanding of why I'm sitting now to talk to you about it whilst I'm in the process. But the truth is, I'm here because I got inspired to be. The impulse came up in me, so I came in here and now I'm going to share with you where I am at with it.

I still feel like I've got a really expanded vision. I almost feel like I've got a magnifying glass so that things that were obscure to me or invisible to me before, I can now look at and see so much more clearly. So that process is still going on. And it's fascinating and extraordinary and amazing how much the move to this level of consciousness allows me to see that I was so completely unaware of before. And when I say completely unaware of, I want to be clear. I have known a lot of the stuff that I'm seeing so much more clearly on a really kind of theoretical level in some ways. But what I'm capable of doing now, which I wasn't capable of doing three/four weeks ago, is to see it all play out with so much clarity. And so I'm going to share with you what that process is like because I'm still in it.

It is not all unicorns and rainbows and sunrises. It is not all fun. My emotions have been moving up and down in a really, I want to say fast way, but I don't think that's accurate. In a really kind of intense way so that I'm feeling things more deeply. Like when I feel amazing, I feel really amazing. But when I'm feeling really shit, I am feeling really shit. Like I'm so in the feeling, like my experience feels like it's heightened. And it's so interesting to me how as I move more and more to really honestly, genuinely allowing myself to have the experience that I'm having in the moment, as I teach myself kind of or learn to rather receive the moment, accept the moment, receive myself, accept myself in the moment. As I learn to develop the skill of doing that more and more. I am so aware of how much people want to push against it.

I'm lucky enough to have quite a few really conscious people in my life that I get to have amazing conversations about the nature of life and reality and what we're going through. I've got heaps of people like that in my world actually. And it's really interesting how even when I share with them that today I feel really shit, how conditioned everyone is to say something to kind of try and be uplifting. Like "Oh, it'll get better," and, "Let's have a good time at lunch, let's just make it good." It's so innate in us to want to feel good and that's a natural thing. But one of the things that I'm seeing with my expanded vision or my magnifying glass is how much we constantly, constantly resist not feeling good. The things that we don't like, how much tension we create inside of ourselves as we inwardly fight against. Even when our intention is to open to our feelings and to our experiences, even when that's what we want for ourselves. And that's something that I am starting to see myself do so much more clearly now than before.

I'll give you an example. I had a conversation where someone shared with me a conversation that they had with a friend. The friend was complaining about the fact that they have to drive an hour and a half to work each way. So that's 3 hours in the car. And it was interesting to me how I processed that. So my first thought was, "Well, if you're choosing those 3 hours, like why tense against them, why fight against them?" And I think that those of us who are spiritual are interpersonal development understand about the law of attraction are even more prone actually to trying to fast forward ourselves into a place of non resistance without realizing that trying to get to that place sometimes means that what we're doing is resisting ourselves.

So I imagined myself in that situation where okay, so I've chosen a job that's an hour and a half drive from where I live. So I've chosen that and I'm not happy with it. How would I get to a place of being happy with it without trying to fast forward? Because ultimately our highly evolved spiritual ideas, they're right. It's right that we innately know that we're meant to feel good, like that's an inherent truth in the universe. It's not wrong, but what is ineffective is the fact that we try and pole vault over our own resistance, or we try and walk around it or we try to go underneath it. And that is wildly ineffective. But we're just so stuck in that programming or that pattern or that paradigm that we don't really see ourselves doing it. And I'm starting to see myself doing it. And it's fascinating. It's utterly fascinating to me.

And so I thought, okay, so if I was in that situation, what would be the effective way? Because I'm playing around, right, like with the nature of reality and how it all works. I was just playfully thinking, okay, so if I was that person and I wanted to have an ultimate outcome of me not resisting the fact that I'm choosing to, for whatever circumstances, for whatever reason, I've made the choice to take on this job because we have got freedom and we've got freedom of choice. I started thinking about - there's a video in one of my programs, Freedom, Fun and Funds, which is a money program about reclaiming choice. So trying to overcome our resistance isn't about arguing ourselves out of our resistance, because when we're arguing ourselves out of our resistance, we're resisting ourselves, which means we're adding more resistance to the situation. Right? And so I thought, okay, so if that was me, what I would want to do so that I wasn't arguing myself out of my resistance, but so that I was moving to a place of no resistance would be to play with reclaiming choice. Because so often we make choices and then feel bound by them and then we feel like we're not free and our nature is of freedom.

You are making a choice right now to listen to this. You are making a choice right now not to be doing something else. You are making a choice right now to not completely leave everyone you know in your life and go sit in a mountain in the Himalayas. You're making the choice to not shave your head right now, unless you are. You make a million, a trillion choices every day that we disconnect from the fact that they're choices and then we feel powerless in them.

And so for me, if I was imagining myself being that person, what I would do is reclaim the fact that it's a choice and therefore reclaim the sense of power in it. But it's a really subtle thing to reclaim the sense of choice without arguing, "No, I have a choice and therefore I am..." No, because that's bringing more resistance into the space. And so if what we're trying to do spiritually is move to a place of acceptance and flow with the universe, then these really subtle distinctions in terms of, am I arguing with myself right now, or am I offering myself a different perspective? The energetic difference, and therefore the impact of those two things is fucking massive. It's massive.

And so I'm saying with so much more clarity now how much we all do this and we do it because we want the best for ourselves. But what we end up doing is arguing against ourselves, telling ourselves no, contracting our own energy, and then making parts of us feel unheard and unloved.

So as I make my way through the massive range of really profound emotions that I'm having in this up level experience or whatever it is that I'm living through, I don't know what the outcome of it is going to be. Like, I have no idea. It could be anything. But what I do know, because my own experience has proved it to me, is that this work of trying to relax into myself, trying to support myself, trying to create more acceptance of self, trying to really be with all of the parts of me, that's going to lead me to some kind of expansion, it's going to lead me to more good stuff. But I have no idea what that looks like or what it's going to be. And that's part of the journey that I'm on to really deeply, profoundly learn to completely allow and flow in a way that is empowered rather than in a way that throws my hands up in the air and goes, "The universe will decide." No, no, no. The universe and I are one, and we are co creating. And I feel like I'm kind of working out the map, the terrain, the way that this is most efficiently handled by us right now in this little journey, in this massive journey that I'm on.

As I've done this process or processing, or as I've been moving through this, I have become so aware, as I mentioned in that episode from two weeks ago, of a level of really intense anxiety that still lives in my heart. And I understand so much more profoundly now how much that anxiety comes from the profound feeling that I still have that I am responsible. And this is another thing that's blowing my mind. I think that the core of so many of the issues that we have as kind of spiritual self-development people is the fact that we still kind of accidentally, even though we know better, but we still kind of accidentally feel like we need to do it perfectly for things to go well; for us to really live those conscious, creator empower, divine, soulful, soul filled lives. It's like we still somewhat feel like we need to be perfect so that the universe will reward us and give us the things.

I've been gradually letting go of that for, I want to say, decades now. But I am so with my magnifying glass, aware of the places where that is still really strong in me. And again, it's fascinating because I honestly, genuinely if you had asked me, like three or four weeks ago, I would have thought that this wasn't a massive issue for me anymore. Turns out it is. And this, like, really letting go of this stuff at the most profound level is what I feel like I've been building my muscle up for the last decades in preparation for. Because what I'm asking of myself is to let go of the feeling that I'm responsible, which is what has let me feel safe for a really long time. The idea of completely letting go of the illusion of control because it's not actual control, but the illusion of control. It's a really profoundly scary thing. And I thought that to a large degree, I had already done it. But oh, no, no, no. As I experienced this really strong feeling in my heart, when this anxiety comes up, it's so big. The feeling of it is so big. It feels like - you know when they talk about anxiety, feeling like you're getting chased by a tiger? It feels like that. It feels like I can't breathe probably. It feels like my heart is racing. It feels like I need to take an action right now to be safe.

And so sitting with that feeling is a real challenge. And Medha from a year ago would probably go, "Right. I've got to sit with this feeling," with a level of intensity that currently I don't have. And so I'm doing the most self loving thing in each moment. If it feels to me like it's more self loving in this moment, for me to sit with that feeling and really be with those parts of myself and sit with them and feel them, then I do that. But if it feels like I've done enough of that right now and I need a break, then I go watch some TV or I go cuddle some dogs, or I go listen to an audiobook. And what I'm feeling is that the fuel of it is starting to get used up. But the intensity of it is so big that I can only really fully be with it in kind of short bursts. So I am not at all fast forwarding this, and that's a big deal, because past Medha was always about the outcome, the result. Whereas now I feel like I'm really just learning to be, do as well, but mostly be. And that's what I've been feeling like this health stuff has been trying to teach me the whole time. So the irony of the fact that I thought I was doing all the things and the illness should have gone away already is not lost on me. But I honestly, genuinely feel like I'm learning to let go in empowered ways that are kind of deeper than what I understood was possible for me before.

And something else that's happening as I make my way through this experience is that I realized something amazing. I need a lot more silence than I ever did before. And I need silence more than most people. So Matt's often surprised when he will come into the lounge room or whatever, and I'm just looking out the window and he gets a bit uncomfortable and says, "Do you want me to turn the TV on?" I like silence. But I hadn't realised that apart from certain times, there's a couple of seats in my house that I sit at consciously in order to just kind of be like to look at the trees and my showers and my dog walks. Apart from those times, I hadn't realised that I was constantly consuming things. Audiobooks and podcasts mostly. But if I was getting my breakfast, I'd be listening to something unless Matt was around. Most of the time I'd be listening to something. I'd be consuming something and fascinating, amazing stuff that I was super duper interested in. But it wasn't until this up level thing where I realised that there was a sense in which, despite the fact that I was enjoying consuming all that stuff, there was a bit of compulsion to my consumption. It's like I wanted to be busy. I wanted my mind to have something to focus on, I wanted to be doing, I wanted to be achieving.

And so now I find that I often don't choose to put things on anymore in the background and I'm having a lot more silence and it's a really beautiful thing. And when I am choosing to listen to things now, it's much more conscious and I'm taking it on more and really enjoying it. But before it was just thing after thing after thing after thing after thing, and it felt like, I don't know. I was ticking things off the list or something. It felt like achievement.

I remember a long time ago when I was really debilitated with Fibromyalgia. I couldn't wash my hair, I couldn't cook things; I could barely move my arms at all. I couldn't work. I was quite depressed. I remember I used to watch movies and, like, I wouldn't even go for a walk, even though technically with my legs I could move them. And someone asked me, "Why don't you go for a walk? Why don't you go to the beach? Why don't you go?" And I said, "No, no, because this is my thing that I'm doing. I have to achieve these movies, I have to tic them off my list." And I'm just realizing now that sense of wanting to achieve has been the compulsion underneath a lot of the consumption of the things that I've loved recently. I'm not saying that I shouldn't be consuming things that I love, but I'm so much more conscious now in the decision and I'm giving myself so much more space of being in my own energy and that's a beautiful thing.

So that's where it's at right now. I have no idea where this is going to take me. I don't know how I'm going to process myself or the world after this, but I'm really excited about it. I feel like I'm getting so much clarity and I also want to say this: I think the reason this has happened now is because I've been building up to it for a really long time and I've been learning to really profoundly accept and love myself and support myself through difficult things. And I don't think that without that, this new level would be available to me at all. So if you want to build your muscle of it, I highly recommend the Return to Wholeness Process. I will never Tell you that that's the only way. Never in the world will I say that. But I will tell you that it's the most efficient way that I've ever come across or discovered and it's what has wildly changed my life and continues to do so.

If you don't already have the Free Return to Wholeness Mini Course, I highly recommend that you grab it.

That's it for now. I'll keep you posted. I'll keep sharing this. Thank you for your love and for your support and the messages that you've sent me throughout this experience. Our connection means a lot to me and I am not just talking at you, so please find me on the socials. If you're not already getting the emails that I send out on almost weekly basis, usually weekly, I'd love for us to become pen pals.

But I'm going to leave you with that. We'll touch base again soon. Thank you.

I have a very special VIP place in my heart for the people who choose to be my Pen Pals. In fact, as a thank you for being on my email list, I'm playing with the idea of posting some free sessions exclusively for my email Pen Pals. If we're not already Pen Pals and you'd like us to be, then I'd love to welcome you. Go to The link will be in the show notes.

Also, if you love our podcast, we would love your help to reach more people with It. Whether you choose to rate and review the podcast, to share it on socials or to personally share it with a particular person or people you think might benefit, you have my eternal gratitude.

Thank you so much for Listening. And in the words of Oron, go well.

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