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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 84 – How do I work with myself with self love? Return to Wholeness Process

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

If you’ve ever wondered ‘how do i do spirituality with self love’ or ‘how do I try to grow with self acceptance’, then you’re on the verge of seriously uplevelling your personal development and spirituality. Because genuine self-love and self-acceptance are the secret ingredients of fast and flowing personal growth. The Return to Wholeness process is a spectacular tool that you can use to love yourself instead of rejecting yourself. Because if criticising yourself into expansion worked - you’d be there already!

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Medha: You're about to watch me take Vincent through the Return to Wholeness process. The Return to Wholeness process is a powerful self transformation tool, and it's been described to me as the How To of Self Love. It's designed to be used on your own, but watching people be guided through the process is a really good way way of getting some clarity around the process so you can then feel more comfortable using it for yourself. If you watch this video closely, you're going to see some text appear at different points throughout the process. That text is going to provide you with insights and understandings and the context of why we're doing particular things at particular times. Most of what you're going to see is unedited, but we've left out the preliminary conversation that Vincent and I had where he explained to me what the issue was that he wanted to work with. Vincent said he has a health issue that makes it really difficult for him to breathe when he's exposed to particular irritants. But he doesn't always know what those irritants are. He said the condition makes him feel fatigued, tired, exhausted, but also anxious because he's not sure when he's going to come across those things and what impact it's going to have on him. It takes him quite a while to recover. Vincent also shared that he's moving into a new house, and that new house has some funny smells in the bedroom. And Vincent is concerned about what impact that may have on his health. Here's the Return to Wholeness Process.

I'm going to get you close your eyes. It's really going to be guided by you and your inner wisdom and your answers. So you staying connected to you is more important than you staying connected to me. I'll stay connected to you.

Vincent: All right.

Medha: All right. So take a couple of breaths, in and out, and just really take a moment to relax into your body. Just let yourself soften and just spent a moment kind of really inhabiting your body being in it. Now I'm going to ask you a question and just feel into rather than thinking, try and fuel into what the answer might be. Do you want to play right now in this moment? Which one is calling you more? The part of you that wants this gone or the part of you that wants to be more relaxed and confident around it?

Vincent: The part that wants to be more relaxed and confident?

Medha: Okay, beautiful. So connecting to that part of you, to be honest, probably what's been happening is that part has been getting squashed quite a lot by the part of you that just wants it gone. Like we had to dig a little to even find this part right. So take a moment to kind of give it energy and space and give that part of your permission to be and to exist and to think whatever it thinks and to feel whatever it fuel and just stay with it for a minute. What happens when you do that?

Vincent: I can notice the one that wants to get rid of it. Trying to come in and squash that part.

Medha: Yeah. Perfect. Okay. So can you check with the part of you that wants to be more confident? Is that part of you comfortable with us shifting over here so that we can then give it our full attention

Vincent: With what? Sorry.

Medha: So the part of you that wants to be confident had the microphone. Right. But then the other part that wants to get rid of the problem was like, no. Which makes it hard to hear. The part of you that's got the microphone. I want to make sure that the part of you that has the microphone is comfortable if it knows that we're going to come back to it, we're not ignoring it. We're not taking our attention away from it, but we're trying to create a space where we can hear it more clearly. Is the part of you that wants to be confident, comfortable with us shifting our attention, to deal with the loudness if we say we're going to come back, is that okay?

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: Okay. Beautiful. So we'll come back to that. Now I want you to give the microphone to the part of you that's trying to break in and go, what are you doing? We do not want to live with this. Stop it. Okay. So give him space and energy and again, permission to be and think and feel whatever it is that he is and thinks and feels. None of it's wrong. And our job right now is just to be with it and to hear it.

Vincent: The one that wants to get just rid of it.

Medha: Yes. The one that wants to just get rid of it and things that are trying to live with it is stupid and we should just get rid of it.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: Give him total permission to be exactly as he is, think what he thinks, and we're just going to be with him for a minute. What happens?

Vincent: Yeah. It feels like he doesn't want me to feel like a victim anymore. He wants me to feel like I can live a normal life.

Medha: Yeah. Okay. So this is really important, right? So the part of you that wants you to get rid of the problem, the motivation, the fuel for that is the fact that it wants you empowered and it doesn't want you at the effect of things. Right?

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: Okay. I'm going to talk to that part of you that wants to empower it and not at the effect of things. And I'm going to remind him that the world is a really big place and a lot of things happen on so many different levels and in so many different layers that if you're truly honest about it and not inside of your control, and so wouldn't it be better to feel confident, relaxed, accepting, empowered, and not at the victim of inside of yourself instead of trying to go outside of yourself and stopping all of the things coming at you in the first place. Wouldn't it be more empowering to know inside of yourself that no matter what is happening in the outside world, you are not at the effect because you have got your powerful connection to yourself and you can handle it, which means you don't even have to be scared or looking for the next danger or the next one or hyper vigilant because you know inside of yourself that you can handle whatever comes. Wouldn't that be more powerful?

Vincent: Yeah. He's saying definitely. As long as you can make sure you can survive, as long as you can still please.

Medha: Okay, good one.

Vincent: Yeah. And as long as you can maintain a certain quality of your life where you can still give love to the one you love, like take care of your family and your loved ones and yourself.

Medha: We're going to get a bit intense here. If it gets uncomfortable, can you please tell me? Because the most important thing in this session is that you feel safe. I don't want to push you into anything that makes you get any kind of tension. And so if that happens, I'm going to trust you to tell me, hang on, I'm getting tense. Just tell me that and then we'll pivot. Right. Okay.

Vincent: All right.

Medha: All right. Does this part of you acknowledge that at some point you're going to die?

Vincent: Yeah, it does.

Medha: Okay. How does it feel about the fact that at some point you're going to die?

Vincent: How does it feel about it? It creates a bit of tension. Yeah. But I think the bigger fear than dying, like the bigger fear is like living but without being able to live, like living without being able to take care of my loved ones, without living a normal life. I think this is the bigger fear, like needing someone to take care of me or just disconnecting from the world, not living a normal life, not maintaining a certain quality of life. I think this is a bigger fear.

Medha: Okay.

Vincent: Living with discomfort, not being able to breathe from my nose. I think this is a bigger fear than dying for this part.

Medha: Yeah. Okay. Got it. Is it the discomfort or is it the needing to be looked after?

Vincent: I think that part realise that, let's say, like I have to live my life without breathing from my nose. It's not going to be life. It's not going to be like the life I want. I'm not going to be able to sleep properly. I'm not going to be able to exercise. I'm not going to be able to maintain my mental health. I'm not going to be able to have driving career, like all of those things. So there is a part of it which is maybe being taken care of, but I think it's the whole package of not being able to thrive and to really enjoy life and have fun and achieve my ambitions. Like dream, I would say not being able to dream about a driving life.

Medha: Okay. So this is a bigger fear than death. So this part of you would rather be dead than have this situation. Right. So this is a life and death thing for this part of you, it would pick death.

Vincent: For this part. Maybe.

Vincent: Apparently that's what's coming up now. I want to think more about it and change its perception. Maybe something.

Medha: We don't want to argue with it. We don't want to tell it's illogical because it is the way it is for a really important reason. We want to understand it and we want to support it. That's our only job. Our job isn't to make it think differently. Our job is to be with it and hear and understand its needs and find ways to try to meet those needs. That's our only job. So I just want to acknowledge this part of you for saying things and sharing with you things that might sound illogical because unless it's willing to do that, unless you're willing to see illogical things inside of yourself, you'll stay stuck in the same circles. So go you.

Vincent: Yeah. Thank you.

Medha: Okay. So just to summarise, for this part of you, it's either get rid of this or die.

Vincent: For this part. Yeah.

Medha: For this part. Okay. All right.

Vincent: Yeah. Wow. This is powerful. This part basically is like this is how I'm living my life right now. For me, for example, like, going to any restaurant where there might be a risk of smoke is not questionable for me. So there's many options that I just eliminate in my life so I don't get exposed to this. And I think it's driven by this part.

Medha: Yeah. The thing about it is this pattern like this, trying to control the outside irritants is how most humans live on the planet trying to control their outer world to make sure their inside experience is okay.

Vincent: Sorry, I didn't get that.

Medha: So most people on the planet live in the same way as this part is living with this situation for you. So they're wanting to control the outside world so that you're not exposed to stimulants or irritants outside of you. Most people live in this way trying to manage and control the outside world so that their inner experience is what they want. Because that's what this part is saying. It wants you happy. It wants you fulfilled. It wants you exercising and feeling the vitality. This part is actually concerned with your inner experience, and it's trying to arrive at the experience at once by controlling your outside world.

Vincent: Definitely. There's lots of control in it.

Medha: Yeah, that's right. But I want you to see that this is so much more than just about this nose condition. This is about a relationship with life in this situation. You as a conscious creator who wants to deeply, profoundly be empowered. Right. That's the fuel of this part. It wants you empowered and not at the effect of things. It's just that what it's doing is trying to control your outside world and not just in relation to irritants, but in relation to other things. This is not in isolation. This is like a magnifying glass over the pattern of living your life in a way that tries to claim your power by controlling the world around you, which is how most people live.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: How do you feel about that?

Vincent: Totally. Less than eight.

Medha: Yeah. Okay. All right.

Vincent: Yeah. Because sometimes if I'm walking on the street and someone is walking same direction as mine and smoking, sometimes I feel I just want to go and take the cigarettes from them and just put it on the ground. So that is that feeling of control. And I need to do that. Of course, there's also judgement in it.

Medha: Yeah, of course.

Vincent: Why? They're not conscious about the harm they do to people around them. So. Yeah. Totally resonate with the control and the judgement within the control.

Medha: Okay. So I want you to connect in with yourself right now and just notice what's happening. And I want you to notice where your mind wants to go inside of yourself. So what part of you wants to speak next? What's happening?

Vincent: My body is pointing me to a relaxed part.

Medha: Okay, great. So let's go towards the relaxed part.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: And we'll give at the microphone and the stage and again, the permission and the space.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: What happens?

Vincent: The image I got is that I'm totally isolated from the external world and it's just me. It's like this part is telling me that it's just about you. It's all in you.

Medha: How does that feel?

Vincent: Isolation. Empowering, I would say. But there was a voice of doubt. I don't know if it's probably another voice. It's not that relaxed voice, but. Yeah, it just felt relaxing. Empowering, safe, I would say, because I felt really isolated. It's funny. Because we were talking about control. I felt in control because it's just me.

Medha: Yes.

Vincent: And there was this voice of doubt. But this is not practical life. Right.

Medha: Okay, good. Let's go to the voice of doubt. This is not practical life. Let it talk. Let it tell us everything it thinks.

Vincent: Yeah. The voice of doubt is like, it's beautiful that it's all about you. It's all within you. But also the stuff that are thrown onto you have a big effect on you. That's what it's trying to tell me. And you cannot just ignore them.

Medha: That's interesting, right? Given that we were talking to the part that wants to get rid of this health issue. And what it said is it doesn't want you at the effective stuff. So this part is saying. But you're at the effective stuff.

Vincent: Yeah. So wait a second, I'm confused.

Medha: Now we're talking about now we've got three parts.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: We've all got many, many, many parts. So don't be scared if we get to a fourth or a fifth. It's all good.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: Okay. So just to clarify, we've got the part of you that actually is relaxed and feels empowered and kind of separate from the outside world in that it's inside of itself, capable of the acceptance, the confidence, the relaxation, and the empowerment, irrespective of what's happening around you. Like, even if there was a whirlwind outside of you, it's solid inside itself. Right. So we've got that part.

Vincent: It's like a Monk energy. Just isolate yourself.

Medha: Solid.

Vincent: Yeah. Solid. Yes.

Medha: Beautiful. So we got that one, and then we've got the part that wants you so empowered and not at the effect of the world. Who has wanted to get rid of this health condition? But what it really deeply wants for you is to have a fulfilling life where you are happy and joyous and fulfilled and not at the effect of the outside world. Right. Can you see that that's exactly the same as the relaxed part.

Vincent: As intention, you mean?

Medha: Yeah. Like its goal for you is actually the experience of the relaxed part.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: Okay, cool. So how does this part then, the one that wants you empowered, the one that has the goal of you feeling solid? How does it feel about the fact there's a part of you that already has this experience inside of you? What does it think about that?

Vincent: That part is more energetic. The other one is more relaxed, more grounded. This one is more like the fire energy. I would say once to do stuff. We talked about it. There is a control in it. So there is more force in that energy in that part of me.

Medha: Yes. How does it feel emotionally about the fact that everything it's trying to create for you is already inside of you being experienced by a separate part of you that it's disconnected from? So it wasn't aware that that experience that it's fighting it's asked to create for you is already held inside of you by a separate part that you didn't see. So how does it feel about that?

Vincent: Yeah, that's a powerful question. Let me sit with it for a few seconds.

Medha: Take your time. I'm just going to remind you to feel into it rather than try and think into it. So the mind is valuable, but the parts are easier to access via feeling usually.

Vincent: Yeah. I'd be surprised. Yeah, of course it's surprised. I would say, like in the beginning, if I just blurt out everything that was there, there was a bit of doubt.

Medha: Yeah, of course.

Vincent: But it's like looking at the other part was like this. Okay. Interesting. It's surprised and interested in knowing more.

Medha: Okay. Excellent.

Vincent: Curious about that part as well.

Medha: I love that. Okay. So thank that part of you. And now turn to the relaxed part.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: And then ask it if it would be willing to share its experience and its relaxess and its confidence and its acceptance and its empowerment. Is it willing to share it with the other part?

Vincent: Yes. Immediate answer is yes.

Medha: Okay. Beautiful. I want you to imagine that the relaxed part duplicates its own knowing. So it's not like it's sharing it and losing anything for itself. So it kind of creates a copy of its knowing and its feeling and its peacefulness and its centeredness and it puts it on maybe like a tray. And then I want you to imagine that it offers this tray to the other part. It's not pushing it, it's not forcing it to take it. It's a gift, it's an offering.

Vincent: I just felt a big relief in my legs. There was tension that I wasn't noticing and just felt a relief. And it's actually now spreading into all of my body. So it feels like this part is kind of.

Medha: Yes.

Vincent: You mentioned the word replicating or duplicating. Yes. This energy is kind of replicating now in all of my body.

Medha: Beautiful. That happens as that replicates and starts to fill your body. I just want to, with all my heart, acknowledge the part of you who started off thinking that they had to get rid of this so that you could have the experience and working so hard and carrying so much tension and helping you to be always vigilant so that you wouldn't be impacted. Because at its core, it so loves you and wants you to have a fulfilling experience of life. Like everything that's done up until this point has been from absolute love and care for you. And it was disconnected from the part that already had that experience. So, of course it didn't know, of course it's surprised, but I just want to acknowledge how amazing this part of you is, that it's willing to in the moment that it realises that there's a bigger perspective and there's more available, it's willing to drop its stuff enough to allow this duplicating energy to come in. It's like radically allowing itself to shift its perspective and it's doing it by itself. We have forced nothing and it's shifting in order to help you to experience even more of that delicious, empowered, relaxed state.

And I just want to honour it for all of that.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: What's happening for you now?

Vincent: A couple of things also, like when this relaxing energy started going around, I felt kind of like an expansion energy. I felt I'm expanding. Like my body is expanding.

Medha: Yeah, I get it.

Vincent: So this is one. The second thing, the part of me that was accepting that new energy, there was a slight doubt coming again, but then it got also released. I think it's more like thoughts than energy, actually.

Medha: Okay.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: Okay. So I want to remind you about how we were first talking about when you resist anything, you can track your own energy. Right. So this other part was initially like, no, we can't have a full feeling life if we have this condition, we have to get rid of the condition. There's such resistance in that. There's such tension in that which you fell in your legs, and there's a contraction of energy which you felt in the contrast when the acceptance energy came in, the relaxed energy of allowing and flow. So that's why you're feeling more expanded now. And isn't it interesting that feeling in this more relaxed, expanded way gets you to that outcome of the centeredness that the other part of you was trying to create by controlling the outside world before?

Vincent: Yeah, exactly. It just came up with what I wanted to say as well regarding the doubt that it had the part of me, that part of me that wanted to get it was very welcoming to that new energy, but was asking, now what regarding your notes? Are you just going to go, oh.

Medha: That's a very good question.

Vincent: Expose yourself to cigarette smoke like that. What's going to happen to you if he's like, okay, I understand this energy. I kind of trust it, but I want more assurance.

Medha: That's very fair. So I'm going to get that part of you to imagine. So if you've ever seen nature documentaries and you see like a deer that's kind of drinking water or eating food, it's really super relaxed. And when it hears a noise like it perks up and has a look around, and if there's a danger, it takes an action to preserve itself. And if there's no danger, it goes back to being completely relaxed and eating and drinking in a really relaxed energy. So this is not about you not taking care of yourself. This is not about you not being aware of what feels better for you and what feels worse, like you're going to be more connected to that experience when it's not being filtered through stress. And what we'll find will happen the more you expand and connect into the relaxation energy and the more this part of you gets familiar with the relaxation energy of empowerment. You're going to find yourself being guided to things and away from things a lot more naturally than what you've been trying to superimpose with your mind. You'll find things will happen as you develop this connection with yourself more and more.

And this feeling of actually being empowered inside of yourself. You'll find some more go, let's go for dinner here. And you might just go, actually, you know what? I'd rather go here. And you'll never know that you avoided something and you don't need to because you're solid in yourself and you carry that solidity everywhere you go. How does that feel about what I'm saying?

Vincent: Awesome.

Medha: Yeah. And that's what it wanted you to feel powerful.

Vincent: I want to get to that state where the universe guides me.

Medha: Yeah, that's right. Via you, though, because you and the universe are one. Right. And so you being connected into that relaxed state of self that is solid. Remember, like, the Monk doesn't get thrown around by things, but he's aware of things. It just doesn't rock the inside. It's not like in the Monk energy, you close your eyes and go, Nothing's bad. It's not that. It's not that at all like, you're aware of things and you take the appropriate step in each situation because your discernment isn't ruffled by the stress or the hyper vigilance or they're going into the spiral of, oh, no. If this happens, I'll feel like this, and then this will happen, and then this will happen. There's no need for that from the relaxed, empowered state and what I'm feeling. This isn't an energy work, Practise. This is a return to harness what we're doing today. But I'm an energy healer, and so what I can feel is that a lot of the exhaustion and the pain that you experience is from resisting the experience rather than the physical reaction to the irritants. I'm not saying that there's no physical reaction. There absolutely is.

But the same way that you felt that relaxation in your body and that expansion of your energy, if that's the you that's interacting with an irritant, your experience is going to be different than if it's the tense, less energy contracted energy you that's interacting with an irritant.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: Does that make sense to you?

Vincent: Totally. Yes.

Medha: Okay.

Vincent: I don't know how much energy and effort subconsciously I put trying to resist so much.

Medha: I can tell you so much. So much energy and effort, because this has been a matter of life and death for that part of you up until now. It's priority one in a way. Even though you have all these other competing priorities and needs and stuff, you can't fulfil them if you're dead. And so this has been trumping everything. There is so much of you that has gone into this for the purposes of helping you to feel empowered, not impacted by the world, relaxed and confident. And now you can access that via a different way. Magic, isn't it?

Vincent: It is.

Medha: Okay. All right. So just before we finish up, I want you to cheque in with both of the main parts that we've worked with today and just cheque in with them with how they're going and if there's anything else they want you to know or that they want to say to each other.

Vincent: I think the point that wants to get rid of it, just realise how tired it is.

Medha: Of course. Oh, my God. I'm so happy to hear that. Yes.

Vincent: And really needs a break.

Medha: Yeah.

Vincent: And it needs also reassurance that I'm not just throwing myself into danger. Let's say yes.

Medha: Okay. So can you give it that reassurance?

Vincent: Definitely.

Medha: Okay. There's something else I want to say. This work isn't about demoting or bringing down the importance of this part. This part is so valuable, and it's love for you and its support of you is so amazing. It's just that rather than channelling it into the contracted energy of resistance after it has rested, after it fuel full again, you're going to be able to channel that exact energy into its real goals, which isn't to get rid of the condition. It's for you to be fulfilled and empowered and joyful and happy. Imagine when all of the energy that you've been investing into this tension and this contraction gets invested into the expansion joy and fulfilment and relaxation and flow. Just imagine what that is. So this isn't about getting rid of this part of you at all. This is about helping it to stop fighting and pushing against and instead being just as fulfilled and happy and joyous as it wants you to be.

Vincent: Wow.

Medha: Okay. So can you ask it if there's anything that it needs from you so that it can really have a good recovery rest? So, Reassurance, you already gave it. Is there anything else? There might not be, but it's good to cheque.

Vincent: Vigilance goes again with reassurance. I think you're just not totally ignoring, but just being vigilant.

Medha: Okay.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: So I'm going to ask it. So vigilant is a bit of a tense energy. So is it okay with it if instead of you being vigilant, you just be wise and aware?

Vincent: I like that. Yeah. I like the different energy of aware versus digital.

Medha: Yes. One is contracted and one's expansive.

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: But is the part of you comfortable with this? We don't want to force it into something it's not comfortable with because it will rebel. We want it to be heard and supported in the way it needs, not in the way we think it needs.

Vincent: It's coming with a counteroffer. What's the counter offer good, educated.

Medha: Okay, what does that mean?

Vincent: Like, that part felt that being aware might not always cover. Like we can't always be 100% aware.

Medha: Yes.

Vincent: This is why it first came with vigilant.

Medha: But I'm going to counter with the fact that you trying to be vigilant. It doesn't guarantee you're going to be aware of everything anyway. It's just trying to be aware with a tense energy. It doesn't make it more aware. But I'm not arguing with it. I'm offering this as a perspective. So if it wants to push back against me, please let it's important.

Vincent: Yeah. It feels like it's still uneducated.

Medha: Okay. So that's totally fine. But we want you to fulfil that need in a way that it's satisfied with. So what does it want you to do in terms of your education? Because we could interpret that in different ways, and we want to be meeting its needs fully. So what does it want you to get educated around?

Vincent: It's like it's added this as an objective to being aware. It's like educated awareness.

Medha: Yeah.

Vincent: I'm just blurting. I really don't know what's with the wording. I'm just blurting whatever's coming.

Medha: It's saying it wants to educate. Okay, cool. So let's just ask some question then. Does it want you to do research about irritants? Like, is that what it wants? Is it education about the outside world or the inside world.

Vincent: Outside, but sometimes not all the time.

Medha: Okay, you know what telling me, when.

Vincent: Necessary, I want you to educate yourself on your things.

Medha: Well, that sounds very reasonable. Are you comfortable committing to doing that?

Vincent: Yeah.

Medha: Okay. Well, then do it. Commit to this part of you that when it's necessary, you will take the time and you will prioritise it. Okay. So I want to say something else before we finish. This part of you has done such a massive job of shifting its perspective that I want to let you and it know that it's okay if it forgets that we had this conversation. Like, if it goes back into the old pattern, that's totally understandable. And to remember that you have always got the relaxed version of you inside of you who will be ready and willing to remind it that there is a better, more relaxed, more expanded energy way of feeling powerful and fulfilled and joyful. And so if it starts to freak out, there needs to be some way that it gets your attention you. And it needs to have, like a secret code or some kind of way that it can go, hey, I'm starting to get a bit scared now when it's at a lower level rather than it having to yell to get your attention. So what would work for both of you as your code? That there needs to be a conversation.

Vincent: When it needs to work at a higher level, you mean?

Medha: So what I mean is it has just gone from thinking that it absolutely had to get rid of your health condition or else you'd rather be dead like that. This is life and death, and the only solution is for you to not have this right. That was the only thing it had. It has gone from that trying to access your fulfilling life and your empowerment through this resisting of the medical condition. It's gone from that to being totally open to the fact that that experience that it's been working so hard to create is already inside of you. And even so far as allowing that experience in, that is a really big deal. But what might happen is that there's a lot of momentum and experience trying to fight the illness. So what I'm saying is, at some point, it's very likely that this part of you will accidentally go back to trying to fight the illness. It will do that from fear. If a doubt comes up, if a worry comes up, if a fear comes up. And so it's going to be a lot better if that part of you can talk to you when the fear of the worry is small and you can reassure it, and you can meet its needs and you can bring the relaxed version in to share the knowledge with it when that fear is small.

But if you ignore a small fear, it's going to get louder and louder and louder, and you may even end up back where you were before. And so what needs to happen is it's like you're establishing a new relationship with this part of you now, and you want to have a really good relationship, which means you want to have really good communication, but you're not used to stopping and talking with this part of you. This isn't a thing you've done. And so what can you set up in place for the two of you so that you keep having the conversation and you keep reassuring it and also listening to its concerns and its needs, not arguing against them, but meeting those concerns and meeting those needs? You get what I mean?

Vincent: Yeah. Totally tricky, though, because I need kind of like a practical code, right?

Medha: It might be that you do, or it might be that you cheque in with it three times a day for the next three weeks so that it becomes a habit of going, how are you going? What's going on for you? Are you worried right now? Is there any educating of myself that you'd like me to do in this moment? Do you need any reassurance? Or it might be that every time you notice yourself getting resistant or worried or anxious about a place you're going or the smell in your new bedroom, it might be that that's the cue for you to sit down and have a conversation. It might be that you have multiple things set up. It's just that we don't want you walking away from this session and not setting up a way of keeping this going.

Vincent: I like that. I would say when there is a trigger, when there is a trigger, when I feel this part is kind of waking up. Okay, that is a danger, then I'm definitely going to know that it's time for me to have a conversation with it. Like proper conversation. Yeah.

Medha: Okay, cool. I would also invite you to cheque in on it when it's not scared. So maybe you put a reminder in your phone once a day so that this doesn't become a situation where you only connect with it when it's terrified.

Vincent: It's a habit thing, like cheque with it once a day for the next two, three weeks to make it a habit.

Medha: Yes.

Vincent: Like a cheque in. Like a quick cheque in and then a longer conversation when that is inevitable. When it's really waking up. Yeah.

Medha: Love it. Okay, so just cheque in with all the parts now and see if anyone needs anything or if they want you to know anything or share anything. If there's anything else that needs to be said for now.

Vincent: Yes. The relaxed part is happiness. It feels like it took territory just sitting happily.

Medha: Love that.

Vincent: Yeah. There was a third part. I forgot. What was it?

Medha: Okay, it was the doubt it was actually the same part. We thought it was a different part but it wasn't it was the doubt of the part that wanted to get rid of the illness about whether it could hold if whether it was trustable that the energy could be trusted. We work with two really.

Vincent: Okay. All right, then. Yeah, that's it. I already covered the first one which is just needs the reassurance I think now with the cheque in that we set up and the conversation I think it got this reassurance beautiful.

Medha: And so just before we finish, I want to honour both of the amazing parts of you because also the relaxed part was so generous and willing to share and it really literally just stayed solid inside of you the entire time. The part of you that wanted to get rid of the illness right wanted you to not be affected by the outside world but the relaxed part of you wasn't being affected by the world. We and around it, even inside of you like it's literally the embodiment of what you're wanting for yourself and it's so generous to share that after it's been ignored and resisted for so long. So both of your parts are like, magnificent and I just want to thank them.

Vincent: Yeah. Just powerful to notice.

Medha: Absolutely. Yeah. So I'll give you a minute to just finish it up in whatever way you need. So inside of yourself you can acknowledge them and honour them and maybe give them a hug or a high five or whatever you need to do and then when you're ready, you can open your eyes.

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