Episode 82 – I struggle to have connection to others and I feel I have no purpose
Updated: Oct 16
What is the relationship between our hormones and our spiritual growth? We know that our hormones affect our moods, attitudes and perspective. So do our hormones affect our spiritual growth? When it comes to personal development are we at the effect of our hormones? Is our spirituality impacted by our hormones If you’ve ever felt yourself thinking ‘my personal development is being thwarted by my hormones’, then this video is for you.
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I'm struggling with connections with others [starts at 00:03:09] I feel like I have no purpose here [starts at 00:10:17] Is there an easy way to reconnect to myself? [starts at 00:12:15]
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Oron: We are here and ready. And before we invite you to ask your first question, we wish to address the difficulty that Medha mention to you that she was having in connecting in with us, due to the fact that she can hear one of her precious angel dogs barking and barking, barking and barking in a way that's unusual.
Medha is very emotionally as well as energetically connected to these dogs. And it was not that she was concerned it was going to impact the recording quality, it was concern around the wellbeing of the dog. And although she had a moment of trying to argue herself out of her feeling, that did not work. It wasn't effective. And so she was not in a place of the allowing and flow that's required for us to come through with her. She was actually in a state of resistance. And although it is possible for us to still come through with a level of resistance, it does not allow her to experience the golden, glowing heart of love that she associates with us coming through. We have spoken about that on this podcast previously.
The thing we would like to point out, though, that she did that allowed her to be fully open to flowing and no longer resisting the fact that the dog was barking is she fell into the quality of the vibration of the energy that she was sensing from the bark.
She mentioned to you that the dog was barking in the way that the dog normally barks when the dog is angry at something. And so that is what prompted her to have concern for his well being. Is the dog okay? Is something undesirable occurring?
But when she fell into it, when she connected in with the energy of it - and this is something you all have the capacity to do - when she connected into the energy, she felt that the dog was irritated or annoyed rather than in any kind of unfortunate situation that needed to be avoided. And she connected in with how much both of her dogs feel that they should have all the things that they want, how much they feel totally deserving of all the things that they want, and how much they will be persistent in pursuing the guessing of the things that they want. And she had a moment of expanding into her own heart and valuing those qualities so much inside of herself about the dogs and wanting to activate those qualities inside of herself also. And she therefore dropped any resistance that she was having to the situation and allowed us to come through.
We are not advocates of you ignoring or repressing your feelings, but there are times and instances where it is possible to shift your perception slightly in order to allow more allowing. Repressing your feelings is a form of resistance, but when you are in an open space of choice and you have the ability to, without repression, move towards something that feels lighter, that choice is always going to lead you to a more aligned space where you're capable of receiving more and more and more. Let's play.
Mellie: I'm really struggling with connection with others at the moment. It's so severe for me at the moment that I wake up every morning wondering why I'm on Earth and really need to find some purpose and some way of getting that connection back.
I do understand that play and joy is a way to lighten up and feel more enriched, but I'm struggling to do that without a playmate or someone to do those things with. So I would really like to hear what you have to say on that, please.
Oron: We are going to say something that you have heard us say before, but you are going to hear it and feel it more deeply. And we are happy to provide this assistance for you today. The connection that you are seeking is not with others. The connection that you are seeking is with yourself. And the situation that you find yourself in where connection with others feels less available than you would like is actually an amazing divine set up to allow you to go into the only thing that will actually soothe you, which is the connection with yourself. Because when the connection with your self is anchored is there is present, it is the filter through which you experience everything with everybody outside of you.
So there are no connections, there is no quantity, there's no quality of connections with people outside of you that will soothe the feeling inside of you that the connection itself is not as deep as you would desire it. We will give you the example of Medha - and we have spoken about this before. When she was in a period of being single and she wanted a relationship. She was doing the work to get herself aligned to that relationship inside of herself. And she had a conversation with a friend that allowed her to see that she was seeking something externally rather than internally. She said to her friend, "I really miss having intimacy, deep intimacy with somebody." And the friend said to her - a wise, conscious friend - said to her, "Well, it looks like you are looking for something outside of yourself. You have to find a way of giving that to yourself first."
And Medha's mind could not compute that. Initially her first thought around that was, "Well, no. I'm looking for intimacy. That needs to be with someone outside of me. How can I have intimacy inside of me?" Her initial response to that was to reject it. But she played with it and she stayed connected to the idea and she explored it inside of herself. And she realized that with her understanding of how the universe works, her friend was right.
So she invited herself to play with how to create the experience of deep connection with somebody without needing somebody else to give it to her. So she created an imaginary boyfriend. She called him Gorgey Boy, and she began talking to Gorgey Boy, asking how his day was sharing her day. She literally imagined herself walking hand in hand with him. He became so real to her and their relationship, their connection became so real to her. And so real, in fact, that when she met Matt, there was a moment where she actually thought, "Is it worth bringing in an actual human, given that I'm so happy and so in flow?" Because actual humans sometimes create a level of friction that imaginary boyfriends are unlikely to do.
She had an intuitive insight that Matt was going to come into her life. So that is only a brief moment that she did not really doubt whether or not she was going to go forward with a physical human. But we share that with you to highlight how much she built inside of herself the sense of that connection and that intimacy, so that she was no longer looking outside of herself for it. She was not demanding that the universe give her something that she was not willing to give to herself. And although you know and you understand that connection with self and self love is important. Dear one, there are ways in which you are not doing that to yourself and for yourself in a way that fills your heart.
There is a desire for feeling valued and appreciated and cared for within yourself that is not currently being met to the depth and the degree that your heart is yearning for and craving for.
And so relationships that are connected are in your future. We are not telling you not to look forward to them, but we are telling you that they are not the solution. They are, in fact, the consequence and the result of the play that you are being invited into by your own heart.
Mellie: Yes, I think I had forgotten that.
Oron: It's okay. You will forget again and you will have this recording and you can write things down and you can remind yourself. Put stickers on your mirror, put messages on your phone to remind yourself your relationship with yourself is the most primary thing that exists in the entirety of the universe for you. Because it - correction. Because it is through that that you experience the connection with everything else.
It is as though you have a low battery in connection with self and you're expecting the outside world to fill it for you. But that is not possible. When you are vibrantly alive and you feel worthy and prioritized and taken care of inside of yourself. Everything that comes is a bonus. And it feels so much more delicious because it moves through the prism of your own self love and it amplifies the experience, making it ever more delicious. But the love from the outside is never the solution. It's never the thing that's going to fix what you are perceiving as a problem.
Because no one can love you enough to make you love yourself, even though that is what Hollywood and books and things guide you into thinking. Medha hated the idea of "You will complete me." Hated it. Riled against it. Still sort of does a little bit. But the truth is, the truest truth of all is that when you are full and vibrant and happy, you draw people in towards you from that place. And when you sense your own experience as being one of disconnection and aloneness, that's the energy you're putting out into the universe also. You are not in any way being punished. You are being shown what it is that requires love from you and for you so that you can amplify your abilities to experience connection, love and joy with others. And it's a beautiful thing.
Mellie: Yes, thank you. I did need to hear that again. I had certainly forgotten it. And is that then connected with the way? Because I'm not connected to myself. I wake up in the morning thinking, Why do I have to be here?
Oron: Yes. If you wake up every morning and your heart felt full of self love and adoration, if you felt connected to self and prioritized, your batteries would be full. You would feel as though the universe is carrying you and supporting you and there would be no space to wonder why you're here. Because you would be so distracted with all the fun things that you have to play with.
Mellie: Can you tell me more about purpose? Because I feel like I have no purpose here either.
Oron: The same way that you accidentally perceive that connection with others will give you the sense of joy and connection in your heart that you are looking for. You are accidentally mistaking the idea of purpose as fixing the same problem.
Oron: It is very common for humans and human minds to look for solutions outside of yourself to internal problems. And that is not in itself a problem. It is just that it is inefficient in order for you to get to the emotional feeling place that you wish to - when we'll say this a different way. We will now tell you your purpose. Your purpose on this planet in this lifetime is to deeply love yourself. Problem solved.
Mellie: You make it sound so easy.
Oron: You make it sound so difficult. Humans often do. It is not difficult. And we will tell you something else. We will tell you why it is not difficult. It is not difficult because it's the way you were wired when you came in. We say this often. Look at young children, look at dogs the way we started our conversation with. Look at animals. Look how much they just feel deserving of all of the things. They cannot fathom when you say no to them. It makes no sense. They have so much excitement and energy and fulfillment and until other things influence them in other directions, they are full of self love. That is why you see a baby and it just blows your heart open and they look like a bunch of possibilities curled into a body. They are full of such a vibrant energy that their entry into a room shifts the energy of the room.
You all came wide exactly that way, and you have worked so hard to disconnect from that experience. Reconnecting it to it can be - correction. Reconnecting to it can be much easier than what it has taken you in terms of effort to disconnect from it.
Mellie: So is there any way I can learn to reconnect easier than I've been trying?
Oron: Yes. Play with your heart more than your mind. Not in a way that dishonors your mind, but in a way that honors your heart and your mind equally. Right now, you're trying to logic your way out of this, but what you are aiming to arrive at is a feeling experience. You can't logic your way into an experience by excluding the connection with your own heart. That is actually what you are seeking for. So do not deem the mind less important, but deem the heart more so. And guide yourself with your internal experience and use your heart to support your mind and your mind to support your heart, instead of having them argue against each other, which is what has been happening and has been creating more of an experience of disconnection for you than one of connection.
Mellie: Yes, I think that fierce independence and mind over heart has been ruling me. Yes, I hadn't thought about that that way. It was good to hear it from that direction.
Oron: We remind you again. Be mindful to not attempt to demote the mind. There is a tendency that humans have when they realize they have been doing something in a way that is not ultimately most effective, that they try and over correct. And they try and minimize the thing that has been happening in order to maximize the other. But we encourage you to love your mind as much as you love your heart and to love your heart as much as you love your mind. And to let them both know that neither of them is going to surpass the other. That they are now going to be each supported by the other. They're going to learn to work together so that you no longer feel alone.
This is the basis of so much of your pain - the fight between the heart and the mind. If they are not in harmony, in unison, you will not feel connected to self, which means you will not be connected to others, which means you will not be connected to your purpose, which will you not be connected to your life. And you'll be feeling as though you're living in black and white instead of color.
Mellie: Yes, I have been. Yes. Thank you.
Oron: You can turn the color up now.
Mellie: Yeah. Thank you so much. That makes so much sense. I really appreciate that.
Oron: We are going to offer you one more thing before we finish. The practicalities of this are many and varied. There are many ways to arrive at this, but for those of you who are confused about the how and the practicalities and would like some guidance, the Return to Wholeness process leads you exactly here; defining the parts of you that have been at war and helping them to learn how to work with each other and support each other and be open to each other and love each other so that you no longer live as though you are in a house with lots of rooms that are divided by locked, bolted doors. This is about you coming back into wholeness with self. And there has been so much more rejection of aspects of self than you are currently aware of.
And so we invite you - if you take this road, if you play this game every time you find that you have been rejecting aspects of yourself, rather than coming down hard on yourself, rejoice. It takes bravery for you to see that. It takes strength for you to see that. And many of you take that moment where you could be praising yourself and loving yourself for being brave and wise enough to see something that you have not yet seen before. You take that as an opportunity to beat yourself with a stick to make sure you don't do it again.
That is not self love, and that is part of the pattern that is currently in play that is not allowing you to feel loved and supported. Celebrate the moments when you realize you could be doing things better because you have seen something that you had not seen before. And if you do it again, celebrate it again. And if you forget, celebrate when you remember. You want the best for yourself. That is your self love right there. It's already there. You don't have to create self love. You don't have to go and find it from somewhere outside of yourself, which is what you're trying to do when you look to others to give it to you. It is already there. And once it is active and alive inside of you and you are living from that place, other people will only ever be a trigger for you to allow yourself to experience more of that and more of that and more of that. But you can go direct to the source.
You do not need the others, but the others, when you are open to them and in the vibration that brings them forward to you will be delicious. It's just that they are not the solution. The solution is you. It is your self love. It is your openness to your own self and you are on the path. You had to get to a place where you couldn't stand the past enough so that you can be ready to do what it takes to create that more delightfully aligned, delicious future. Nothing has gone wrong here. You are not off path. You are just about to take a detour to somewhere a little more fun.
We love you. We love you. We love you. Go well.
Medha: They're getting pretty intense with people. I feel like they beat us with these love pillows now. And the intensity comes through is like [roar]. It's got this [roar] to it. How are you feeling?
Mellie: How am I feeling? Even though I've heard it before, it's a lot to take in and I really have to digest it and agree wholeheartedly. And then I started to cry and then I'm thinking I'm stiffly because I haven't got a tissue, so I hope that doesn't bothering you in the podcast too much.
Medha: Crying is welcome. There was barking dogs all over it. It's fine.
Mellie: I didn't think to bring a tissue, did I? I'm so sorry to the audio, but I so needed to hear that. I had been punishing myself.
Medha: We all do it until we realize it's not effective. And the reason you've been punishing yourself, like they said, is because you've been trying to get yourself to grow. The reason you're doing it is actually selflove. It's just that you're trying to get to selflove through self hatred and self recrimination. And you are so not alone. I honestly reckon 97% of people are doing their personal development work and doing it like this. And it's just like, I just really would love for that to change because it's so slow and ineffective. We just end up getting stuck and then we wonder what the fuck is wrong with us because it works for everyone else, but it's not working for us.
Mellie: Oh my God, yes. It feels like everybody else has got it and I haven't.
Medha: I'm reading a book at the moment by an author that I just love. Her name is Marianne Keys and it's talking about addiction. And someone said something like, "I realized I was comparing my insides to everyone else's outside." And I'm like, that's interesting because you never get to see anyone else's outside, especially now with the Insta world. It's like, "Oh, look my life is so awesome. Everything is so perfect."
Medha: Which is one of the reasons I really care about sharing, like, my personal Medha a human experience. Because people can easily go, "Oh, wow, she channels Oron. Everything in her life must be amazing. She must always know all the things." Like, I'm doing really fucking well through some really difficult things, but I still struggle through stuff. I still have misunderstandings that are getting cleaned up. And I listen to every single podcast episode a minimum of five times because there's so much in it that I feel like when I listen, my mind has to expand. It's like it has to expand to hold it in. And it's got levels and layers of healing in it as well. And I'm moving through all of that too.
Mellie: I was really, what's the word? Encouraged by your sharing of your health issues? Because whilst I don't have your particular issues, I've got different things. It is helping me too, because I think, "Oh, you haven't got it all either."
Medha: Yes. That's so important to me. It's so important to me that people don't accidentally think - because then if you think, if anyone thinks that I'm, like, perfect at it, then all this stuff I'm saying is not going to help you because you're not perfect, right? Like if I'm here and you're here, me going blah. Blah, blah, blah, like, so fucking what? Because a perfect person saying it, they've already got their stuff sorted. It makes the material not relatable if I pretend to be perfect.
Mellie: Yes, that's been really good.
Medha: Thank you. I'm happy to hear that. Yeah, I've had lots of people kind of contact - because like, yeah. I honestly think any person who teaches this stuff or is doing any of this kind of healing work, we're all going through our own stuff always. And oh my God, it's like a million times easier than it was to me before. I'm not going to pretend that isn't true, but it doesn't mean that I don't still have insights. And there's going to be more podcast episodes because I had a really big fucking insight last week about something that I was like, "Oh, yeah, I'm already great at this," and then I'm like, "Oh, fuck, I'm really just not yet." And that's okay.
And the thing that they were talking to you about celebrate those moments, that's all in there as well. Because one thing that makes it so much easier for me is that now when I have those moments - I'll just briefly tell you. So this whole health thing to me feels like it's really teaching me to surrender and let go to the most profound, deep level to the point that I've never seen anyone with my own eyes in their lives see before.
And I already thought I was flowing pretty fucking well. Like I thought I was flow, ease, surrender. Tick. I really honestly thought that. But I had this insight last week where I was like, "Oh my God, I'm really not." And then I was like, "Fucking go me go me. Go me for saying," that rather than what I would have done five years ago, which is like, "Oh, fuck, I thought I was really good at that. It turns out I'm really shit." Then be mean to myself to make sure I don't ever do it again, which just creates tension and pressure and an idea, again, that I have to be perfect. Like, fuck perfect.
I think that the only reason we ever try to be perfect is when we don't feel perfect. Because when you feel whole, like - I think we confuse whole with perfect. But perfect is fake bullshit over the top of that feeling of not being whole.
Mellie: I've got to write that down. Perfect just fake. BS.
Oron: Yes. But actually the truth is when you feel whole, you don't feel perfect, as in "I never fuck up," but you feel complete.
Mellie: At peace.
Medha: I feel like, yeah, that's right. And so I think that when we feel not whole, we aim for perfect. Because if we're perfect right, then none of our insecurities get triggered because we've done everything perfect.
Medha: But when we're whole - I got no dramas admitting that I fucked up because I don't then make it mean anything terrible about me. One of my best qualities is that I can go, "Oh, God, I'm so sorry. And really mean it really quickly." But before admitting stuff was giving myself ammunition to hate myself more with.
Medha: So I think that's the difference between feeling whole and feeling not whole and trying to be perfect. I don't try to be perfect now.
Mellie: That's really key because that also highlights to me I feel I also punish myself because here I am 55 and still doing this work. Like, I should have got it by now. And then I then question, "Well, have you been doing enough work?" And then it beat yourself up because you haven't been doing enough work rather than just going, "Okay, I'm just getting on the best way I know how."
Medha: Yes, that's right. And also it feels so important to me, that whole thing about when we realize we're doing something not in the best way, if you can get yourself to naturally get to a place of being happy with yourself for seeing that, like proud. Like, why the fuck isn't that our reaction? If I've been repressing something, or not wanting to see something for - I'm 44... 45? I can't remember. 45, I think. I think I'm 45. So I've been repressing something for like 40 plus years, and then I have an openness in my consciousness when I let myself see that, that is like so miraculously brave of me. That is amazing that I've expanded my consciousness to a level that I can see something in an area that I've been working on for 20 years and I can see something that I haven't seen before. Why wouldn't I high five myself?
Mellie: That's an epiphany. Thank you for sharing that.
Medha: But it's so ingrained in us to just, go, "Oh, fuck." Like we see something amazingly new for us in an area we've been excavating for like 20 years. It's like if archeologists were digging the same fucking hole for ages and then they found something new and they were fuck it and smashed it because we're doing the work right. Which means we're doing the digging. And so why are we not delighted when we find a new thing?
Mellie: Oh, yeah, I have no answer other than I need to take that on board. Yeah.
Medha: Yeah, I think it's because we've just learnt to try and beat ourselves and that whole "Winners never quit. Quitters is never win." Like, if you want something, you got to make it happen and push, push, push, push. There's so much push. But yeah, the self love thing is like the antidote to all of it. Because when you start to really build your sense of self love, those three experiences. I don't know if you listened. I had three shitty experiences in one week, and some of them I responded to really consciously and some of them not. But it's no big deal for me if I respond to something badly now compared to before. And it's the self love that I had one of the second experience that I shared in that podcast episode, I started to beat myself up. And because it's so foreign to me now compared to how I used to live, I used to be 24/7, I was beating myself up. I barely noticed. It was like the air around me. It was just a given that I was fucking hating myself. And now that I haven't been, I had that experience that I shared in that episode where I started to beat myself up because one of my dogs got hurt and I was like, "Why the fuck? Why did I go there? Why did I do that? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with my energy that I would be guided there?"
And I was hating on myself about it. And I had this moment where I just stopped and I froze, sort of, and felt inside my body the impact of what it feels like to talk to myself like that. And it was just like, why would I do this to myself? Like, why? But when you're doing it every second, there's no space to have any awareness of the impact. You don't notice that it's actually contracting. My body was like this when I was driving to the emergency vet, right? And I had this moment, I was like, and then it's like, I go, okay, all right. So this is a nice reminder that talking to myself like I'm a piece of shit isn't helpful.
Mellie: Right? Thank you. Yes.
Medha: But until we get space from it or something comes in and we get an awareness, and there's awareness space in our awareness. It's hard to see. And you know what else? I think it feels safe because it feels familiar, treating ourselves like shit. If we worry that if we stop, then we won't be motivated or driven or we won't do the work or whatever. So there's a lot tied into it. But I feel like selflove is the antidote to all of it.
But real selflove, like self love is in how you talk to yourself, how you feel about yourself, how you support yourself. Not just like, "Did I do my journaling today?" Tick. Those things that can be pretend self love. There can be actions of self love if they're coming from a self love place. But if they're coming from, "I fucking hate myself. I need to make myself better. I'm going to make sure I Journal to clear out my crap." That's not self love, then. Journaling is like, you telling yourself you're she need to be better.
Medha: I could preach about this for, like a million years. I'm very passionate about it.
I appreciate you. That's been very helpful.
I'm really glad. Thank you. And that wasn't dark at all.
Mellie: It was coming from a dark place, but I tried to get it in a way that was less dark for the rest of the people listening.
Medha: Not your job. You don't have to worry the people processing that whatever through their own filters or whatever. And you literally can't impact that. Like that's on them.
Mellie: Yeah. Okay.
Medha: So if you felt that was dark, people, sorry. That's on you. It's not Melly's responsibility. It's cool.
Mellie: Thank you so much.
Medha: My pleasure. I loved that. That was beautiful.
Mellie: I look forward to hearing it back.
Medha: Thank you so much. All the best to you. I really appreciate it.
Mellie: Bye bye. Have a great day.
Medha: You too. Bye.
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