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  • Medha Murtagh

Episode 75 – Controlling the universe

Updated: Oct 16


This episode explores the common and hugely destructive tendency that we all have to think that everytime we realise we can improve how we're doing something, we're currently 'doing it wrong'. I explore it using my own experience and humanness with a deeply vulnerable (and hopefully empowering!) share.

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Transcript

In this episode, I'm going to talk about the most common stumbling block that I see for really conscious people who are committed to their personal evolution and who understand the energetics of creation. And I'm going to use myself as an example. It's such a sneaky little bugger.


But before we talk about that, I just want to take the time to thank each and every one of you that listens to us regularly and shares the podcast with other people. We have just crossed over 10,000 downloads, and we want that number to grow and grow and grow. And now let's do it.


Welcome to A Clear Perspective, the podcast that helps you remember who you really are, what you really want, and the easiest way to get it. I'm Medha, and I'm a direct voice channel for Oron, who give us straight talking, practical guidance to help us live joyful lives of abundance, ease, and positive impact - the way we were meant to.


I'm going to go deeper today in my sharing of my revelations that I've been having around my health issues. And if you haven't listened to last week's podcast episode, I'd highly recommend that you do, because it provides a lot of the context for the stuff that I'm going to be talking about today. So if you did listen to last week's podcast episode, you've heard the channeling that Oron did for me, kind of giving me a loving caress/beating with a pillow around some of the misunderstandings that I had around what was going on for me and how I was handling it.


Now, before I get into the details of the newest, deepest realization that I've had, I want to talk about the context around it. I really, truly believe that everything can be healed. I think that the physical world is a manifestation of the energetic world, and that the energetic world is so pliable and moldable and flexible and capable of being impacted, and that it's the energetics that creates the physicality that we see.


So I really, truly, honestly believe that even though medicine might say that some things are not possible to be cured, there are examples of miraculous, unexpected transformations and healings that have happened all over the world with various diagnosis that are not meant to be healable. The other thing that I truly believe is that the outside world is a mirror of our inside world, and that in order to create and manifest things, we need to be a match to those things. And when we are, the universe who always is trying to support us and loves us, brings us those things.


So if you put those two ideas together, you can sometimes accidentally, without realizing, turn them into a stick to beat yourself with. And that's a little bit of what I was doing. In the channeling where Oron addressed the fact that I was sometimes having the feeling deep inside of myself that because my physical body is not healing, I must not be doing my healing well enough. That comes from the fact that I truly, honestly believe that everything can be healed and that if we do the energetic work, the physical world catches up and becomes a reflection of that, right? So because I believe those two things are true, they created the context for me to look at the fact that I wasn't healing, I wasn't being provided with the physical evidence that is mirroring a process of physical healing inside of myself. I used that to sometimes tell myself that I wasn't doing well enough.


Oron went to quite a bit of trouble to make it really clear to me that that is not the case. And that, in fact, what I need to be doing is less. Less doing, less pushing. And the awareness that I've had now as I've contemplated the help and the information that they gave me in that healing, is that what I've actually really been doing is believing that, yes, because everything can be healed and yes, because the energetic creates a physical and yes, because I'm not showing through my body that I am physically healing yet, there is not enough happening with me in the energetics to create that healing. So ultimately, I was giving myself a cross rather than a tick in terms of the effort because the evidence was showing to me that I hadn't done enough.


That is a really logical conclusion for me to draw, given the context that I already provided about what I believe is true. And I think so many of us do this when we genuinely believe that the energetics can change and that we have got the power to impact them and to change them. When we don't see the outcomes that we want, we can start to think that we're not doing it well enough. We might not be deserving. The universe doesn't want to give it to us. But that's never the case.


So what the fuck then, right? What I've realized is that I've still been trying to push the universe into the outcome that I want. So the outcome that I want is that I want to be healthy and vitally alive and have my vision back and feel like I can move forward into my beautiful, delicious life with energy and with strength and with the ability to move my spine with no joint pain, with good vision. That's what I want for myself. But that's also what I realize I've been demanding from the universe without really even realizing that I was demanding it from the universe.


Oron has told me a few times - quite a few times, if I'm honest - that there's still a level of rigidity and pushing in me. And I couldn't see it. I couldn't see it until the last channeling where they said to me, "Your only job, if you had a job, is to do nothing," and that I'm not doing my healing well enough. Oron have also said before that we're not meant to try and get rid of our preferences. We're not meant to minimize our desires. We're not meant to try and make our energy be contracted or be anything other than it is. So it's totally fine that my preference is for all of those things.


That's not where the problem is. The problem is - if there was such thing as a problem. I just had Oron in my head, "If there was such a thing as a problem." If there was such a thing as a problem, the problem would be that I am below the level of my conscious awareness, still pushing for that, for healthy physical matter as the only outcome, the only potential outcome.


Because remember, I believe that the energetics creates a physical right. I also believe that I'm capable of impacting the energetics. I believe that I am strong and I am powerful, and I'm all of those things. And the outside world is a mirror of my inside world. So if my experience in the outside world isn't of flowing and expanding, yes, that's because there's something in me that needs my attention. And I've been thinking that I've been coming in and giving myself that attention and doing that in a really loving, accepting way.


And I have right? Like, that's true. But the subtlety that I am now aware of, which I was not aware of at all previously, is that underneath all of that, what I'm still doing is demanding only one outcome, is demanding that my body shows physical healing in the way that I'm decreeing that it needs to.


Medha

And so I am pushing. Yes, I'm spending most of my time looking at trees and doing drawing and having amazing relaxing experiences and doing pretty much whatever the fuck I want. I'm only recording this podcast episode because I want to because I had a rush of it come up in me earlier today and I went for a walk with the dogs and it just feels like it's in me and I want to talk it through. And it helps me to talk it through with you because I hear myself and I go back and edit it and I get more and more insights as I do it. So this is like a win win.


I'm doing whatever I want. So anybody looking at me would think that I'm doing this A-plus effort of relaxation. Right? And I am. Like, that's true. However, my awareness is now clear that, yes, I'm learning to relax more. And yes, I'm learning to flow more. But also I've been pushing the universe to try and give me the outcome that I want and nothing else. That's still controlling.


When we're using our spirituality, when we're using what we understand about our energetics, when we're using our personal development stuff to try and demand an outcome, that is still a level of control, that is still a level of pushing. And so all I'm going to get is the pushback.


So I'm still working my way through this. I'm still unpacking it. I'm still clearing it up inside of myself. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I've just realized that I thought I was all super-duper uber relaxed and flowing, and that's still true. So I'm not saying that I'm not, right. But beneath that, deeper than that, there's a level in which I have been trying to control the universe still by trying to be the best, perfect version of me who's doing all the energetics really well, who's doing super good relaxation for the purposes of creating the outcome that I want.


Yes, my attempts to control the universe now are way more subtle than they used to be. I flow so much more than I did before, and I honestly reckon that I flow more than most people. But so fucking what? The reason I say that is because the amount of progress that I have made in this area is so big that it's been blocking my ability to see the places where I'm not yet in flow. And so thank you me, for being willing to see the places where not - I'm going to use the word perfect; the places where I can improve, the places where I can expand more.


There's always going to be more to expand to. There's always going to be more to expand to. But that doesn't mean I'm not doing it well enough. Oh, my God. Oron has said that so many times and I just got it more deeply just then.


There's always going to be more for me to expand on. The fact that I have just realized that even though it's much more subtle, what I'm really, honestly trying to do is control the outcome, therefore control the universe. That's brilliant. That's brilliant that I can see that. And it doesn't mean that I wasn't doing it well enough. It just means that my awareness is now able to go deeper than it was before and fucking go me.


And you know what? I'm sure that there's going to be another level to this that I'm not seeing right now. I'm probably going to have to sit in this space and play around with it and support myself really well through it. And then once my consciousness is steady in this place, I'm probably going to realize there's something else that I could do in a way that's more effective. One of the other things that Oron said in that channeling that was a podcast episode for last week was that what Medha has been trying to do all of her life is to be better.


So feel into that, right? Be better. And the irony is not lost on me that I've been trying to be better physically, be more healthy, have my health improve all of that. But really, at the core of it, be better isn't really the same as expand more, because better implies worse. There's no better without a worse without a not as good as.


So I'm still working my way through it. But what I know for sure is that when I'm doing my spirituality with any level of trying to control the universe, then there's rigidity in me, which means that contraction in me, which means I can't expand to the degree and level of flow that I want. And yay for every time I realize that I'm doing that. Because you know what? More opportunity. More opportunity for expansion every time I realize I'm doing that. So this is not me telling you that I haven't been doing this well enough. This is me telling you, "Hey, how awesome. I found something that I could do in a way that's more efficient, that's going to help me to move to more expansion, to more ease and to more flow."


Yes, I still want my body to heal. Yes, I still want to be vitally healthy and alive, going forward in a strong, vital body. That's what I want for myself. And that's fine. I don't need to minimize my desire. I don't need to try and pretend I don't want that.


But it's when I'm demanding it, when I'm pushing for it, when I'm trying to make it happen. Even just saying that tenses my shoulders. So I have my preferences, and that's fine. But you know what my other preference is? My other preference is that I really deeply in every fiber of my being become someone who flows with the universe and works with it in ways that are playful and expansive. I want to develop my skillset of not feeling like I need to control, of letting go of the illusion of control. And I want to be someone who's totally okay and really happy and in flow, no matter what the fuck happens with my body. And I really, honestly mean that. I'm not demanding that my body has to heal. I'm not demanding anything from my body. I want to learn to support it and be there for it and love it no matter what.


So this sneaky little tendency, this sneaky little pattern where we don't realize that what we're really doing with our spirituality is trying to force the universe to give us an outcome. It's so limiting, but it's not until you get the real understanding and the awareness of it that you can see how limiting it is. So if you find yourself doing this, hey, snap, me too. There's different levels and there are different layers, and we're always going to find more, and there's more letting go and more opportunity available for expansion in it.


So if you're aware that you're doing it just the same as me, fucking go you. The play now is to help those parts of us that are in that place of still feeling like they have to control so that they're okay, those parts need to be loved and healed and soothed. And in this moment I really, honestly do feel like no matter what happens with my body I'm good. I'm good. My life is good and I'm going to keep getting called forward to more fun to more joy, to more expansion and that's true of you as well.


And I'm going to tell you this: I'm feeling it in this moment but it's probable that I'm going to forget because I've got so much momentum of this old mode of controlling deep down in subtle ways without my own awareness. And that's okay. So when I notice that I'm doing it again, that's just another opportunity for me to let go a little more, to support myself a little more, and remind myself of my intention for myself without repressing anything to move towards flow to move towards allowing to move into a place where I feel like I can open up my arms and fall back into the support of the universe and that everything's going to be fine even if I can't predetermine the outcome.


If you're going through this journey, too, I'd love to hear from you. The best place to do that is to be my pen pal. I send out emails about once a week with exclusive content and sometimes with invitations for things that are playful and free. And I would love to connect with you in that way.


Any email that I send out, I love to get your replies. So if you've got anything you want to share with me, anything you want to contribute, I'd love to have you be my pen pal. Go to OronandMedha/penpal and we can become connected in that more personal way, so that this isn't just me talking at you. That's not how I feel it. But it's a dialogue.


Thank you so much for listening take super duper good care of you and your heart because you're precious thank you again for being open to this deep and profound work and if you feel like sharing it with anyone that you think would benefit, I'd be most grateful. And in the words of Oron, go well.


Let's be my email penpals

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