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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 66 – Using the crap to grow

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

I’ve always cared about authentically sharing with you what channeling Oron is like for me as a human. It’s magical and extraordinary, but it’s not insurance against bad crap happening in my world. As I navigate this scary diagnosis, I share with you my humanness and how I use what I’ve learned through Oron as I make my way through this shitty experience. And although it does suck, I’m doing a couple of super important things that are helping it suck way less - and I wanna share them with you. Ready to hear me bare my soul?

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Medha: I've always cared about authentically sharing with you what channeling Oron is like for me as a human. Yes, it's magical and extraordinary, but it's not insurance against bad crap happening in my world. As I navigate this scary health diagnosis, I share with you my humanness and how I use what I've learned through Oron to make my way through this shitty experience. And although it does suck, I'm doing a couple of super important things that are helping it to suck way less and I want to share them with you. Ready to hear me bare my soul? Well, all righty, let's do it.

Welcome to A Clear Perspective, the podcast that helps you remember who you really are, what you really want and the easiest way to get it. I'm Medha and I'm a direct voice channel for Oron, who give us straight talking, practical guidance to help us live joyful lives of abundance, ease and positive impact; the way we were meant to.

In this episode, I'm going to keep talking to you about the health issues that I'm experiencing and the process that I'm undergoing in order to get myself to a place of not pushing and not fighting against without rejecting myself.

One of the things that I see most often in my clients, friends, people, humans in general is that when we have a desire to expand and to be conscious and to evolve and to use our energy to magnetize amazing things, there can be a massive, massive tendency to do something that we don't realize that we're doing.

So, for example, I'm feeling a lot of emotions around this. Yes, Oron gave me a fabulous channeling. I think I've listened to it five times already. It was our episode for last week, and every time I listen to it, I do feel uplifted by it, and that's a really cool and powerful and wonderful thing. But the thing I'm talking about that most of us do without realizing - we do it in an attempt to expand, we do it in an attempt to move towards what we want - is to superimpose positivity over the top of our pain.

I have a lot of emotions around this diagnosis. And in particular, what's been stuck in my mind is the idea that was planted into my mind by the specialist who gave me the diagnosis and also by the research - the small amount of research that I allowed myself to do in terms of Googling - that said that this condition is something that gets progressively worse. So that sentence has been going kind of around in my mind and it's created a lot of emotions.

So yes, I'm doing the work and yes, I've got Oron's support. But also I still feel the human emotions of "fuck this" and, "this isn't fair." And Matt, who is my partner, does not treat his body at all like a temple, is always ridiculously healthy, whereas I take so much care with my body and I still have all these health issues. So there's a lot of, like, murky emotions that are arising around this for me. And that's not a linear thing. It's not like I just feel them once and then they're done, and then I can have all the positive, expansive thoughts about, "Oh, yes, this is an opportunity for growth and expansion."

It's not linear. It's almost like there's a layer cake of feelings and emotions. And sometimes the most productive thing for me to do is to think expansive thoughts and to build my awesome. Sometimes the most productive thing for me to do is to really just be with my feelings and help them - the parts of me that are holding those feelings - to feel understood, to feel seen to feel heard.

I had a conversation with somebody today and - I adore Matt. He adores me. We're really great together, but we actually work internally in quite different ways. So his response to this diagnosis is like, "Yes, we know what to do now and you'll be able to get support that's specific to the thing that you're going through. This diagnosis is fantastic. We now have direction. Yay for that."

And so when I was expressing to him that I was feeling scared about this whole "progressively worse" thing, rather than listening to me and hearing me in a way that I needed in the moment, his idea of supporting me - because this is probably what would work for him - was to tell me, "No, no, no. We've got this naturopath and you're doing this and you're doing that and it's all going to be fine." So he was lovingly attempting to support me, which is great.

But what I felt was that I wasn't understood, that I wasn't heard. I felt like I was being argued with in terms of my emotions. And the reason that this is important is because this is what we do inside of ourselves often - so, so, so often - when we're on the quest for expansion and conscious creation and conscious living.

So when I have that fear coming up for me, when that consciousness takes me to the place inside of myself, that place inside of myself brings its head up and rears its head up and says, "Hey, I'm a bit worried and anxious about this," it's really super duper tempting - particularly if you've been doing personal development and spirituality for a while - to go, "No, no. Because we have the naturopath and miracles are possible, and we're going to work on gut health, and that's going to fix the immunity, and it's totally fine."

But what that does is it makes the part of you that has fear and concern feel like they're not heard, feel like they're being argued with. And there's no way that any part of me, including me myself in totality - if I feel like I'm not hurt and I'm being argued with, I am not at all open to any possibility of expansion that's being offered to me by the person that feels like they're arguing with me and not hearing me and not understanding me.

So if you have the idea that thinking positive thoughts and practicing gratitude are really vitally important, yay. Awesome. I salute that. However, it's only really going to be wildly productive for you if you do the other step first, which is when your negative feelings or your challenging feelings come up, that's a part of you that's asking for help. It's a part of you that wants to be understood. It's a part of you that needs something. These parts of us only come up when they have something that they want from us. Otherwise, they would remain hidden. They wouldn't come up into our consciousness.

Our consciousness is this amazing spotlight that shines on whatever is next for us. So building the awesome, doing the affirmations and visualizations and thinking positive thoughts when you're already feeling good is a fabulous way to lift your vibration. It's extraordinary. Play with it. Do it. Awesome.

But the moment that something comes up to your attention that feels low or feels heavy or like has a low vibration - like whether it's fear or jealousy or resentment or whatever it is that's coming up - the moment that happens, if you try and superimpose positive thoughts over the top of that, if you try to argue that perspective away with facts and logic, then that part of you is feeling unheard. They're feeling not understood. And all that does is split your energy.

And the other thing that it does is you're giving yourself the message - because you're saying this to this part of you and this part of you is part of the whole -"You don't count. I'm not interested in what you have to say. I don't want to listen to you. You're not important. I don't love you. I love the other part that are thinking more expansive thoughts. I'm more open to them. If you can be more like them, then I will listen to you." And then we wonder why we don't feel loved.

So my challenge and your challenge, should you choose to accept it, my challenge as I navigate - not just this health thing, but also life in general - is to yes, not push against. That's the ultimate goal of what Oron is trying to kind of guide us towards and encourage us towards. Yes, not fight against. But to ultimately arrive at the goal of not fighting against, we have to start with not fighting against ourselves. We have to be open to ourselves. We have to support ourselves. We have to nourish ourselves. We have to understand the parts of us deeply. Because the thing is, we think we understand them. We have a superficial, mental based understanding of what these parts of us are thinking. Yeah, they're feeling scared. Yeah, but they shouldn't feel scared because. Yeah, they're feeling jealous. But jealousy is a low vibration emotion, and we don't want to be that person. So let's not think that because.

But arguing with the parts is shutting them down. It's disconnecting. It's telling them no. And there is no way that any part of you is going to hear that message and then be open to the expansion that's available because the expansion is only available when all of you is on board. The expansion is available on the other side of the shitty emotion that's coming up to get your attention.

So, yes, the ultimate goal that you have of thinking positive thoughts, experiencing gratitude, focusing on the positive. Awesome, brilliant. Good. But if in any moment you become aware of a part of you that is feeling the opposite, please don't argue with it. As best you can, turn to it as though it was a friend who was in pain.

We tell ourselves to get on with it and it's fine, and we shouldn't....Blah, blah, blah, blah. It's how we interact with ourselves all the time. Most of us. And that is not self love. It's literally the opposite. When we're telling ourselves that we don't count by telling parts of us that they don't count or they don't matter. There's no way to walk that path and end up at wholeness or harmony or peace or self love. You can't beat yourself into expansion and you can't reject yourself into self love. And the more you build that sense of self love inside of yourself, the more you radiate that out into the world and the more that comes back to you in the form of a mirror.

It is surprising to me still how much I can uncover when I sit with those parts of me that are experiencing pain or fear or jealousy or any kind of contracted emotion or energy. When they come up and get my attention and I am genuinely there for them, and I'm open to hearing them, I am so often surprised by what I find is at the core of what I thought I already understood. This isn't a mental process. This is an emotionally connected process. And it's a Return to Wholeness process. It's what I've been using to really transform my interactions with myself and my world in the most profound way. And it's what I'm using to navigate the challenge of this situation for me with this diagnosis and these physical health symptoms.

And yes, I'm learning so much. But there are still moments where I want to stick both of my fingers up and go leave me the fuck alone. I've already got a medical condition. Why do I need another one? And that's okay. It's okay that I feel that way. I don't have to have an exalted vision always. I don't have to be perfect. In fact, those things get in the way of me connecting to my inner perfection. It's already there. I don't have to manufacture it. I don't have to be any different than I am.

And there's a difference between indulging negative emotion and supporting yourself through it. The aim of the Return to Wholeness Process is to help you to really be there for yourself, understand yourself, create a scaffolding of support for yourself and encourage yourself to feel valued, prioritized heard, nourished, encouraged, supported because you can't cut out the bad emotions. You can't cut out the parts of you that hold those emotions that you consider bad and expand or move towards wholeness.

And it's okay that it's not linear. It's okay that it goes up and down. It's okay that sometimes I still get furious. It hasn't been long since I've gotten this diagnosis, and I'm still working through it. And that is okay. That is normal. So I wanted to share that with you.

So I'm still working through all of this, and that's okay. And I'm using the Return to Wholeness Process to do it and that is awesome. If you want to learn more about the process and how to work with yourself, I really invite you, I highly invite you to download the free mini course that I've created around this. It's got a lot of supporting material without being overwhelming. And you can find that at our website,

That's there and available for you. And I'd love for you to share it with anyone that you think may benefit. Because I truly feel that as we start to harmonize inside of ourselves, to connect inside of ourselves, to support ourselves, to help us to feel important and valued and loved, we're going to stop seeking it outside in the same way that we have before. We're going to be a match to an amazing world. And I hope that we can create it. As we cut through the division in ourselves, there will be less of that in the external world. And, Lord, that's going to be awesome.

Next week, we'll go back to our normal programming. But if I have any more that I feel I need to share with you around this experience, I'll do that too. Thanks for listening. And in the words of Oron, go well.

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