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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 64 – Freeing myself: anxiety and early family conditioning

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

In this episode Oron chat with Tina about minimising the discomfort of anxiety. They chat about the influence of our early family programming and how to deal with it. Tina also asked how important it is to eat organic food. If you listen to the outtakes section you’ll hear me mention to Tina that although Oron didn’t say it, they gave me a sense that moving her body in a fluid, unstructured way would help her achieve her aim. And it was only when I watched the video back that I saw that my body was moving in an unusual way when Oron as coming through. If you wanna see it for yourself, find the episode on our Oron and Medha Youtube Channel. The link will be in the show notes.

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Minimising the discomfort of my anxiety [00:01:04]

Early family issues [00:08:34]

How important is it to eat organic? [00:11:03]

Confirming next steps [00:13:46]


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Oron: We are here. And before we invite you to ask your first question, we want to mirror something back to you, something that you are somewhat aware of and not completely yet aware of.

There are many levels and layers to the beingness of you, to the who you are of you. You are moving through a process of reclaiming your personal power for yourself. And we want to say to you that there are ways that sometimes you feel a little like a mouse, but you are as much a lioness as you are a mouse. And the mouse has got abilities and skill that the lioness does not have and vice versa.

Every part of you is valuable. Every part of you is important, but you have it all within you. So do not accidentally feel like you must move from weak to strong, because that is not what's true. What you are in the process of doing is reclaiming all of the aspects of you and all of the gifts that all of those aspects hold. Do you have any questions?

Tina: Wow. Thank you for that. Wow. Thank you. That's very insightful. And it makes me feel that I'm on the right path with what I'm learning and doing.

Specifically, my questions to you today are surrounding anxiety. I have been struggling quite a bit these last few months with physical anxiety, and I'm not sure how to best address the challenge of it. I'm working with medical doctors for medications, but I find that I think about it all the time, and I feel that because my thoughts are always on how I'm physically feeling with regard to the anxiety, that I'm manifesting it more. And I just am looking for ways to ease that discomfort within myself. Any guidance you could offer or provide would be greatly appreciated.

Oron: We are happy to talk to you about this. And we wish to reinforce the feeling and the sense that addressing this from a lot of different angles is going to provide you the most support. It is almost as though you are building for yourself a scaffolding of support and you are putting one leg together. You are in the process of gathering the other legs. And so we would invite you to create a multifaceted self support system for yourself when it comes to this, because you won't be surprised to know that a lot of the anxiety that you feel comes from a deeper feeling of lack of safety.

There is a process of reconnection to the body also that we would invite you to do that allows you to really deeply connect to the physiology of you, not just the energetic and not just via means of meditation. There is a reinhabiting of the body that is somewhat moving forward and somewhat moving back from you. There is a process that you are undergoing currently where you are attempting to reconnect with the physicality of you, but the physicality of you - partly due to this anxiety - feels uncomfortable. And so there is a tendency to attempt to eject out of it.

On an energy plane, what that does for you is it moves your energy upwards into your head and then fuels the overthinking that you're experiencing yourself having. And so we would not encourage you at all to push yourself to things that feel unsafe. But what we would encourage you to do instead is to support yourself in the process of reconnecting to your body in the way that feels best. It may be that to begin with, connecting into the space where the anxiety feels to live physically for you - so the heart, the abdominal area, the torso area - might be a little bit too much to ask of yourself.

And so encourage yourself to feel the feelings of your feet, to feel the feelings of your legs, and so that you reconnect to the body in ways that feel safe first, so that you start to create more familiarity and therefore more of a feeling of safety in the being connected with yourself.

We would also encourage you to consider the fact that you wish to not be in discomfort and honor that in yourself. Of course, you would rather be in comfort than discomfort. However, there is a moving through the discomfort that is going to allow you to emerge at comfort in the future.

Do not push yourself. Do not demand of yourself things that you are not yet ready to do, but instead support yourself. Support yourself and love yourself the way you would a child, the way you would a friend who is needing to face something that they found scary. Support yourself in a way that does not demand things from you that you are not yet ready to provide for yourself. And instead, support yourself, support yourself, support yourself. The scaffolding of support that we mentioned, part of the support system is a connection to the self in the form of the body. Part of the support system is a connection to the self in the realm of the consciousness. Part of it is connecting to the self in the realm of the emotions and always supporting yourself.

And when you're finding yourself in a place where you are getting irritated with the anxiety and feel like you've had enough and you wish it to go away, find the part of you that you wish the same for. There is a part of you that you wish would go away. There is a part of you that you wish would be different, that you wish would be better. And that is an experience that you are having in communion with the experience that you are having in the anxiety that you are feeling in your body.

You, Dear One, are desperate for support. You are looking for a feeling of the infrastructure of support. And we do encourage you looking outward. But more than that, we encourage you looking inward. The best steps moving forward is to find external support that allows you to build the internal support that you are looking for within yourself. So that, for example, if you break a leg, you walk on crutches for a while. So you may find a practitioner or a friend or someone who is able to provide a space of support for you until your self support becomes strong enough that you can stand on that leg without needing the crutch any longer.

When we guide you to your inner knowing, when we guide you to your inner resources, when we guide you to your inner space of healing, that is not to say that external factors that can facilitate that are bad. But we will always encourage you to use the tools and the external support as a means to reconnect to the internal because you are deeply, deeply powerful and that is us coming back full circle. The process that you are undergoing is of actually reclaiming your power. And in order to do that, you are stepping through all of the fears. You are stepping through all of the paradigms. You are stepping through all of the energetic alignments and misalignments that have led you to feeling disempowered.

You are not in the wrong place, you are not doing the wrong thing. It is just that there is more supporting of self that could allow you to relax through the process that feels uncomfortable so that you can be supported in the moving through it. And you can stand in comfort. When you do that, you will look back and you will see this as one of the most grand opportunities for growth and expansion that you have ever had.

And we will remind you that you have been getting ready for this for decades. You have strength, you have resources. The anxiety, although it is uncomfortable, is not wrong. It is not wrong because it is guiding you to address things in the physicality, in the energetics, in the emotions of you that you need to look at and play with and expand so that you can move forward to all the things that you want. It is showing you. It is calling you. It is there to support you. And in doing so, it is teaching you to support yourself. That is the tool, the skill set, the energetics that you want moving forward. And it is shining a spotlight on the places where the infrastructure of support is not yet strong. That is a good thing. That is a good thing.

Tina: That's very, very spot on. I have been feeling lately that I need to be more connected with my body. Over my lifetime, I have rejected it for various reasons. Having grown up with a very materialistic family and looks mattered, so I am trying to learn to love my physical-ness, my physicality. But yes, that is an area where I struggle. And yes, I need to see this as the opportunity to build that self support.

Oron: We love that that is where your consciousness has gone in response to what we have said because think about what that is. That is you rebelling at an early age against something that did not feel right to you. The process of you disconnecting with your body was a process of standing up for your own values. It is just that you did not understand it as that.

And so as you get your clarity and your maturity and your discernment, you can reclaim your connection with your body that actually had nothing to do with the things you were rebelling against. You are coming home to yourself and you are cleaning up the things that have led you in the directions that are away from connection to self. This is just one part of it.

Tina: Yes. Very interesting. Yes. I did rebel and use my body as that negative force in my life.

Oron: Your body is miraculous. Your body is amazing. Your body continues to do millions of processes to keep you well and functioning despite the fact that you have deemed it, in some cases, bad. It is an amazing form of self support that is already available to you. And so as you do this process of reconnecting with your body, you will reconnect to the gifts of your body. Your body hold wisdom. Your body hold support. Your body holds so much magic and it is part of the scaffolding of support. That is why you sensed already that reconnecting to your body was a part of this process. You are reclaiming the power of your body. And it's a beautiful thing.

Tina: As far as reclaiming the power of my body, how does that - I know that I should try to nourish my body in better ways with food and cleaner water and nutrients and that type of thing. How critical is that? As far as like eating organic and obviously more fruits and vegetables and all of that. I guess the reason I ask how critical that is is just because of the added expense of eating healthier and nurturing my body more nutritiously.

Oron: We will tell you this. You reconnecting with your body in a way that is energetic and emotionally accepting of it is going to be infinitely more healing for you than you making sure that you eat organic strawberries. The organic ideal is wonderful and we are supportive of it, but do not feel that there are external things outside of your control that will limit your ability to reclaim the power of your body. Because the power of your body comes from the reconnection that you will have with your body.

This is not an external control thing. This is an internal control thing. And when we mean the power of your body, we're not even necessarily speaking about the physicality of the power of it, but the inner power of self. When you are in harmony and communion with the vessel that holds you, that is a part of you that is divinely created from Mother Earth herself, you will feel completely differently to what you feel now. And from that place, a place where you love your body and you love yourself and you are wanting to support yourself in the best way possible, eating things that align with that will become natural. You are attempting to arrive at the destination by beginning in a different place. The place is seeing where you are. The plate - correction. The way forward is to see where you are and to move through the inner resistance. The external will fall into place once you have moved through the inner resistance.

There are ways that you are still not in harmony with your body. There are ways that you are still rejecting your body inside of you. And so it is not possible for you then, to in full alignment, move to full external support of your body when you are not yet in a place of full internal support of your body,. The route to that connection is coming from inside of you. The external will take care of itself.

Tina: Okay, that makes perfect sense. Thank you. So I was part of Mehda's group with the Return to Wholeness process and it seems to me that that's where I need to refocus my attention to continue working on building my internal support. Can you confirm that?

Oron: We would invite you to close your eyes and connect inwardly. Because in asking us to confirm it, you are feeling as though you are not able to access your own wisdom. And we, Dear One, are simply mirrors to your own wisdom. The reason that you feel things when you hear us speak and you feel the energy of us moving through you is because it is resonating with your own inner knowing. And so we invite you to close your eyes and feel internally. Does that feel like an optimal move for you?

Tina: Yes, it does.

Oron: You have all the answers. You have all the answers. You have, all the answers. And if you ever cannot access them, it is because a part of you is feeling unsafe to share with you what the deep gold of the answers is. And that is okay. We remind you that every human on your planet has this journey of reclaiming the connection to all of the aspects of you. You are conscious, you are aware, you are making the endeavors and that is a wonderful beautiful thing. Honor yourself for that and focus on the growth that you have already had and the expansion that you have already created and the positive impact that you already have in the world.

If you could focus on that just a little bit more than you focus on the things that you have not yet achieved, you would feel completely differently and it would help you to connect into the immeasurable value and worth of who it is that you are. There is nothing wrong here. There is nothing in you that is broken and nothing in you that needs fixing. It is just that it could be more flowy. It is just that it could be more fun. And you learning to support yourself, which is what your anxiety is currently calling you towards, when all of the aspects of you are in a place of feeling supported by you and you do that one at a time, one at a time, one at a time. You take one step forward. You take another step forward. You take another step forward. And over time, you look back and see the distance that you have traversed.

So stop and look back and see the distance that you have traversed so that you can honor yourself and your willingness to move forward even when you are scared. Learn to support the part of you that is scared, and that part will start to run with you. That is what you want. You want a return to wholeness. Everything that you seek in the external is to make you have that feeling of connection. And so connect first inwardly, and then your interactions with the outside world will be had through the filter of interconnection, and everything will feel so much more delicious as you intended.

We love you. We love you. We love you. Go well.

Medha: That felt a lot longer than normal. Was it long?

Tina: I thought, yeah, that they spoke more than I did versus some of the other podcasts. Yeah.

Medha: Yeah, I was just sitting there going, "Are they done? Nope." How are you feeling?

Tina: This is exactly what I needed to hear. It's kind of how I've been feeling, but haven't really acknowledged it.

Medha: Can you see that my glasses have steamed up? It happens sometimes now. After Oron, I put glasses on and they're all like steamy. It's really odd. There's no reason for that.

Tina: Right. Are you feeling warm or no?

Medha: No.

Tina: Just the glasses.

Medha: Yeah, they just steam up sometimes. Sorry, go on. I interrupted you. I wanted you to say it before it went away.

Tina: Yeah. No. Everything that they shared with me is what I've been feeling, but haven't been able to put my finger on it and haven't been able to pinpoint it. Yeah. It's just about supporting myself, acknowledging how far I've come and building that internal safety net, that safety inside of me, so that I can move forward with less fear.

Medha: Awesome. Sometimes when they're talking, it's like I can feel that they might go this way with something or they might go that way. And so I felt something that they didn't say. I kind of saw you, like dancing and moving, like having your body be really fluid as part of that process of reconnection with the body. But not - like it wasn't yoga. It wasn't like structured positions. It was just, like, really fluid kind of moving of the body as part of that, like reinhabiting and reconnecting.

This has come up in sessions before. It's coming through now. So it was something around, like, just checking in with you - Oh, I did it yesterday. Just checking in with your body and going, "Well, body, do you want this? Body do you want me to do that?"

Yesterday I was getting coffee, and I was like, "Oh, maybe I want to caramel slice." And I said to my body - I really like them. But often when I have them like, it's too much sugar. My body doesn't like it, even though my taste buds really like it. And so I remember last time I had one with a coffee, it was delicious at the time. But then afterwards, my body felt a bit, like, blah. So I was like - I don't really restrict the things I eat usually. And so I thought, "Oh, I really want a caramel slice." And I went, "Does my body want a caramel slice?" And I go, "No." I'm like, "Okay." And so then it was really easy to not have it.

So that reminds me of what they were saying now, for you about, like, you'll be inspired to organic, you'll be inspired to what's right when you're in a place of taking care of yourself naturally. That will just be natural, I guess.

Tina: Good. Yeah. Because I feel like I'm always like, well, I could have made a better selection. I should have made a better selection. So that's, like, just beating myself up every time.

Medha: Yes. Which is so funny, because that's literally the opposite of what's going to get you a wholeness, right? So what you're doing is beating yourself up, it's to make sure that you do the best thing for yourself in the future. Like you're doing it for a good outcome, right? Like you're not doing it to beat yourself up for no reason. But actually, what you're doing is telling yourself you're not good enough. That's dumb. That was silly. It's like this contractive energy, and we think it's going to get us to an expansive outcome sometime in the future. And you just can't.

Tina: It doesn't. Yeah. Yeah.

Medha: It's literally not possible. That was awesome. Thank you so much. I'm just going to stop the recordings now.

Tina: Okay.

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