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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 55 – The exploration

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

In this episode, we dive deep into exploring what the universe and life really are, how they work, what it means to be a conscious creator, and how to do that in a way that doesn't try and dominate either ourselves or our worlds.

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Medha: In this episode, we dive deep into exploring what the universe and life really are, how they work, what it means to be a conscious creator and how to do that in a way that doesn't try and dominate either ourselves or our worlds. Let's do it.

Welcome back to another episode on what I am playfully calling my crisis of faith. There's been two episodes prior to this one. If you haven't heard them, I'd highly recommend it because it is an ongoing unfolding. So these episodes are going to be released once a week now that I've decided that I'm going to be sharing the evolution of the process that I'm undergoing with you.

As I make my way through the kind of ungrounded, unsettled feeling I've had as I've questioned the assumptions and the beliefs and the ideas and the structures that I've held to be true for years now, it's been a really destabilizing process. One thing that a friend praised me for - and I actually can see what she's saying and appreciate deeply in myself - is that I haven't been trying to fast forward to an outcome or a solution or a resolution. I've been letting myself sit with the uncomfortable feeling of almost like the rug's being ripped out from under me as I reexamine my beliefs and reclaim the ones that still continue to feel true when I assess them in a fresh way.

And that hasn't been true of all of the previous beliefs that I've had in the past. And so I've been letting myself feel the feelings of it, and I've been supporting myself in it. But I haven't been trying to fix this. I haven't been trying to reclaim the ground that I stand on in a steady way. And instead, I've been allowing it to kind of unfold. Which I'm really proud of, because that's something I used to historically really struggle with. I used to try and control my environment by controlling myself and try and fix all the things that I saw as problems. So I'm happy to realize that that's not how I've been handling this really big thing for me.

In that allowing and that flow, I was guided to a book that has been really helpful in creating a level of clarity around what's going on for me. That book is by Neale Donald Walsch. And you may have heard of him. He's the author of the Conversations With God series that I initially read years and years and years and years ago.

The book is called The Essential Path, and I've been listening to kind of all of it today actually. I think I've only got... I've got 27 minutes left of listening to it. The book is gold. It's genius, and it reminds me of a lot of thoughts and feelings and ideas that I've had that have been kind of floating around the edge of my consciousness. It allowed them to become much more kind of concrete and real and gave me a lot of insight and information about what I'm going through at the moment.

One of the things that Neale says in the book is that it's really valuable and incredibly important for us to question our basic assumptions. He says that we do that in lots of areas of life. So for example, in science, there is a questioning of initial assumptions that allow us to see things we may not have seen before with expanded ideas and consciousness so that we can course correct to more expansion and more improvement. But that we tend to not look so deeply at the beliefs that we hold when it comes to spirituality and how the universe works. They feel kind of primal to us, like they create the basis from which we know ourselves in the world, and it's difficult for us to question them.

And so it was a really good context for remembering that the fact that I am questioning my deepest belief, like about Oron, about how empowered we really are, about how much we are the conscious creators of our world. That's a valuable thing. It's a valuable that I'm reexamining how true this feels for me, given where I am now in my life. That was really reassuring. And it was also really really reassuring to remember that Oron brought these concepts up themselves.

If you go back to some episodes before we had the break, there was a lot of mention about beginner's mind and the idea that we have ideas. We hold ideas that we already know what that is or how to do that or what's effective or what's efficient or what's right or what's wrong, that we then don't question. And as we grow and we evolve, it's really helpful to come to everything with fresh mind, with beginner's mind, so that we can see things much more clearly and be more subtle in our choices.

So Neale Donald Walsch's book helped me to relax more into the process that's happening. And I love that I can see in hindsight that Oron was kind of pointing me in this direction anyway, there's another two things that have been pointing me in the direction of again, what I playfully call my crisis of faith. So one thing that I've been contemplating recently is the fact that not just Oron, but like spiritual scriptures and traditions and Yogi texts and lots of spiritual books and things that I've read for a really long time now have said that we are all connected, that we are all one, that we are the divine and that we are not separate from it.

But I realise not that long ago that I believe that I accept that, but that my relationship with that idea is more of a theory, more of a mental relationship, more of a mental acceptance rather than a feeling that that is where I live from. I don't live from a place of feeling every moment or even much throughout the day that I am the entirety of the universe.

I live usually as though I'm a discrete being who goes about her business and makes her decisions and has her impact. And the universe is reflective of me. I understand, and I accept that the universe externally reflects my internal world to me because the universe and I are one. I accept that as an idea, but my feeling is not really of that. And that was mentioned also in a podcast episode.

I think Oron mentioned that I had a conversation with a friend and had realised that I'm not really living in that place. The book Neale Donald Walsch's book, and I want to spoil the ending of it, but I highly recommend that you do read it, but ultimately he's talking about the fact that the pain and the anguish and the distress that we see in humanity at present is a result of the fact that we don't live from the consciousness of wear on. We live from the consciousness of me and them separateness and that we need to make sure that we survive.

And if we have to hurt someone to make that happen, and that's what we're willing to do because our survival is important. He unpacks that idea in a really cogerant way.

And again, I do recommend that I listen or read the book. It's fantastic, and ultimately that if we were living from a place of understanding that yes, we are individual expressions of divinity, but at the core we are divinity itself, and we are there for one, with everything around us, including all the people around us, our decisions would be different. The way we interact with ourselves would be different. The way we interact with the world would be different. Who we are would be different and much more aligned to all the potential and possibility that Oron always talk to us about our biggest, deepest, and most self loving selves, but with loving of self, not just being limited to the cells that lives inside of our skin, but others around us.

Can you imagine what our world would be like if we live from that place? And although I personally have accepted that as an idea for a really long time, I'm also conscious of the fact that I am not living from that place in a deep way yet. And so I think that this and I think I want to keep using the words crisis of faith, so I think this exploration that I'm on is about getting a level of clarity about the experience of this, about accepting this in an embodied way, like feeling it inside of myself so much more than I ever have before.

And as I get a taste of the potential of that, I start to realise at the level of empowerment that I saw as possible before is so minuscule in comparison to what is actually possible for all of us. So sometimes I've thought that in Oron speaking in generalities, they were speaking in hyperbole like things that were technically and theoretically available, but not really because we would all have to be such expanded geniuses, such highly spiritually evolved beings that it wasn't really that possible for us.

But I realise now that it is possible for us, but there is a lot of shifting that's required before we're really able to live from that place. So I said there were two other things pointing me in the direction of this. What I'm now going to call exploration. The other thing is the return to wholeness process. Over the last I think six months I've become really clear that the work that I've been doing with myself and with clients for over ten years now is not just some intuitively guided, spontaneously decided, unpredictable thing, but it is a repeatable process.

It is a process that has structure that has innate, not rules, but forms of creating a level of self love and acceptance that is unparallel compared to anything that I've personally experienced in the past. I am not going to say this is the one solution. I'm not going to claim to absolve the problems of all of humanity, but I am going to say that the return to wholeness process has helped me to radically transform my life in a way that structured and in a way that's easy and flowy and comes from a place of accepting myself and encouraging myself rather than coming down on myself and recriminating on myself and not being good enough, which is what most of my personal growth was like before they return to wholeness process, which is now starting to feel more like.

The reason I'm on the planet is literally the process of coming into one self and finding all of the ways that we've rejected ourselves, all the ways that we've said no to ourselves, cut off from ourselves, divided ourselves from ourselves, and Firstly creating a space of safety for all of the parts of us that we have rejected most of us, most of us treat ourselves like shit inside of us. We have this idea that if we have fear, for example, if we could just cut out the part of us that is fearful, if we could just get rid of the fear, then we would be confident or we would be brave.

We constantly think that if we get rid of bits of us, if we cut away parts of us, we will be our best selves. But there is no way to cut a part of yourself off and be more. There is no way to reject a part of you and be whole. It's not possible. And so with this exploration and with Neale's book, what I'm discovering more and more is that the returning to wholeness process is about returning to oneness within ourselves, and it is once we are able to do that more and more within ourselves that we will be able to do that with the world around us, because the world around us is a mirror, it's a mirror to our internal world.

The more I do the return to wholeness process with myself, but also with other people. The more I see that the parts of us that we reject, say the parts that are, for example, fearful or in doubt or feel resentment or feel jealous. I have any emotion that we believe bad or any of the what we call limiting belief, the parts of us that we wish to disconnect from. They hold the key to everything that we want. They are always, always, always.

I have not found a single instance that this is not the case. They are always acting from love. They may have misunderstandings about how to create the ultimate outcome for us, considering our energetics and those ways of achieving those outcomes might not be what most of us would wish for, but it is not until we turn towards those parts of us and play dialogue with them and be one with them and accept them and hear them that we are able to heal them and integrate them and incorporate them into the wholeness of us.

So all of us move forward to the things that we want. There is no way to get rid of the part of you that is fearful and move forward to what you want, because when you are rejecting the part of you that is fearful, what you are doing is rejecting yourself.

What you are doing is moving forward with misaligned energy, which means your results can't be awesome. The parts of us are always looking out for us. They are always acting from love and they always hold gold, and they always hold gifts. For example, if you reject the alive that holds anger, if you tell yourself I shouldn't be angry. That's not the highly evolved spiritual perspective or the more conscious perspective.

If you disconnect from your anger, then you will disconnect from any gifts that the party view that is holding. That anger has. It might be power. It might be descernment. It might be boundaries.

It might be whatever, but the gold is always in the parts that we are trying to reject, and you can never reject these parts enough that they will stop trying to take care of you. The only way to have them work in ways that work for you is to turn to them, to accept them, to love them, to hear them. And that is what real self love is. So many of us think that self love is taking a list of to do items like having a bath or having a massage.

But selflove is how you talk to yourself.

Self love is how you accept yourself. Selflove is how you encourage yourself, and there is no way to beat yourself into expansion. And so the return to wholeness process could also have been termed the return to oneness process. And this, this is what this whole exploration has been about. For me.

There is another thing in the essential pass that was really helpful for me to hear, and it was the context around how long humans have been on the planet to paraphrase. There is a book that's quoted I'm not sure what the book is. I can find that out and put it in the show notes, but Neil quotes a book and read a paragraph from it saying something like if the time the Earth has been around was measured in a calendar, the amount of time that humans have been alive is 1 minute of the last day of the calendar year, so we have barely been around it all.

We can have these ideas that were so highly evolved, but actually we're in our very infancy when it comes to being humans. Sometimes I can really feel what's possible, and it becomes difficult for me to not fight against the way it is, and that's what I've been doing.

I've been finding against and pushing against and resisting the fact that there's pain, the fact that there's poverty, the fact that there's inequality, the fact that children and animals experience pain. But the reality that I'm saying much more clearly now is that the more that we do the inner work of bringing ourselves to wholeness, the more we stop rejecting aspects of ourselves coming down hard on aspects of ourselves, valuing some aspects of ourselves more than others prioritising some of them more and others telling parts of ourselves that they're terrible and they suck and you wish they'd go away whether you're doing that consciously or subconsciously, by just pretending that you don't feel the way you really feel, we're not really going to be able to have the oneness in the external world that we wish for.

Equality of love, exceptions, support, encouragement, nurturing of all of the aspects of us is moving toward oneness. And as we do that as individuals, as we choose to focus our energy in that direction, it will become much easier to live from that place and have that be manifest on our planet. But we cannot expect the external world to change before we do the work in the internal world.

That's where our power is not to dominate ourselves, not to bully ourselves, but to love ourselves, to support ourselves, to bring ourselves to wholeness. And as we are able to do that for ourselves more and more, we'll be able to do it for those around us, for situations around us. More and more. I'd love to have a conversation with you around this. You can find me on the socials and let me know how you feel and what you think around this will put all of the links in the show notes.

What's your experience of this? How do you feel about it? What concerns do you have? Does it resonate? And I'm going to keep sharing live movement through this exploration and any healings or support that I get from Oron, I'll share with you also, we all deserve relaxing to our self love.

We all deserve everything, not more than anyone, because the others are us. I'm really looking forward to having that be more of my lived experience now. I hope you are too. All my love to you. Thank you.

If you'd like a chance to have a personal chat with Oron, you've got two options. If you want to be a guest on the podcast, join our private Facebook community where I'm regularly looking for volunteers. Go to community. If you'd prefer to chat with Oron in private, you can now book one on one sessions with them.

Go to We'd like to thank everyone who's subscribed, rated and shared the podcast. And if you haven't already, we'd love your support. Thanks for listening. And in the words of Oron, go well.

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