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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 49 – Personal responsibility, blame and shame

Updated: Feb 28, 2023


In this episode, Oron chat with Raquel about the importance of adopting a beginner’s mind. They discuss the relationship between energy, the body and healing, and conclude with an exploration of personal responsibility, blame and shame.


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Beginner's mind [00:00:11]

Energy, healing and the body [00:03:16]

How necessarily is it to be fully accountable without blame [00:06:32]

 

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Transcript

Oron: We are here and ready. And before we invite you to ask us a question to begin our play, we will begin here. There is an interesting thing that happens with humans. When you acquire knowledge, it often becomes really easy for you to not reassess the things that you think that you already know. And there are practical reasons for that. And it is entirely understandable and it serves your brain the way that it is designed to work.



However, for those of you that wish to have a conscious engagement with yourself in your lives, those of you that we should be present in every moment, it is beneficial to bring the attitude of the beginner to having a look and a feel into the processes and the energetics of the things that you already feel like you know and understand. Medha took a little bit longer to connect in with us than normal, and she is finding that this is happening regularly. And the reason for it is because there is a change in the processes and things that she has to do inside of herself in order to calibrate, in order to allow us to come through.



When she first had her mind-based understanding of what channeling was, she thought that once she knew the skill, it would always be the same every time and she needed to do the same thing inside of herself in order to allow the energy to continue to come through. But that assumes that she's the same in every moment, that the energetics are the same in every moment. And it doesn't factor into the calculation the fact that you and the universe and every single one of you is always expanding.



And so there is a way in which you often look at yourselves or your experiences and see them as the same. But the truth is that you are recreating yourself afresh in every moment. And the afresh is varied for each of you, because some of you create afresh with actual freshness and some of you create with a more, we will say, stale energy in order to continue the analogy. It is connecting into what has been before and that can have the impact of limiting what you can create for yourself going forward.



So we remind you, Medha and anyone who is listening, that you are all master craftsmen and women when it comes to the energy. Master craft people. In order to create, you have got innate wisdom inside of you always. And it is when you assume that it is the same thing that is required from you in each moment that you assume that you are the same in each moment. And that underlying assumption can limit your connection to the reality of yourself. And the reality of yourself is that you are always expanding, you are always growing, you're always expanding.



And so as you relax into rediscovering for yourself, re-exploring for yourself -not just the things that you know, but the paradigms that you inhabit and the ways that you have of interacting with yourself and your world - you open up doorways to possibilities that are definitely there for you, but that you cannot see when you are living with the old energy being projected forward into your future rather than a recreation of something fresh in every moment, which is the reality of what is happening.



Do you have a question?


Raquel: I do. And I think of it as a beginner's mind question, so perhaps that might appeal. I wanted to know what is the connection between the body and energy and how that relates to healing?


Oron: You are aware of the difference between a body that is holding life and the energetics of life and a body that is not holding life or the energetics of life. The energetics of everything enlivens everything to the point that it creates the physical universe that you see around you. Do you understand that everything is energy but the physical too is energy and this is being shown more and more to you by the science as it becomes more understood by your explorations of it.



And so when it comes to healing, that word is used a lot. The reality of it is a returning to the natural flow. When it comes to healing, what you are attempting to do is to return the physical to the natural flow. It is returning the mental to the natural flow. It is returning the emotional to the natural flow, because naturally you are all wired to flow. Sometimes there are processes that happen that create a level of stagnation in the energetics, which then lead to difficulties in the physical realm.



And so it is not to say that the energetic is more powerful than the physical or the physical is more powerful than the energetic. Medha, in fact, has been playing with this herself as she has been working with her physical issues, but also as she has been still processing the death of her beloved puppies. The energetic is not more powerful than the physical, and the physical is not more powerful than the energetic because, in fact, they are two sides of the same coin. The physical could not exist without the energetic. And even when you look at a body that is not enlivened, there is life and energy within the corpse that you are looking at. And so everything that is physical is created by and enlivened by energy. And there is a mutual relationship that the more flow that is allowed to have, the more vitality and health and more natural playful expansion that is allowed to you, the more things are, energetics are restricted, then the less that healthful feeling will be available to you.



But we remind you that at the core, you are always whole. You are always whole, you are always whole and there is more to you than what you experience in your body. Sometimes you can think that the you that lives inside of your body is the totality of who you are. But that is just a small aspect of you. We say to you regularly, you are the universe. You are the universe. You are the universe. That is not a metaphor. That is not symbolic. That is actual practical fact. And there is more to you than what you can feel inside of you. And many of you have had the experience of being able to sense things that are outside the boundary of your own skin. That is because you exist both inside of yourself and in the realm of the universe also. Does that answer your question?


Raquel: It does. It's making me think about how experiencing oneself beyond, you know, beyond the... Beyond even what we know or like how far we can experience ourselves.



Um, but I do have another question that's on a slightly different topic, but maybe not so. Um, and that is about accountability. Maybe, like, self responsibility, those sorts of things. And I wanted to ask about how necessary is it to be able to be fully self accountable, fully able to own your own experience without blaming others? And does that... I think that there are always some stages to that, and I think what happens for people, when where we're kind of still exploring, we're still in partly blame or partly victimhood or partly not fully accountable. What's all of that energy around, kind or, our process? How does... How is that helpful and how does it maybe hinder us into the full realization of of, you know, completing that process and understanding who we are?


Oron: It is important for you to become completely self responsible only to the degree that you wish to feel empowered in your life. To the degree that you feel empowered in your life, you will be taking responsibility for the creation of it. If you do not take responsibility for the creation of it, nothing is wrong but your experience will not be one of being empowered. And there is nothing wrong with blame. It is just that it is not as empowered or as enjoyable as feeling freely accountable for self.



And so as people come into connection with themselves, with a level of self acceptance and flow that is developed by, for example, the Return to Wholeness process that Medha is now teaching, you will come to know inside of yourself that nothing that you feel is wrong, nothing that you do is wrong. You are not wrong. You are not bad. Nothing is broken. Nothing needs to be fixed. And in the turning towards the parts of you that are holding those feelings, those emotions that your more expanded version, not your soul, but your mind's idea of the most expanded version would deem bad.



As you start to turn towards those parts of yourself with more and more acceptance, it will be much easier to move through the flow of moving from disempowerment to blame and then from blame to accountability. There is a process. You are totally and completely correct. And it is when you attempt to skip steps, when you try and attempt from going from disempowered to totally empowered in one fell swoop, that you miss some of the steps. The feelings that you feel are there for a reason and they are there to be felt.



And so if you want to be accountable, you will be becoming empowered. If you want to become empowered, you need to become accountable. But if you attempt to become accountable in a way that rejects the parts of you that do not yet wish to be accountable because accountable still feels like blame, you will be losing out on the process that will actually take you to authentic and genuine accountability and empowerment. There is a need to be really deeply honest with yourself if you wish to be accountable. And there are many ways that many of you - Medha included sometimes still, even now - you are rejecting aspects of you. And as you do that, you disconnect from your self. You tell yourself in those aspects forms. You tell yourself that you are not good enough. And that is never true. That is never true. That is never true.



And so knowing where you are, have discernment. Understand that in this moment you might feel blame and acknowledge to yourself that blame is not your ultimate outcome. That's not where you wish to end up. But that does not mean that you don't walk through the blame in order to become the you that honestly, genuinely, honestly does not feel those feelings. The way to the empowered you is always through all the things that your mind can tell you about. And as you expand your ideas of yourself and your ideas of the spiritual person, you may again wish to bring the idea of the beginner's mind to this process also.



Do not expect yourself to be further ahead than you are. Know that you are everything in the depth of you, but where you are on the superficial aspects of you, when you are trapped in the thoughts that are not allowing you to feel empowered, what you need from yourself there is love. What you need from yourself, there is expansion. What you need from yourself there is nurturing. What you need from yourself there is acceptance. And when you give yourself anything other than that, you are pushing the lofty goal of the spiritual you further and further away. Because it is through those experiences of adoring yourself, supporting yourself, loving yourself - even when what you are feeling makes you wonder if you're a good person.



You are all good people. Everything about you at the core of you is divine. And if you ever act in ways that don't match your values, it is because something has gone awry, something is amiss, and that something is trying to get your attention. Not because it is bad, not so that you will come down hard on yourself, not so that you will disconnect from it, but to let you know that it is there and to invite you to love it into wholeness. Because as you move more and more into that space of wholeness, you move more and more into that space of empowerment. And as you move into that space of empowerment, you move into self responsibility.



The reason many of you are not you yet ready to embrace self responsibility is because you have not made friends with shame. You have not made friends with blame. And when we say make friends, we do not mean that they will become your lived experience forevermore, but you will become aware of the fact that they bring something to your attention always. They come to you with a gift always. It is always beneficial to turn towards the thing, the part, the aspect that is requiring the attention which it is there to get from you. It is showing itself to you for a reason. And so self rejection will never lead you to wholeness. Self rejection will never lead you to expansion.



And so as you begin the process of making friends with the emotions that you deem bad, that you deem negative, that you deem challenging, that you feel difficult - correction, that you feel are difficult, as you learn to embrace them with a genuine open heart, you will be embracing the aspects of you that are feeling them, and you will be being completely accountable to yourself in your support of self as you move through those emotions. Because it is through that - correction, because it is through those emotions that you will find everything that you are looking for. The reason you are looking for is because deep down you know it's already there. Deep down, you know it's what is true. And as you melt through the levels and the layers that you have deemed bad, you will start to live from that place in a much more regular place, in a much more regular way, in a much more habitual way. Because it is actually who you are. We love you. We love you. We love you. Go well.


Medha: Oh, my spine's never done these roll - you can only see my head. You can't - my spine's doing this, like, wave thing. It's never done that before.


Raquel: Well, you went off on a rant, that's for sure.


Medha: Yeah. Oh, my God. It's happening more and more. People barely get to speak.


Raquel: I mean, I didn't know it was going to be like a like like a favorite topic of Oron. But I'm like, okay, there's a lot there.


Medha: So funny. How did you go? Have you got any questions about anything? Anything you want to share? Look, I'm steaming. Why are my glasses steaming? There's no logical reason. My cup of tea is quite cold.


Raquel: Right. Yeah. No, there was definitely some some big stuff happening there, that's for sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like that perspective. I was thinking about my process many years ago and how it was for me and, you know, I really wanted to be able to embrace what I called, you know, radical accountability and radical self responsibility. And I thought I was capable of it, but I wasn't. I mean, I was capable of it up to a point and that was okay, you know, to know that that was... To actually think that I, whatever I was doing, was it.



But, you know, I still even tap into that now. It's like when I'm going through something, I still want to be able to have my own experience of feeling like it's not my fault. That I didn't create it. I don't want any part of it.


Medha: It's such a funny tangle that whole - it's like I could really feel it when they were talking about. It's like we think responsibility and blame are the same thing, but they're wildly different. It's really like it takes work to untangle that.


Raquel: Yes. That was a nice, nice distinction, actually.


Medha: Yeah. Like shame and blame I think they said, didn't they? Shame and blame are different. They're completely different to responsibility, but when they're tied together. It's like we can't why would we want to take responsibility if we have to be to blame and be shamed for being right?


Raquel: And it also reminded me that what was being talked is it reminded me a lot about forgiveness, the same sort of principles of like you can only you shouldn't force forgiveness and that it takes there's a process to forgiveness that you some people might never even get to. Right. And that's fine. And other people may get to but they still have to go through the process. And if you try and force that, it's totally inauthentic.


Yes. That's such a big, important thing and it's so easy to miss. Like I said, I still kind of catch myself like because I understand the bigger picture and I understand that they're not really to blame and they're acting from their wounds and blah, blah, blah. But that doesn't mean that I feel hurt and that doesn't mean that I'm not angry. And so walking through that bit to really, honestly get to what like I know any myself, I've done it so many times, like going through that, being really angry at them or whatever, and working with the system perspective is really helpful to adding to the idea of forgiveness.


And that is, is that while you're still in fight, flight or freeze, you can't access the higher energy of forgiveness. Forgiveness is is is within that vagal social connexion tone where you actually actually are able to exchange hot, hot stuff. Right. You're not protecting yourself yet. So whilst you're still fearful, angry, self protective, all those things that that precede forgiveness and come along with being seriously hurt, you needing to protect yourself, you can't actually reach forgiveness.


It's not that simple physiology.


Medha: Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Perfect, perfect sense.


Raquel: I know it's just a nice little model to add into the forgiveness thing. It's like you just can't do it when you're still hurting and need to protect yourself.


Medha: Oh, absolutely. And it's actually sometimes when they're coming through, I can feel that that might go one way, but they go another. So they almost talked about, um, I remember hearing Abraham. He's saying something like blaming someone else feels better than blaming yourself. Yes. And that's like moving up the scale. Yeah. So they didn't talk about it, but it's like I felt like I thought about this since there was that that was all part of the fullness of the conversation, even though it wasn't said.


Medha: That's cool. And the other thing about that I think was, you know, it's like a process. It's like, yeah, they're steps in the process. And you can't just skip steps like you can't you just can't forgive them or you can. But then you're not doing the full thing.


Raquel: No, no.


You don't get to that place of actually being able to claim yourself and claim your own heart and all that sort of stuff like that. That's actually like a really big part of it is being able to go, yeah, I got myself. And I can claim this as a wholeness. Right. It's a wholeness again.


Medha: Yeah.


And really, like I think that's one of the biggest things I've learnt as well. It's like because I know I want to have forgiveness and I know I want to like, accept them how they are and I want to accept the situation, how I am. Right. But like turning to my feelings is the only way to get there, trying to leap over, trying to pretend because I understand that I should feel that I am sticking that over the top of my actual pain is not like that means I can never really get that.


I can never genuinely feel it so that we're talking about the authentic like we put that point to not being authentic.


Raquel: I mean, the feelings, whatever, however we're built, I feel like the feelings is the actual architecture or structure with which we kind of have to be able to know ourselves and and help ourselves and support ourselves into something else. The feelings are a much more than just messages or signs or whatever. They are actually like the building blocks of the theme. So if we don't if we if we don't find ways of being with or experimenting with those feelings, then that's like baking a cake without an egg and you have to do a lot of mucking around to make that work.


Medha: Funny in my head, I like it's like baking bread with no flour.


Raquel: Yes, I.


Medha: Thank you. That was awesome. I totally loved it. I'm just.



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