Episode 43 – Transforming my deepest wounds
Updated: Feb 28
In this episode Oron chat with Damendica, who asks one my favourite personal development questions, ‘what do I need to know’. Oron also discuss why we experience low vibration emotions and how we can find and heal our deepest wounds.
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Is there anything I need to know? [00:00:15]
Why do I have low vibrational emotions? [00:01:00]
Can you help me find my deep wound? [00:04:16]
How do you heal deep wounds? [00:07:09]
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Oron: We are here and ready. Let's play.
Damendica: I first want to just thank you and appreciate you for being here with me right now. The first question that I have is pretty simple. I would like to just know what is it that I should know? Anything important?
Oron: That you are already perfect, whole and complete, and you are not here to prove anything to anyone, including yourself, including the universe. You are here for joy, you are here for your own upliftment. And that will, incidentally, result in the upliftment of others. But you have no serious, heavy responsibility that you must undertake in order for your life to be successful. You are successful already because you exist and you are loved and you are love.
Damendica: Okay. Thank you so much. I think you mentioned about being heavy. So I need guidance to the root reason I've been dealing with low vibrational emotions such as jealousy, anger, sadness. There's this heaviness to me that's been around for years and there seems to be a big wound that needs to be healed. And I'm having difficulty with healing that wound. And I believe it's self-worth, but I'm not sure. Can you try to help me with that challenge I'm facing?
Oron: The reason you are having difficulty finding what you call your big wound is because the process that you are currently undergoing is rooted more in the idea that you need to fix yourself than in the idea that you need to accept yourself and love yourself and move forward from there. And so when you look at your emotions and perceive them as negative, like jealousy and anger, this is a deeply understandable perspective because deep down, you know that you're meant to feel good. You know that you are here for joy. Your wisdom guides you towards that. And so then it becomes simple and easy to look at the equation: I should feel good. I don't feel good right now. Feeling not good is bad. But actually the reality is that the answers that you seek are through the emotions that you are trying to fix but are accidentally rejecting. And so we would encourage you to first move towards a place of acceptance of the emotions that are there. Because we remind you of this: you never feel anything for no reason. If something is in your consciousness, if something is in your energy field, if something is in your emotional experience, it is always there for a reason. And you are right to think that there is something for you to get from that experience to realize and in order to shift into a more effective mode of interaction with yourself in the world. But do not feel that there is one big thing that you must uncover that will then heal you and you will become perfect and whole. We come back to what we started with. You are already all the things that you wish to become. They already live within you. And that is the reason that you feel called towards them, pulled towards them. But it is not that you need to manufacture them or become them. It is a process of allowing yourself to relax into them. The attitude of fixing yourself and seeing yourself or aspects of yourself as problems is the opposite energy to the energy of allowing. And as you allow yourself to be, and as you allow your emotions - particularly the ones you perceive as negative - to be, and as you become curious and open and nurturing of the part of you that is experiencing those emotions, you then become aligned to the energy of allowing and relaxation. And the way through to the depths of you is through allowing and relaxation and acceptance of self. Acceptance of self is the doorway that leads you to all the things that you wish. But the doorway to that doorway is the challenging emotions that you initially aim to reject. They are not the problem. They are the solution.
Damendica: Okay. I'm taking it all in. I think it just gets hard for me at times when co-workers or you have therapists that are telling you you shouldn't feel depressed and "Why aren't you happy?" and then it triggers me and then the anger comes and then I just feel bad.
Oron: There is a pattern there that is the superimposing of the ideas of others onto your own discernment rather than uncovering from within you what your own discernment is guiding you towards. And it is interesting because there is some truth in what those people are saying to you. At the core, you are meant to be joyful and all of that is true. But that is why we discussed it is why it becomes so easy to see the negative emotions as a problem. We are not advocating that you go into your bed and stay in a state of depression for the remainder of your days here. But what we do know is that rejecting yourself cannot lead to wholeness and thinking and feeling that parts of you, aspects of you are wrong and a problem and must be fixed does not lead to self-love. It is a heavy energy feel into what it feels like right now to tell yourself that you're not good enough. Feel into what it feels like to tell yourself, "You should be doing better." Feel into what it feels like to tell yourself there is something wrong with you. You are not acceptable. Your feelings are wrong. And feel the heaviness and the contraction of that energy. And compare that to if I'm feeling something, it's for a reason. I'm a human being with a range of human emotions, and I'm going to support myself through this challenging one right now. I do understand and I do accept that deep down I am joyous, I'm not experiencing that right now. I wonder what might be standing in the way of that. I feel curious. I would like to get to know myself better and uncover what is happening for me right now so that I can support myself with love through that. And think about the times when you are with friends who are experiencing negative emotions and what you do for them is counsel, hold support, love and encourage and use that to remind yourself that you already have this skill set. It is just that you do not turn it to yourself with the frequency that you require in order to really be there for yourself. This is the lesson. You walk towards lightness when you walk towards self-love. You walk towards heaviness and contraction when you walk towards self rejection. You get to choose.
Damendica: All right. Just taking it all in again. So what are some ways to heal the wounds besides just fully accept them? Do you have to transmute that energy around the wound?
Oron: The rest of the process kind of takes care of itself. This is one of the things that Medha has found in her personal growth and personal evolution. We have spoken of it before and we will speak of it again and again and again, because you all need reminding, as does Medha, in order to allow yourself to relax. Because relaxation in the act of personal development, to most of you, feels kind of wrong, feels kind of like you're not doing enough, feels kind of lazy. And so we will share with you that Medha also has been deeply, deeply, deeply surprised by the efficiency of her personal growth efforts now that she shrouds them and supports them with a foundation of self acceptance and self-love. She worked hard at spirituality for decades from a place of "I must do better. This isn't good enough." The feeling that you want to be your best self is a divine inspiration. But when you turn that into rejecting yourself as you are, you contract your energy. And you do not contract your divinity, but you contract your ability to experience yourself as divine. And so Medha has said this before as an analogy that is powerful and we will share it with you now. She feels like when she moved towards self acceptance first and growth second, the growth happens so quickly and so easily and so painlessly for her in comparison to what it used to be like before. She now feels like she has roller skates on and is wearing a rocket. She is moving through all of the alleged wounds and alleged blocks with so much more ease now. Because when you are supporting yourself in the healing of your wounds, your wounds will show themselves to you. But when you are pretending that you are attempting to self accept, when what you're really doing is trying to sneakily quickly move towards resolution of said wounds, you're wounds to do not feel safe. The parts of you that feel wounded do not want to share themselves with you because they are used to being reprimanded and rejected even more. And so they protect you below the level of your conscious awareness. And that, Dear One, is what you call self sabotage. Self sabotage does not exist. What exists is parts of you that feel that you are unsafe attempting to protect you. And so when you're in a place of open communication with those aspects of yourself and support of those aspects of yourself, you can re-conceptualize what safety is and isn't, what threat is and isn't and find a way to meet the needs of those parts of you so that they can become elevated. Currently, you wish to cut them out of yourself, to remove them, to let go of them, to release them. And that is a contractive energy. Whereas when you aim to free them because you have self compassion and you know that they are you and you want them to be powerful and free and integrated into the wholeness that you are, they will put their hands up and they will shine the spotlight on themselves. But when it's recrimination and you are not wrong, you are wrong and you are not acceptable energy that you bring to those parts of you, they will keep hiding in a corner. They do not want to expose themselves to more pain by showing themselves to you when what you wish is to not see them, you want them gone. And so this is a process of coming back into wholeness, through self-love and through self acceptance. And we will say this: we will keep speaking to you about self-love for as long as you're willing to listen, possibly longer. Because we are deeply committed to humanity standing and living in that place and interacting from that space. In any way that we can support, we will be here to do that. But currently, most of you hear self-love and think it's too simple, think that it cannot be the solution. And more than that, you think that you're already doing it without seeing that deep down, your self-love is actually coming from a place of self-rejection. So self-love is the answer, but it's not something that you say, "Self-love. I had a massage today. Tick." It needs to be actually being there for yourself as your own best supporter and deep, deep nurturing of self, moment to moment, moment to moment. And when you get it wrong - because you will - you are habituated to the opposite. You be there with yourself and you take ownership of that and you apologize to the parts of yourself that you have rejected accidentally based on habit, the same way you would clean up an interaction with someone in your external world. If you have integrity in your inner world, you won't any longer need to demand perfection from yourself. You demand perfection when you feel imperfect. And as you move towards self-acceptance and self-love, the feeling that you are okay, just as you are, will start to permeate your being and therefore permanent - correction. And therefore permeate your life experience. The place that you make decisions from will be a place of fullness rather than a place of trying to whip yourself into being your best self. And that, Dear One, is the solution. Self-love is deeply simple, but it is not as ineffective as most of you think it is. It is the solution. Self-acceptance, self-love, relaxation and allowing. If you combine that with all of the efforts that you are already making to be your best self, you too will feel like you are wearing roller skates and you have a rocket that is pushing forward with little perceived effort by you. Because you being there for yourself is the rocket that propels you forward. You loving yourself is the rocket that propels you forward. And there is no problem with where you are currently. We will say this again and again and again. You will always want to expand. You will always want to become more. But that does not mean that where you are is not enough. You cannot be not enough. You are the entirety of the universe. And as you move towards the self-acceptance and the self-love that will encourage you forward rather than self-rejection that attempts to beat you forward into expansion. Feel the incongruence of that; beating yourself into expansion, rejecting yourself into expansion, cutting out parts of you in order to expand is deeply ineffective and also painful. There's no need for any of it. And it's okay that it will take some time to move from that model to the self-love model. That's okay. We will support you and you can support yourself. And there is other supports available for you in the universe, both physically and energetically. But there is no need for self-rejection. Not only is there no need, self-rejection is ineffective when you think about your aim of expansion. We return to where we started. You are already all the things that you wish to be. That is why they call you. As you relax into yourself, as you accept yourself, as you move deeper into a connected experience with all of the aspects of yourself, you will return to wholeness. And that is what you seek. You feel divided now, so you look externally to fill the hole. The hole cannot be filled externally. It is filled by you connecting with you, loving you, and then, Dear One, the impact that you have on others. The impact on others cannot be your primary aim. The primary aim being the self-love for yourself, the support for yourself. But the incidental - the what happens afterwards because of the self-love that you live with, the impact that you have on others in the world around you is much, much, much bigger than what you perceive when you are trying to push yourself to be better, to have a positive impact in the world. Joy, play, relaxation, allowing, loving of the self. That is going to get you where you want to go. It is not too simple. It is perfect and it is balanced. And at the core of you, that is who you are. We love you. We love you. We love you. Go well.
Medha: You barely got to speak.
Damendica: I know.
Medha: They were running and running. I'll just stop the recording.
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