Boundaries, empowerment and expansion
In this episode, Oron chat with Ruth about the difficulty that sensitive people often have with boundaries. Oron talk about anxiety and disconnection and they also address another question often asked by caring, sensitive people. How can I be happy when there's so much suffering in the world? Here’s Oron and Ruth
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I have trouble with boundaries [00:00:15]
Is anxiety the result of disconnection with self? [00:02:21]
How can I be happy when there's so much suffering in the world? [00:09:11]
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Oron: We are here and ready. Let's play.
Ruth: I was thinking about setting boundaries because I tend to lose myself in connection to myself when I'm with other people and I get overwhelmed by them and I get sick then. And I wonder if there's something I could understand better about it.
Oron: The reason that many of you sensitive ones have issues with boundaries is because you crave a level of connection and your upbringing, society, the world has trained you in the looking for connection in the external. And although there is nothing wrong with looking for the connection in the external, if there is not a foundation of deep and abiding connection with the self first, what you are actually attempting to do is to fill a hole or meet a need that will only really, truly be met from within. And so if you find yourself in that situation, rather than necessarily jumping straight to the process of attempting to correct the way you do your boundaries with others, we would encourage you to focus more on developing that connection with the self. And given the sensitivity, it will be easier to do that when you are with yourself and then gradually incorporate the inward eye into your own experience as you are just having coffee with a friend. Do not expect yourself to develop the skill set in the most challenging environment when you haven't taken the time to slowly build that skill set. It is just like all other skill sets. The connection to self in the face of other is a challenge sometimes, but you can develop it slowly with self encouragement, with self-love and with acknowledgement of the importance of the connection to self. That is how you can slowly, gradually improve that skill set in a way that isn't pressuring you. Because when you put pressure on yourself to be where you are not yet at, it stifles and contracts your energy.
Ruth: Yeah, yeah. And anxiety - is anxiety, something that comes from this lack of self connection?
Oron: Give us a moment. Anxiety is something that has featured in many of our recent conversations, and that is a good thing because the reality is that many of you live with a level of anxiety that has become somewhat normal to you. And yet many of you think that you experience it and others do not. And so we are taking this moment to let you know that it is incredibly common on your planet and it is something that you will gradually move away from and evolve away from because it is not something that is necessary to you, but it's something that is habitual to you. And there are many reasons why you experience anxiety. And you are correct in saying that one of them is a lack of connection with self. That connection with self is everything. It is the foundation from which you interact with everything that is outside of you. Everything that you interact with outside of you is processed by you, inside of you, and it is processed through a filter. And so if you think about that, if you think about the fact that everything is processed within you, when that connection is clear, we will comment on the difficulty that you Medha had to connect electronically here via the devices that you are using before this process began. There was a process of approximately 20 minutes where you were not able to establish a clean connection and you were therefore not able to get the result that you were both after. And it is the same with your interactions with the outer world. If your connection with the self is not strong and solid and clean, then it is almost like you have no real footing to stand on when you attempt to connect and interact and process your exchange with the outside world. That connection with self is everything. And when we say connection, we don't just mean being there with because you can be there with yourself in a mode of self rejection or in a mode of self acceptance and self support. And so if you choose connection with self, presence with self acceptance of self, love and support of self, the connection problems or the connection issues that you've experienced externally that show up for you as boundary issues will naturally melt away.
Ruth: That means to be at ease with what I am or how I am? No matter how I in touch with myself, you mean?
Oron: Yes, yes. Because we remind you of this: you already whole. Deep in the core of you, there is nothing about you that is not good. You are good to your very core. And if you have ever behaved in ways that appear other than that, it is for a reason. It is because you've had a wound or a pain or a belief or something that has happened. But ultimately, deep down at the core of you, every single part of you is acceptable. And sometimes the wounding in parts of you needs to be addressed, looked at, healed, integrated. But none of you is bad. None of you is bad. None of you is bad. There is a difference between having discernment with self and having judgement of self. Discernment is allowing yourself to see when you acted in ways that were not optimal and could be improved next time. Judgement tells you that you are not good enough and you need to do better and feel the difference in the energetics of those two stances. Judgement of self, when you are coming down on yourself with recrimination, that is doing two things. It is contracting your energy and is creating a level of stress. None of that leads you to what you want, and yet you come down hard on yourself because you are attempting to motivate yourself to do better next time. But if you were to come to yourself with an inquisitive attitude and discover why it was that you acted in a way that was not optimal, you will find a part of you that needs attention. Because if there is no part of you that needs attention, there is no way that you will act in ways that do not match your values. And so any time that you behave in those ways, if instead of coming down on yourself, you get curious and self supportive and encourage yourself to discuss with yourself, to open up to yourself, to show yourself what was really going on for you in those moments, your personal development work will skyrocket. You work a lot better with love than you do with judgement and self-hatred.
Ruth: Yeah. Sounds like one needs a lot of - me, I need a little room for myself. Yeah. Time.
Oron: You are everything. You are everything. You are what the very fiber of the universe that is made up of is. That is what and who you are. You can never be not enough because you are the all. And so, yes, you need space to allow yourself to experience that. You do not need to manufacture anything. You do not have to create the best version of you. You need to allow it to step forward because it is already there. It is always already there.
Ruth: Yeah. Sounds like trust to me.
Oron: It is trust, yes, but it is relaxation, openness and allowing that opens the door to the trust. It is difficult right now to trust yourself, because if you look internally, what you will find is there are many parts of you that you have rejected and treated quite badly if you're honest. And so when that is the case, imagine an external situation when someone is sometimes loving you and sometimes rejecting you. There is a difficulty in establishing a level of continued trust in that environment. And so when we say that allowing and acceptance is the doorway to trust, we mean that creating that level of safety within yourself is the foundation for creating trust in self, which then allows you to build your trust in your intuitive knowing. And that is what you are looking for. You want to feel guided by yourself, inside yourself, by the universe as a part of you rather than something separate telling you what to do, and so the trust does develop, but it does develop first - correction. The trust does develop, but it needs a foundation of openness and allowing of the self to be exactly as you are. And if you could sprinkle some appreciation and love there, that would help too.
Ruth: Yeah. Yeah. But there's so much suffering going on that I'm sometimes not sure if I can allow myself to be happy. That's some kind of belief holding me back.
Oron: Do you think... Do you think that you help the people who are suffering by increasing your own suffering?
Ruth: No. I know it's not rational. It's not. It doesn't make sense, it's just... Yeah.
Oron: We know that it is difficult when you are sensitive and you look around and see pain and suffering in others. We know that that is difficult. But there is discord going on inside of you because what you actually wish is equality in happiness and not equality in suffering. And so, as you start to clean that up, as you start to hope for the best for others, but deeply hope for the best for yourself, as you start to see the worth in you, and you start to build that feeling of being your own best supporter and allowing yourself to move forward from a place of fullness, you will actually have more resources available for the facilitation of the upliftment of others. But it is a process of starting to build those resources inside of yourself so that you feel the difference in you that will allow you to step more fully into that space.
Ruth: And this is something done again and again and again, I guess. Not...
Oron: Yes, it will happen again and again and again because there is a building of the skill set that needs to happen for you. And so you will do it for a while and then you will forget and then you will remember and then you will forget. It is the same with all of the process of the self expansion. Give yourself some space and some allowing and some understanding because you need to realize that you have been moving in a particular way for a very long time. There is a lot of momentum in the old way and the old mode of interacting with yourself. And so what you are doing is attempting to build momentum in the opposite direction so you will sometimes forget and you will sometimes get caught up in the momentum of the old. But that, dear one, is just an opportunity to bring more love and more acceptance to yourself. And that will add to the momentum of the new.
Ruth: Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah.
Oron: We remind you of this: what you want is an uplifted world. What you want is a happy world. And so as you uplift yourself and as you allow yourself to experience more happiness, you are experiencing - correction. So as you allow yourself to experience more happiness and as you allow yourself to uplift yourself, you will be adding more of that to the world.
Oron: And something else. When it comes back to boundaries where we started, when it comes to the feelings of others and the suffering of others, of course you feel compassion. Of course you want them to be uplifted. But also deep down, you know that it is not your responsibility to save anybody. It is not your responsibility to take away anybody's situation. It is not your responsibility to hold the pain for their pain. That is not your job. However, when you are fully resourced and you are inspired to a place of helping or moving or acting in a particular way, the ability that you will have from that energized place and that inspired place to have an impact is so much more than when you are limiting your resources and telling yourself that you must. When you feel like you must fix someone else's situation, what you are really doing is seeing yourself as empowered them as disempowered, and that does not help them. Give them back responsibility for themselves, but then work in inspired, energized ways to create the equality that you wish to see on your planet. But the equality is not created by you minimizing your ability to access resources - whether they be financial or emotional or energetic. That is not the equality that you seek. You don't want equality with everybody at the bottom. You want it with everybody at the top. So create more of what you want; create more joy, create more flow, create more love, create more allowing, create more opportunity. And you change the world by changing yourself first. The world is a mirror. The world is a mirror. The world is a mirror. The world is a mirror of what is going on inside of you. And so as you uplift yourself, as you uplift yourself, you contribute to the transformation that you wish to see in the world. That is what you wish. You wish to be an uplifter, a source of inspiration. And you do that for yourself first and then you are in energetic integrity and you will naturally be seen as an uplifter and a source of joy and light for others, for those who are ready and willing to change their worlds in an uplifted way. Because the other thing about this is - the other thing about that is this: creating dramatic change and transformation requires the person to be ready and willing to do that, and many people are and resources are provided, but not everyone is. And that is okay. That is okay. What you wish for someone may not be what they wish for themselves. You are only the arbiter of what is best for you and not what is best for anybody else. So love them, wish the best for them, think about them being powerful rather than disempowered and uplift yourself so that you also feel powerful rather than disempowered. Uplift yourself, move forward into the world from there and sprinkle the joy, the magic that you will be able to create from that place around for anyone who is willing to see it. And follow you along the path of personal upliftment and the subsequent upliftment of the world around you. We love you, love you, we love you. Go well.
Ruth: Thank you.
Medha: How are you going? How is that?
Medha: Oh, that's nice. It's funny, I... I struggled to connect at the start. I've got a headache here in my head and I was like, "Oh, this is interesting. I haven't really channeled with a headache before. So I think that's why they had to have that pause. Like, it's like the connection was there, but it wasn't complete. And and so anyway, I'll stop the recording.
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