Episode 34 – Why can't I surrender? Surrender, allowing and purpose
Updated: Feb 28
In this episode, Oron chat with Nik about the spiritual ideal of surrender and why it doesn't work for most people. Oron do a deep dive into living our life purpose, and offer the key piece that most of us are missing when we struggle to move from controlling to allowing.
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Does soul expansion require pain? [00:00:18]
I struggle with surrendering [00:07:24]
Following soul purpose [00:12:02]
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Oron: We are here and looking forward to this exchange. Let's begin.
Nik: Aloha, Oron. So I've been diving into some material about consciousness that is new to me and I have some questions around that. One of which was the idea that the soul creates more suffering by its constant want to journey in life and learn things. I wonder if you could speak more about that.
Oron: We do not like to decree things as absolutely correct or absolutely incorrect, because a lot of the information that comes through, particularly around the realm of consciousness, is the interpretation of energetics. And so we would counsel you to take the information that you receive when it comes to such things through the filter of your own knowing and your own discernment, and not just play with it in terms of contemplating with your mind. You are a truth barometer. And deep down within you, you are able to decipher the truth or the untruth of a statement. We would posit a different interpretation of the energetics of the universe and offer this instead: the soul you are depending on your definition of that word. For us, we mean the pure connected divinity of you, the aspect of you that is bigger than the small you that you see yourself as when you see yourself as only physical. You are not only physical, you are not only spiritual, but your soul does not seek pain. You are here to experience expansion. There are ways in which expansion can sometimes generate a level of friction because you are always moving towards something that is more than it has been before in order to expand into more than what has been before. So there is a level at which that friction can be perceived and experienced as pain. But as humanity's consciousness evolves, as your vibration increases, as your capacity to channel your intention, your consciousness, your attention and your ability to work with the energetics of things, you will find - and you have experienced this yourself already - that it is entirely possible to grow, to evolve and to expand without the level of intense friction that is perceived by you as pain.
Nik: Yeah, that makes sense. I guess I've been frustrated lately that I feel like I'm on a constant search and a constant journey that will never end. And... and that butts up against my belief that we are limitless beings that can, I don't know, that have all the answers here so why am I still searching? I'm confused.
Oron: The feeling that the search will never end is true because of this: there is a part of you that knows that if you continue to seek externally, you will never be satisfied, because as you said yourself, the truth of it lies within you. And so as you come across information and books and talks and things that you can ponder with your mind, you can sometimes be thinking that what you are doing is diving inward when what you are actually doing is diving outward. And so we invite you again to take all of the concepts - particularly around the realm of consciousness and spirituality - take all of the concepts that you come across inwardly and explore and play with that. And so there are two ways to look at the fact that you will continue to evolve and expand. One of which is uplifting and one of which is deflating. If you think, "Oh my God, this journey will never end," there will always be more work to do. The energy of that is contractive. If you think, "Oh my God, there is no limit to how much amazing things I can continue to grow into an experience," that is expansive and the choice of what perspective you take towards it is yours.
Nik: Yeah, I have...had that insight that if I just changed it to one of adventure and journey, that it changes the vibration of how I go forward. But yeah, for some reason, I still feel frustrated that I have to... I have to keep... Yeah. I'm unclear.
Oron: There is nothing that you have to do. You could stay what looks like stationary and you would still continue to move towards expansion because the entirety of your universe is moving towards expansion and you are a part of it and you are one with it. So there is indeed nothing that you have to do. The impetus that you have to grow and to expand is something that you can choose to follow or you could equally choose to not follow. Nothing is coming in from outside of you and saying that you must do anything. The feeling of must and continue to do is coming from internals. It's coming from inside of you and you are actually in charge of it, even though it feels to you that you are at the effect of it.
Nik: Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, totally. So my next question is... I guess mastery of energy, like I talk... I'm surrounded by how to manifest, getting your energy in the right alignment and I just wonder if there's like... It feels like there's a constant... There's always something that is going to have to be fixed and it will never, ever get fixed. And I would never get this mastery over manifesting and creating my life as I wish it to be. Is there a piece that I'm missing here?
Oron: Self acceptance.
Nik: Self acceptance in that...
Oron: Self acceptance of yourself as you are so that you no longer feel that the achievements need to be had in order to prove anything. There is a level at which there still remains within you a feeling of have to based on the fact that a level of deep, abiding self acceptance is not yet present as your continual experience. And when we say continual experience, we do not mean that you never, ever deviate from it. But the act of coming back to the place of accepting and encouraging of the self. If you are accepting and encouraging of the self and accepting and encouraging of the circumstances that you find yourself in, and then you take your attention to creating more of that. There is no, "This is wrong." There is no, "This has to be fixed." There is no pushing against. And that, dear one, is what you are tired of. Not the journey of life.
Nik: Yeah, that makes... That sitting perfectly in me. I wonder as well, like and this has been a question that I've had since I was young and still don't feel like I have got clarity on in myself. I know about soul's... soul purpose, and I feel like I have a soul purpose, but at the same time it makes me feel not free like I am at the will of something beyond me that pulls me towards something and so, therefore, I don't have free will. This is something that I've experienced, like when I was at church. Even with abandoning the church and finding my own spiritual journey, it's still something that I struggle with completely surrendering to, if that's even the word, or accepting that that is the way. I wonder if you can speak about that.
Oron: You struggle with surrendering because there is a misconception around it. You struggle with surrendering because you value your freedom and you value your autonomy. And the way you conceive of surrendering right now feels like a compromise of your freedom and of your autonomy and although you feel the bubbles of alignment when you consider what you call your soul's purpose, you do not wish to be bound to anything, even things that look good. You want your freedom and you want your autonomy. And that is as it was destined and designed. And it is what you wished for yourself when you came forward. And so there is a lot of confusion in the spiritual realm around the idea of surrender. And we wish to offer you this. Do not think of it as surrender. Think of it as allowing. The whole purpose of the idea of surrender in the spiritual realm is to create the space of allowing that is necessary for magic to unfold for you. When you conceive of it as throwing up your hands, you are giving up your power. The idea of you surrendering and giving up your power is not what is required in order for you to move forward in life in the joyful way that you know is possible in the surfboard way that we have discussed with you previously. So let go of the idea of surrender, because right now you are still in a place where you are feeling that you need to surrender to something outside of you. And you will evolve and you are on your way to this now, but you will evolve to the understanding that you and the universe are one and that the guidance that is coming to you is coming from you and you will no longer feel bound by flowing with what feels right for you.
Nik: Yeah. Yep, because that's exactly how I feel at the moment. I feel bound to have to fulfil my purpose because it is right and it has felt right. And then there's this rebellious part of me that doesn't want to do it.
Oron: We honor the rebellious part of you that does not want to fall to her knees in the face of anything, we want her to help you to follow what actually really feels right to you. And right now, the concept of surrender does not feel right, not because allowing does not feel right, but because giving up your power does not feel right. And of course, it doesn't. Of course it doesn't. There is something else that we wish to offer you also. Your purpose is not some big grand thing that you have to achieve and tic off before you die so that you get to go to heaven. There is no requirement that you must meet in order to please anything or anyone outside of you. So reconfigure your purpose to just being joy. And again, sometimes your purpose will be surfing. Sometimes your purpose will be visiting with friends. Sometimes your purpose will be what you consider your soul work. But if you feel a level of heaviness and responsibility and bondage and "must do" around what you consider your purpose, it will start to get heavy. It will contract your energy. And the reason you declare it, you found it, you discovered it to be inside of you as your purpose is because it was designed to give both you and those you interact with expansion. "Should," "must," do not have the energy of expansion. Playful, joyful following of what feels right to you in that moment does.
Nik: Yeah, that totally makes sense. And I can even feel that just may not wanting to surrender or submit or whatever the words feels a lot expansive already. So my next question, I guess, is there is a worry that if I am not working towards my purpose, I'm not contributing to the world like I should, that I'll become selfish even though my logical mind goes, "Of course you won't," but there's something in me that feels like that might pull me into something that isn't good for me or the world.
Oron: What is required here is a level of connection with the self and a discovering of more self-knowledge than what you have uncovered so far, and we acknowledge that that is a lot. Right now, there is a way that you do not trust yourself. And that is what is being evidenced by this question. Because deep down, you know your values. Deep down, you know what you care about. And if you had an external boss who kept telling you that you had no time to play and all you had to do was do the work, do the work, do the work, do the work, do the work, do the work with no break for lightness, do you think that that boss would be getting the best from you in terms of your contribution to the overall aim?
Oron: That is what you are playing out internally currently. Feel into that. Feel into the fact that you as a freedom seeking person, are railing against yourself because you yourself are trying to dominate yourself. Feel the incongruence of that. Not to berate yourself, not to beat yourself in any way, but to become aware of what is and is not effective for you. We will tell you something further. When you get clear on your guidance, your inner guidance works in unison with the universe because we remind you that you and the universe are one. And you are never guided - with your knowing with your intuitive self - you are never guided to things that are for your benefit and the detriment of others.
Nik: Okay. I can -
Oron: So you may release yourself from that burden. But stay in connection with yourself and do not be hypervigilant about your motivations, but be open to them, and this is where the self acceptance comes in. If you were somebody who deeply, deeply accepted yourself under all circumstances, combined with your value of wanting yourself to grow and to be your best self, you would be able to show to yourself all of the places where you are still wounded or hurt or struggling or doubting or fearful without any fear of reprimand. You would be able to support yourself through the cleaning up of those wounds so that they can heal. They would be able to come to the surface so much more than what is available to you when your habitual pattern of handling yourself is to beat yourself or control yourself or push yourself to try and force you to be better, because "Be better" implies that you are not good enough. And that is where the self acceptance, the self love is the salve. It is the context within which you can create the most expansive, expansive self, the most expansive, working towards more whilst appreciating what you already have. The most expansive connection with others is had when you are not feeling in any way defensive, when you are not feeling in any way that you have to protect yourself against anything and the self acceptance and the self love that we encourage you to uncover because it is already there, uncover and bring to the surface and make your primary mode of interaction with yourself will revolutionize your world much more quickly than you can even conceive. We love you. We love you. We love you. Go well.
Nik: They love you, They love you, They love you.
Medha: They do. Oh, my goodness.
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