Episode 22 – My mind won’t do what I want: the truth about getting your mind to cooperate
Updated: Feb 28
In this episode, Oron chat with Nik about why we feel guilty when we try to relax and play. Oron discuss why we struggle with our minds and they offer a practical lesson on working with our minds instead of fighting with them.
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Is play the path to alignment? [00:00:15 ]
Behind in life compared to friends [00:01:44 ]
Why won’t my mind cooperate? [00:08:34 ]
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Oron: We are here and ready.
Nik: We talked earlier about riding the wave of life. And I wonder – sometimes I feel like I fall off of the wave. And I wonder if play is the way to get back onto that flow.
Oron: Sometimes that will be the case and sometimes it will not, if you – We will begin somewhere else. The precursor to being able to access play is feeling safe. So depending on what it is that has knocked you off the wave, you may need to reclaim re-find for yourself, re-gift yourself the gift of safety within. Or it may be that play – you already feel safe and play is already available to you. So the determinant of what will uplift you in each moment is the energetic configuration of what is happening for you in the moment. There is no rigid rule to it. It is something that you uncover for yourself with your guidance and your knowing.
Nik: That makes sense because sometimes I feel like play – I feel guilty when I’m playing and it feels off path for me and almost like I use it as a way to cover up how I actually feel about a situation.
Oron: We would like to invite you to speak more about “it feels off path for me.”
Nik: So I’ve played a lot in my life and I have made myself feel guilty about how much I’ve played and not taken life seriously and where my life has ended up. I guess I’m in a bit of a comparison cycle with people who are of the same age as me and I feel like they have more going for them, even though I’ve hit a fantastic, beautiful life playing. So that’s what I mean when I feel like sometimes when I play now, it’s almost covered in guilt because it feels like I’m not bringing any purposeful change or goodness to the world.
Oron: That is because you are falling under the misunderstanding that play is frivolous, whereas play is alignment. There are – We will go deeper than this. There are two modes of play that can sometimes be confused by humans. The play of which we speak is the play that has the energy of expansion and alignment. Sometimes what people will consider play is actually wounding looking for soothing. So there are people who engage in activities that are not for the betterment of themselves or not for the benefit of themselves, that they would consider play, that are actually the desire to numb a pain or soothe a pain. That is not the kind of play that we are encouraging you to play with in terms of alignment and following your impulse to move forward in your life. So there is a clarification that is required there for those of you that are misunderstanding and therefore hearing the energetic incongruence when we encourage play. Play feels light, play feels joyous. And because your society for a long time has told you that you have to work hard and everything, it feels incongruous for you to align play with achieving your goals and your mission. But actually, combining those two things – the things that you aim to create in your life and the things that are of highest value to you – combining the things that you consider your purpose and the feeling of play and joy and flow is what is ultimately going to get you the best outcome. And we will go further. In your comparison point with the people around you, you are assuming that it takes the same period of time to achieve certain things for different people in different lifestyles and different spaces. That is not correct. The more alignment that you have, the easier it is for you to achieve things in your material world. So it may be that in fostering play for you, you are developing your skill set. You are going to Play University Alignment School so that when you undertake action with the alignment that you learned in your alignment school, you are capable of creating amazing results in a period that will surprise others, including yourself. That is also possible. But if you decide that play is frivolous and that was an earlier part of your life and you don’t take that forward with you, you are buying into the model that requires difficulty and struggle in order to create. You will be slowing down what is possible for you by a factor that is so large you cannot even yet conceive it.
Nik: Wow. Well that’s blown me out of the park.
Oron: Go back to the park. The park is playful. Play in the park. Lie down in the park. Look at the stars and tic that off your to do list. Make it important. Put play on your list of priorities. Put joy on your list of priorities. Why else do you do anything?
Nik: That’s so true. I used to prioritize play and it’s slowly making its way back, but with the guilt attached. But after – thank you for talking so much about it because it’s giving me joy just listening to this pathway that is possible for me.
Oron: The guilt is a misunderstanding. It is as though now that you have become an adult and a grown up, you need to do your big grown up adult responsible things and play is frivolous and for before and for children. And so you berate yourself for the times that you choose to play because you should know better and you should be achieving the things and doing the things. Does that sound like it has the potential to create miracles for you?
Nik: God, no. Not at all.
Oron: Does inspired, aligned action that comes to you when you’re in your most expansive state, when you are walking out of the surf, having had an exceptionally good time and had an extraordinary idea pop into your head and you go forward, not with force to enact it in the world, but with flow. Does that have the potential to create miracles for you?
Nik: Absolutely. I can feel that through my whole body. And I’ve had experiences of that where everything after a good session of play, the answer has come to me so easily and everything, the execution, is easy as well.
Oron: We invite you to offer that as evidence to your mind. Your mind has believed the old ideas that is peddled by a society that keeps you working hard and being responsible. And it is not what is energetically aligned and is not what is necessary. But as you believe it, you see more evidence of it. And it is a cycle that repeats. But you can create the momentum of different beliefs because they are also true, energetically true. And you can notice those times where you create with ease, with joy and see what those results are so that when your mind has fear and it has doubt, you can offer to it concrete examples of your own lived experience. Your mind will not believe things that look to it as though you are trying to fool it or trick it into something, it needs concrete things to hold on to in order to relax and to flow and to trust. So offer it all the evidence that you have regularly. Offer that evidence when your mind is fearful. Offer that evidence when your mind is relaxed. Give it what it needs so that it can come on board on the journey of freedom and flow that is relaxed instead of pushing and forceful and fighting what is.
Nik: That makes so much, so much sense. And I feel that relief, even my mind, knowing that there is evidence that this works because it wants to fight me so often. I wonder if you can just speak about why the mind wants to do that instead of being on board already. Like if I have evidence, why not just be on board with me?
Oron: Because you have evidence of both.
Oron: Because your mind prefers linear logic. And because for many of you, particularly the emotionally sensitive of you, you have been pulled away from your other forms of knowing and into your mind so that your mind has become the decision making tool that you rely on the most without acknowledgement of all of the other knowings that are available to you. There is a pressure that you have put on your mind to decide things for you and to get that get it right. And when it doesn’t get what you consider right, you become angry at it. The mind is… The mind is capable of much relaxation or much tension, but it is your inner environment that it determines what your mind is going to choose in each and every moment. There is momentum that is accumulated and has built up that needs to be slowed down by some encouragement of focus in other directions. Your mind works with you. It does not try to fight you, but when you have fed it and input into it varied ideas, beliefs, experiences and you demand that in this moment it thinks this and in that moment it thinks that. What more can you expect from it?
Nik: That’s really clear. That’s so clear.
Oron: And we will remind you also of this, your desire, your ultimate desire is to move into a state of wholeness. All the expansion that you seek, all the joy that you seek, all the purpose and fulfillment that you seek that comes from a sense of feeling whole within yourself. And the more you divide yourself into parts that you reject and belittle and berate and expect to conform to the beliefs of other parts of you, it sounds a little crazy to some of you, but it’s actually what each of you does regularly. You hold opposing beliefs so often, but you do not accept that within yourself. And therefore what you choose to do instead is to pretend that you really believe one thing when you really believe that, as well as a part of you believing its opposite. And then the mind is split. And because you bury that underneath your conscious awareness, it becomes really difficult for you to transform your beliefs fully because you are pretending that there are parts of you that don’t believe things that you think are silly, but you never believe anything that you think is silly for no reason. It is never for silliness, but it is a playful game of unpacking those old beliefs and meanings that you have created for yourself and bringing them to the surface and making a conscious choice. Do I want to keep this or do I not? And it is not as simple as doing that. You also need to embrace the part of you that held the belief that you consider silly. You need to bring it back into wholeness, accept it, accept that it was believing that for a reason; it was protecting you from something. It was there for a reason. It had purpose. It was taking care of you in a particular way and bringing an attitude of love and appreciation rather than condemnation and “Why don’t I think this already?” That is the path forward; acceptance of you, love of you, nurturing of you, appreciation of you, and not just the bits that you deem good. All of you is good. All of you is good. It is just that there are parts that are confused and wounded and what they require is the healing force of your own self love. Nothing external will fix that for you. The external can trigger you providing positivity within yourself, but it cannot solve the issue because what is required is your own self love, your own self, love your own self love is the most healing force on the planet. It is what you will seek. It’s just that you seek it externally and then you are bound because you compromise yourself for the exchange of approval that you seek from the external because you are not giving yourself the approval, but will you seek it from you. That is what you do not yet realize. Some of you do. Some of you don’t. Some of you are realizing more and more. But the antidote to all the lack, all the rejection, all the disappointment, all the shame, all the fear, all the things is your own self love and self acceptance and self nurturing. And then you will see it mirrored back to you in the wonderful universe that is a mirror of everything that you hold inside. Not just what you try and pretend that you believe, but what you deeply believe in all of the layers of your being. And this is why it serves you. It serves you to bring those parts back in, to ask them what they need to meet those needs to be there for yourself, to be your own best supporter, to take care of you, to prioritize you, to nourish you. And you will not become selfless – correction. You will not become selfish and careless. You will not stop caring for others. When your heart is whole, when your heart is full of your own self love, you have love to spill over. You have compassion when your heart is no longer wounded. When you are no longer stabbing yourself in the heart, you have the capacity to feel so much love and so much compassion for those around you. So we remind you of this: love is a healing force. You cannot bring too much self-love for yourself. You loving yourself more and more and more, brings more love into the world and increases your capacity to have love for others. You cannot love yourself too much. That is an impossibility.
Nik: Wow. I don’t know where to go with that, because I’m so – I’m feeling so emotional having that confirmation of never having enough love for yourself. I don’t think I’ve experienced that for myself yet.
Oron: Imagine the waves of life that you will ride when you are full of self-love. That is the surfboard. That is the board of support that you need in order to carve those waves with joy and not with dominance.
Nik: I can’t wait for those waves.
Oron: You do not need to wait and we will conclude by saying this: each one of you loves yourselves already. This is not a new journey. We invite you to consider all the times when you are outraged, when you are not treated well. Those times where you become angry at people when they are not kind to you. That is yourself love. Each of you has it already. It is not something new that you have to find and add to yourself. It is a diving deep to uncover what is already there because it is your very nature. There are just some superficial things on top that it would be helpful to clean up in a joyous, playful way. Self-love and self acceptance is the doorway to everything that you want because once you walk through it, you will feel worthy of receiving all of the things that the universe is ready to line up for you when you are ready to receive them. We love you. We love you. We love you. Go well.
Medha: That better recorded.
Nik: I’m pretty sure it was recording.
Medha: Holy hell, Hera. All right, stop recording the –
Oron: Before we invite you to ask a question, we want to remind you of something that deep down you already know, but it will be helpful to hear again. You are light, you are joyous, you are playful, you are whole, you are divine, you are perfect, you are complete and yet you are evolving. And it is smoothing out the process of evolution in a way that encourages you to hold yourself in the highest esteem in your own heart and mind that we come here to play with you today. How may we be of service?
Nik: Thank you, Oron. The question that comes to mind after that is about self doubt. I often find myself going back to the place where I doubt that my life is leading anywhere, that my intuition is working, and I wonder if you can speak about what role that actually plays when it feels so… feels like it’s going backwards.
Oron: We find it interesting that although we are able to feel into your experience and are aware of the fact that many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many times you are completely connected to your wisdom and your purpose and your joy and your intuition. Your focus tends to be on the times where you are not. Are you aware of that?
Oron: Do you also find it interesting?
Nik: It’s like it’s a beacon that calls me and I’m almost addicted to looking at it and I can’t not focus on it.
Oron: We will help you here. The reason that you can’t not focus on it is that you have trained yourself to focus on it. We reference childhood often because we want to help you in an experience of yourself and what you see in others connect into a specific energy and experience. You were born, you were a child, you were joyous and you were playful. And when you needed something and it wasn’t provided, yes, you would cry. And so in that sense, it could be said that you were focusing on a problem. But what you actually were was present. You were very focused on all of the toys and the joys that were available to you in the moment when they were also present. So we remind you that this has not always been the case for you. This is something that has been unfolding and developing and building upon itself and growing over time in terms of habit, in terms of energetic habit – mind habit. However, it is not what is natural for you and it is not what is optimal for you. We are mindful in saying this, though, that we do not want you to focus exclusively on the positivity and ignore the moments when you are aware of the negativity arising. So we invite you instead to do this. Be joyously present when things are going well. Be actively in a state of appreciation for your amazing knowing when it guides you to amazing consequences and results for yourself, when you are flowing with divine inspiration and things are going amazingly well. Build the awesome of that. Encourage yourself to thrive there, to be there, to enjoy that, to anchor it into the cells of your being as a lived experience and build on that. Build the awesome. By all means, build the awesome. But when you are flowing in a state of magic and all of a sudden you hear those words of niggling doubt, don’t scream over the top of them in affirmation. Do not ignore them, but rather turn to them. And the quicker you turn to them, the easier it’s going to be to do the process of uncovering what is coming up for you in that moment. Because we guarantee you this: the universe wants you to expand. Your energy field wants you to expand, and they are both working in tandem, in unison with you because they both are you to encourage you, to help you to expand. And there are always things that need to be cleared away in order to allow further expansion. But that process does not need to be ardently difficult. It does not, in fact, need to be difficult at all. And the secret to that is to catch it early, to be aware of it and to engulf yourself with as much self-love and self acceptance as you can find as you inquire as to what is actually happening in that moment for you. Those moments are valuable. Those moments are not wrong. Your doubt is not wrong. If you turn to your doubt with the feeling that it is wrong, it is going to be very difficult for you to do the true actual healing that you need to do for that part of you that feels the doubt to feel accepted, to feel integrated, to be made one with the whole once more. You are always one. You are always whole. You are always perfect, although expanding. But we want you to live this as an experience. And right now, when you are in that place of doubt, there is a division between your experience and your reality in terms of your divinity. You can never do anything that reduces your worth. You can never do anything that reduces your divinity, but you can disconnect from your experience of it and therefore feel powerless and at the affect of life. We are here to be mirrors to you and to remind you that you are infinitely powerful. You cannot even conceive the power that each of you holds within. You are beginning to get very slight glimpses of the expansion that is possible and available. And sometimes that can be scary and that is okay. That is when you turn to those parts of you, the parts of you that are scared, and you reassure them that things will happen in a way that unfolds naturally for you. And they don’t need to be ready for more than they are ready for in this moment. Encourage yourself to grow, encourage yourself with softness, with gentleness, with the carrot and not the stick.
Nik: Wow. I got tingles through my body and it feels so playful and delightful. It feels like when I’ve just had a surf and I’m at my highest high listening to what you have to offer.
Oron: We encourage you to surf the waves of life. Use your experience of surfing and surf the waves of life. That is what your intended. You are meant to be carried. It is meant to be joyous. It is meant to be fun. It is meant to be an adventure, an exploration into more and more levels of growth and joy and expansion.
Nik: I love it. I love it so much.
Oron: You love it because you feel the resonance, because you know it’s true because we remind you of this again and again and we’ll do so here. we are just mirrors. We are showing you things that you already know but have just kind of forgotten or left behind a little, but you never lose it. And so when you hear us speak it, you get tingles and shivers because you feel the resonance of it. There is a part of you that recognizes the truth in it. And we love that.
Nik: So true. I am feeling the riding of the waves, the riding of life being such an easier path than trying to carve out a way to live my life.
Oron: We dare you to go to the ocean and try and physically carve a wave using a tool. We understand that carving a wave is a surfing term, but imagine trying to stand there and stop a wave from hitting the sand. Imagine trying to force a cut into an actual wave, trying to change it. Imagine that. That is what many of you are doing with the waves of energy that you are meant to be riding, that the universe provides to carry you forward to the things that you want. Do not try and force your outer circumstances to be different. You can try, but you will not feel light and joyous. Instead, do the inner work, the playful work of exploring yourself internally and opening up the doors to the receiving of all of the things that you want. And when you do that, the waves will carry you naturally. That is, as it is designed.
Nik: That feels so much easier
Oron: It is meant to be easy. It is meant to be easy. But there is a misunderstanding that many humans have currently, that easy lacks value, that easy is lazy and they have to earn the things and prove their worth. That is a misunderstanding. It is not what’s true. This is what’s true: inspired action may have challenges. You may experience it as somewhat difficult, but inspired action has the expansive quality of ease in that it feels right. It feels flowing. It feels joyous. Ease is not a cop-out, you know, when you are copping out. Your guidance, once you learn to connect into it, will let you know what will be of most benefit for you. And if you get clear with yourself and if you get honest with yourself, you will know when you are actually copping out. So don’t assume that aligned action that feels easy is a cop-out. That is not what’s true. Aligned action is supposed to feel like you are being carried by the wave. That is its energetic quality. There may be challenge involved, but it will be joyous challenge. It will be the challenge that builds a level of resilience and inner fortitude and inner strength without needing to be a terrible life draining struggle. Life draining struggle does not fill you with energy, and what you want is to be filled with joyous energy and to flow forward into life, creating more of that for yourself and others and having a positive impact of lightness and joy and flow. And you cannot get there by forcing and you cannot get there by fighting, and you cannot get there by struggle. We love you, we love you, we love you. Go well.
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