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Clearing and releasing in real time can be challenging. In this episode I share with you my process of dealing with a level of physical healing that's deeper than anything I've done before. I also share with you the curve ball that the universe has thrown my way that means I'll need to take a small unexpected break from releasing episodes.
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Transcript
In this episode, I talk to you about clearing and releasing in real time, using myself as an example. If you listen to the end, you'll also hear me talk about an unexpected curveball, a pretty intense one that the universe has thrown at me. That will mean I'm taking a short break from releasing podcast episodes. You'll get the details about that at the end of this episode. Let's do it.
Welcome to A Clear Perspective, the podcast that helps you remember who you really are, what you really want and the easiest way to get it. I'm Medha and I'm a direct voice channel for Oron, who give us straight talking, practical guidance to help us live joyful lives of abundance, ease and positive impact the way we were meant to. I got the inspiration to come and record this when I am very in the middle of processing and feeling some shit. I don't know if this will eventually become a podcast episode if you're listening to it. I guess that did happen because I'm not feeling very cogent. I'm definitely not feeling very centred. So we'll just see how this goes. Because the impulse to come was strong and I've kind of trained myself to follow those impulses. So here we go. If you get my emails, and I hope you do, in case you don't and you want to, you can go to oronandmedha.com/penpal. If you get my emails, you'll know that I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I had had some physical illness that I really, truly felt was like an up levelling process for me.
And since then, I feel like I have again expanded the capacity of my consciousness to be able to see things that I wasn't able to see before. This is like an ever unfolding process, right? There's always going to be more that we are able to see, and there's always going to be potential increases in our ability to see things, in the evolution of our consciousness, in the upgrading of our vibration, and sometimes also our physical body, which I guess is what I'm here to talk to you about. Now, in case you haven't been following me for a long time, in case you're not aware of my history and how I grew up. I was the daughter of an abusive alcoholic, so my mom was very loving and kind to my brother, but the opposite of that to me. So she said things to me like I'm the worst thing that ever happened. She wish I'd never been born. So just so you get the gist of kind of the lack of safety, the lack of physical, emotional, mental, psychic safety that I lived in throughout my formative years. I now have a brilliant relationship with my mom.
It helps that I've done a shit tonne of inner work around it, and also that she's no longer drinking. So that is something that doesn't feel like it weighs heavily on me. In terms of our ongoing relationship. But the work that I have done around healing from my childhood, I guess, and the patenting and the trauma and the belief structures and stuff that I set up as a result of that or in response to that, most of the healing that I've done has been on the energetic level, on the mental level and on the emotional level. I saw a psychologist for many years. I'm very trained and experienced in moving energy and emotion, really. And although I've had a feeling that the inexplicable illness that I've had for the last two and a bit years that doctors can't find a reason for, I've had a feeling that that's teaching me a lot of things like how to act without pushing, how to flow with the world, how to stop feeling like I need to control everything and understand everything. There's a lot that I feel like it's been giving me. But one of the biggest things that I feel like it's been giving me is a nudge from my body specifically to connect to it, to be with it.
And I've been aware that that's been my intention and I've been kind of focusing on it and working with it. But truly there still has felt a level of disconnect between me and my body even though I can get to a place of really understanding its value and no longer thinking it was letting me down by not being able to do the things I wanted to do. And even though I'm able to find a lot of love for my body and appreciation for my body in contrast to what I used to feel years ago when I had fibromyalgia, in a really debilitating way, I feel like I am quite able to appreciate and love my body with my mind, with my emotions and kind of with my energy. But the thing is I've done quite a lot of nervous system work before, but I've been kind of working with that a little bit more deeply in the recent past. And I think what's happened is my capacity to connect with my body has had a pretty big up level and the circumstances that I'm living in right now in a beautiful house with a beautiful relationship, I've got a good life.
I've never been so safe. I'm very, very safe. And I've been working on creating inner safety inside of myself with the ways I talk to myself and how I think about myself. But I think it's time now for all the old stuff that's been stored in the physicality of me, like in the body of me, to be felt cleared and released. I think I thought I had already done that, to be honest with you. I think I thought that the emotional and the mental and the energetic stuff that I had done has kind of taken care of this bit. But I'm very widely aware right now that it hasn't. And as I increase my capacity to connect with my body and experience things. I'm having something come up which if you're familiar with the work of Irene Lions. I think it's hoping that's the name she talks about kind of trauma being held in the body as survival stress. Like from all the things that we had to block in the past and just like our desire to survive. And she said something in her video recently which kind of describes what I feel like I'm experiencing.
And what she said is that sometimes when people at whatever level have experienced some kind of freeze state, like a frozen sort of state which I definitely experienced around my childhood and growing up and stuff and I'm now seeing I maintained kind of up until now. So there's a level that every time I go deeper or every time I up level, every time I have a consciousness expansion, I'm more able to connect in with myself. And I realise now that I have been in some level of phrase even up until now. And it's my physical body that has been holding that. So right now, this second, all of today have been experiencing the most profound panic terror. Like I feel like I'm going to die or everyone I love is going to die, the world's going to implode, it's all going to turn to shit. And I also have a feeling like oh my God, I've got to fix it and I've got to do something and I've got to take an action. And there's a couple of things going on in my personal life that I can't get into in detail because it involves other people and I'm just not free to speak about it publicly.
But those things that are happening in my life do not justify at all the way that I'm feeling right now. It's like my mind is grasping to try and find reasons to explain why the fuck I'm in a panic. But that's what I feel like. It's really uncomfortable in my body so I'm not forcing myself to sit with it, I'm letting myself be distracted, I'm letting myself listen to things if I want. I'm letting myself go. Went to the beach for 2 hours and just kind of sat there, looked at the water and connected to the earth and didn't make myself be so in touch with my physical emotions because the truth is they are so intense that it can be too much. It's like overwhelming. And my old mode would be to kind of go right, I've got a clear this, I've got to heal it and so I'm just going to feel all the stuff. But no, I'm moving through this process with selflove and self compassion and I am taking breaks when I need to and I'm letting myself be distracted. But I'm very aware of how true the panic feels. It feels so true and when I was in a panic.
This morning, I was guided actually to listen back to an audio of a channelling from November last year. And in that channelling, the message for me was, there is a lot of anxiety stored in your body. I'd forgotten about this, right, because it's eight, nine months ago, but I got guided to listen to that and said, there's a lot of anxiety stored in your body. There is some physical healing that your body needs to do. But the reason it's not able to heal is because of the stored really intense anxiety being held by the body. So that when I meditate, for example, my body is not able to kind of join my mind in that kind of expansive, openness state because it's not capable of fully relaxing. My body is not capable of fully relaxing. And that the way to get my body to a place where it's able to fully relax and to fully let go is to spend time feeling the anxiety, feeling the stress, feeling the tension, feeling the feelings that my body has without trying to fix them, without feeling responsible for fixing them. And to open up to the support of the channelling said, like God and the energetics the universe, I guess, so that I am not still walking around with the feeling, which I do still have.
I'm very connected to the fact that I have still got this feeling right now that ultimately it's all up to me still, that I'm responsible. The reason I'm sitting here sharing this with you is because I had the inspiration too. What I'm saying as I hear myself talk to you is the importance of being okay with the fact that sometimes when we're going deeper with something, it feels like we're going backwards. Because there are parts of me right now going, haven't I dealt with this? Haven't I done this already? Like, why is this coming up again? Because I did feel like I had dealt with this. And it's true that I had, to the degree that I was capable of at the time, and now my capacity has increased and I'm able to obviously sit with this or else my body wouldn't be releasing it. Like, I wouldn't be giving it to my consciousness. And because the panic terror feels so true, it's really easy for me to dismiss the idea that this is a clearing or a healing because it's really convincing. The feeling feels true. But also I know that I listened to that video from Irene Lyons, and that part of the process of going deeper in our capacity of our nervous system is to feel and clear out the stuff that we've been holding for a long time.
She calls it stored survival stress. It was also not a coincidence that I got guided to listen to that channelling recording that I hadn't even thought about for, I don't know, six, seven months, eight months, kind of, since it happened. And again. I'm getting the message. This is what your body needs. The channelling said that it's going to take about ten days for me to move through it. Like, I don't know if that's accurate or not. Sometimes I find a lot with channelling the timing can be slightly off, so I'm not going to hold the universe for that. But I am going to so profoundly love and soothe myself and not force myself for like a second to be feeling things that are beyond me because that's not kind, that's not compassionate, that's not loving. But at the same time, I want to be there for myself and for my body and feel its experience. I've known for a long time actually, that the connection to the body is important for the energetic work. Anyway, you might have heard a few times I've mentioned that when I sit down to channel Oron, the first thing I ever do is connect with me, my body, and the Earth.
And in the many guided meditations that I have, which are awesome, by the way, cheque them out if you haven't already. They're on Insight Timer and they're also on YouTube. They're freely available. You'll find at the start I'm always inspired to guide people to connect into their body first. There's a difference between understanding that as an idea and doing it to the best of my ability in each moment and then really increasing my capacity to go deeper and deeper with it. The feeling that I have right now is really intense, and I need to take breaks from it, and that's okay. There's no right way for me to do these. There's no perfect mater that has to come out. That's kind of partly what's getting cleared out. I think in the recording of that channelling, part of what it said was the anxiety stays in play because I have always felt like I'm alone and I'm responsible for everything. And even though I really, truly would have thought yesterday or the day before, if you asked me, do you think that you flow with the universe? I would say, yeah, I think I do that pretty well.
And there's a degree to which that is still true. But there is another degree where it's deeper, where I'm now able to see and actually fuel, actually feel in my body the places where I still feel like I'm alone, like I'm solely responsible, which therefore makes me want to control the fuck out of the universe. Because if I deep down have aspects of me that do not feel like the universe has got my back, that do not feel like I'm going to be supported, and of course I'm going to want to try and control everything, of course. So I'm going to percolate in this when it feels right to percolate in it. I'm going to share about it when it feels right to share about it. I don't know when I will tell you again what's going on. Although I do tend to talk again more about those things in the email. So oronandmedha.com/penpal if you want them, you also get lots of cool cartoons. Actually I've started drawing cartoons and sending them out and I love that ever so much. So I will continue percolating in this or doing whatever the hell feels right in the moment.
Before I had to do a child pose and then before that I had to sit at the beach for a number of hours. And now next, after I hit stop on this recording, I'm going to take the dogs and I'm going to take them on the fastest walk that they have ever had. I don't want to run, but I just want to walk really, really fast. So I am going to do for my body whatever it wants from me and I'm going to love my body as it does the really, really hard work of feeling this stuff that I genuinely must not have been ready to feel until right this second. Imagine poor little Medha, our little girl Medha who was in this really unsafe situation and had nowhere to run, nowhere to go. The person who's supposed to love and take care of her was doing the opposite. Something else that Irene said that's really cool is about the difference between capital T trauma. So like what you would look at my childhood and say that was versus little traumas. Like the small things that happen in daily life that can also lead us to be disconnected from our bodies or shut down or whatever, and that there is no real difference in those things.
You'd think there would be. But it makes sense to me and I've seen it in clients as well. I used to have the idea before I did a lot of work with a lot of people. I used to have the idea that people who had healthy, loving parents would not really have any issues internally, but that's not what's true. And so as our humanity is going through this massive up level, which makes it first look like everything's turning to shit, the individuals of us are doing that work on a personal level, which then adds to the collective. So I know that I'm not alone in this, in this going deeper and it's clearing out. So if you're having any degree of a similar experience at all and if you're conscious and you're listening to this, then probably on some degree this is something that happens too when the things are coming up because they want to be felt, they want to be seen, released, acknowledged. I've got a little bit of advice for you if you want it that little speech I just gave about poor little Medha and of course she felt terrified because she couldn't run away from a really scary and unsafe situation.
Tell that story about you, find ways to be compassionate with you because when you're clearing this stuff, I just can really feel, because I'm in it right this second, how much being loved and supported through it, rather than criticised for, why am I having to deal with this again? And I thought this was done and what's wrong with me that I'm stuck back here again? Oron says it our self love is the most healing force in the universe. It's the elixir. So I'm going to sign out by encouraging you if and when, let's say when you go through something similar in your growth pattern and you spot yourself feeling some stuff that you thought was dealt with, but here it is again. Find the place of compassion for yourself. Whether it's for me, it's my body right now, whether it's emotional, whether it's mental, whether it's energetic or physical, whatever it is, whatever you're moving through, find a way to love you and support you through it if you can. If you just had a thought, hell yeah, I'd like to do that. But how do I do it, then? I'm going to recommend that you have a play with the Free Return To Wholeness mini course, because that has really built my skill set in this area, so that I've got that available now as a way to support myself through this crappy bit, which isn't actually crappy.
It's a clearing, it's a cleaning, it's a moving towards expansion, it's a supporting the parts of me that were in the dark before to step into the light. And, yes, it's uncomfortable and, yes, sometimes I need to run away from it and it's fine when I do, but it's actually a really amazing thing. I'll come back and talk to you about this when it feels like it's time. Thank you. Take care of you and chat soon. Hey, beautiful people.
I thought that was it, but I've got an update for you. The thing that you just heard was recorded a while ago now, maybe a week ago, and what I experienced is a really profound, intense kind of clearing, as I described it, of that panicky feeling that's lived in my body for a really long time.
And then I had a day after.
That of being so calm and feeling really different. I wear one of those kind of Fitbit things, like, I've got a Garmin and it measures my stress level. And the difference, when you look at the graph, is so extraordinarily massive between when I was in that really feeling and clearing mode and when I had kind of cleared it out and I was much more calm. The awesome thing about that is that it gives me real, profound, experiential, embodied confidence.
That feeling.
That feeling is actually a really productive thing to do. So when it came back really intensely the following day, it was so much easier for me to really just relax into experiencing the intensity of the paddock in my body and I was doing that, and I was doing it really well when the universe threw a massive curveball my way in. That first my dad was missing for about a day and a half, and then we found him. He had had a car accident. He is alive, but he's not well. Not from the car accident, but from the fact that he's got what appears to be a tumour in his brain. So the first doctor told me he's definitely got brain cancer and then he got moved to a different hospital and that doctor told me he's likely to have brain cancer, but there's still some more tests and things that need to be done. So my poor beautiful body has been experiencing so much of the stress and the anxiety and the worry and I am so very aware of something that or often say, which is that humans think that death is bad. Right now, I'm very connected to the fact that humans think that death is bad.
I do not want my dad to die, and I've got a 14 year old sister and the whole thing is just really super, incredibly intense. So I am doing the things that need to be done in the moment and I am trying and releasing and processing emotion at other times, and I am choosing to give myself the gift while I'm in this really intense phase where we still don't yet know what the true situation is, when dad's going to have an operation, if he's going to have it. What's going on here? I'm giving myself the gift of space and time so that I don't have pressure to do things. So I'm going to be taking a spontaneous podcast break and a break of probably sending emails as well. I will give myself also the space to do podcasts or emails if I feel like it, but I don't want to have any heaviness or pressure on myself or my energy field or my system right now, given how much of that is already happening. So I would highly recommend that you subscribe to the podcast in whatever app you prefer listening to podcast content on, so that whenever I release a new one, which I don't know, I'm feeling like it might be in three weeks, it might not be.
I'm unsure right now. I don't want to make any commitments. But if you are subscribed, you'll be notified when a podcast gets released. The other thing I'd highly recommend, if you want to be kept abreast of.
Stuff, if you want to be in.
The loop, is to join my email newsletter, which I don't really think of it as a newsletter, I think of it as love notes that tend to go out most Thursdays. I will be taking a little break from those, but the moment that I feel like I'm back, that's the best.
Place for me to communicate with you.
So if you haven't already joined that and you'd like to stay in touch. I recommend doing that. You'll hear the outro with the information about how to do that. And between now and next time I release an episode, I really want to thank you for your support of me and also Oron and also all of this work. It really means so much, and I cannot wait to be able to put all of my energy and consciousness and attention back into this space because I utterly adore it. I'll give you another update when I feel inspired to give you another update and I'll release another episode. When I feel inspired to release another episode. And I wish you and my dad well. I also wish myself well. I wish everybody well.
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