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  • Writer's pictureMedha Murtagh

Episode 65 – Dealing with hardship

Updated: Feb 28, 2023

Consciously working on your energy doesn’t guarantee that the stuff that we consider bad isn’t going to happen to you, or to me. But the gift that working on our energy CAN give us, is a smoother ride when the proverbial DOES hit the fan. Learning to use the crap as fertiliser for our growth and evolution is infinitely better than suffering in vain. We’re deviating from our usual programing today as I share with you the pretty horrendous health journey I’ve been on over the last 18 months, and the recent diagnosis that scared the fuck out of me. This episode includes a healing and channeling from Oron that’s intended for me as well as for you.

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Medha: Consciously working on your energy doesn't guarantee that the stuff that we consider "bad" isn't going to happen to you or to me. But the gift that working on our energy can give us is a smoother ride when the proverbial does hit the fan. Learning to use the crap as fertilizer for our growth and evolution is infinitely better than suffering in vain.

We're deviating from our usual programming today, as I share with you the pretty horrendous health journey that I've been on over the last eighteen months, as well as the recent diagnosis that scared the fuck out of me. This experience includes a healing and a channeling from Oron that's intended for me as well as for you. Let's do it.

Welcome to A Clear Perspective, the podcast that helps you remember who you really are, what you really want and the easiest way to get it. I'm Medha, and I'm a direct voice channel for Oron, who give us straight talking, practical guidance to help us live joyful lives of abundance, ease and positive impact; the way we were meant to.

Something that I see really frequently in the personal development world or the spiritual world - or however you want to call it - is that people who are teaching in that realm or guides in that realm can sometimes intentionally or unintentionally portray themselves as having all their shit together all the time. You may notice, for example, that my puppy dogs are barking in the background and I am not stopping the recording. I'm hopeful that Dennis, the audio magician, is going to be able to do something about that so that it doesn't interrupt your experience. But this is when I've been inspired to record this, and so this is when I'm recording it.

So my point is I don't ever wish to - either consciously or unconsciously - be presenting myself as someone who no longer has to do the personal development work. I think everyone who's, like, a teacher with their salt is doing this work on themselves constantly. And yes, it becomes easier. Yes, it becomes more flowy the more skilled you get at it. And actually, the more able you become to support yourself through it, the faster and easier that I have learned that it becomes.

But I do want to share with you the struggles or the difficulties or the challenges that I'm working through because I'm a human being just like everybody else, and I have the incredible privilege of being able to access the extraordinary energy of Oron. But you know what? So do you. If you're listening to this podcast, then that's available to you as well, whether it's via the form of them coming through me or via connecting into themselves yourself. Because there's an episode that's been released already - I think it's called something like Can We Get Healing From Oron. So that's already there and available. Listen to it if you want to connect personally with them more deeply without needing to connect through me.

But anyway, I am able to connect to incredible, amazing wisdom and guidance and it has radically transformed my life. I've created and discovered the Return to Wholeness Process, which is incredibly lifechanging. And I'm so keen to get this in the hands of any human with a level of consciousness that makes them interested and open. But that doesn't mean that I don't have challenges and issues.

I've mentioned it on the podcast before. For the last eighteen months, I've been going through some health issues, some difficulties with my health. And I've gone through the medical process. I've seen, I think, about ten specialists now and no one has been able to work out what's been going on for like a really long time and the symptoms have been getting worse.

So I'll give you a rundown. Some of the symptoms - the worst, most challenging symptom for me is that my eyes are exhausted. Like, words can't describe to you how tired and exhausted my eyes are. And they don't want to move up. They don't want to move down. They don't want to move to the right of the left. They want to stay centered. It's like the muscles are so fatigued that moving them around is really difficult.

So I love reading. I love love, love reading, but I haven't read a book for eighteen months because it doesn't feel like self love for me now to make my eyes do that when it's not what I want to do. So my eyes are extremely fatigued. I'm trying to stay away from reading and screens as much as I can. I went through five weeks where I completely stopped reading or writing or using my phone or using the computer to see if it helped and it didn't. So my eyes - massive headaches. Big, big headaches that come with the eye exhaustion and fatigue.

Swelling through my face. So it started just my eyelids and then under my eyes, then my forehead, then my nose, then my cheeks. And, so gradually, my whole face is starting to get more and more swollen. My legs have also been swollen. I've got joint pain. I've got gland pain. I've got numbness and tingling and I've lost the ability to rotate my spine.

So I used to be a yoga teacher and a Pilates teacher. So I really know my body and its abilities and I cannot rotate my spine now. I can lay myself down and create a spine twist, but I can't stand up and use my internal musculature to create a spine twist.

So the stuff is kind of just getting worse. So I've seen like a million specialists, like I said. No one's had any idea about what's been going on with it. Until yesterday. So one of the tests amongst the - I want to say hundreds, but I'm probably exaggerating - the many tests that I've done. One of them was a skin biopsy. So they cut a piece of my skin, sent it away to a lab. And I was contacted and told that the results are back and that I have a rare form of Lymphedema that says that I was born with a faulty Lymphatic system. So Lymphatics is kind of like the waist disposal of the body. And that it's something that kicks off at age 35 or later and that it gets progressively worse over time.

So the discussion that I had with the dermatologist who gave me that information was pretty scary. Like if anyone says "Gets progressively worse over time," that's not a super exciting kind of idea. And I felt really deflated. I felt like I've been working towards a solution to this. I've been obviously doing a bunch of energy work. I've been kind of nagging Oron to give me answers, and they've kind of refused - but also not really. And it was such a disappointment for me, and I felt defeated and really flat, and I couldn't really get the words out of my head that it gets progressively worse, it gets progressively worse because for the past 18 months has been getting progressively worse, and it has not been a fun ride.

I'm lucky enough to have a lot of conscious, beautiful people in my life. So I had a conversation with a friend of mine and felt a whole lot better afterwards when I reconnected to the fact that the doctors are doing the best that they can with what they know. But there are also so many examples of miraculous healings, and so whatever I am told is the prognosis or destiny with this alleged disease or whatever it is, there is so much more that's available if I'm available to it.

I'm not putting any pressure on myself to try and fix and heal this, but I'm also not willing to or wanting to buy into, like, a future of progressively worse living. Because I really, truly, honestly believe that it's possible for us to create amazing things with the power of ourselves. But the challenge for me here is to really feel my feelings. So I was feeling frustrated. I was feeling sad. I was feeling defeated. I've also had fibromyalgia for a really long time, so I'm used to accommodating an illness in my life. And my life is so fabulous. It's so, so fabulous. I've structured it in the way that I do what I want. I'm totally supported. It's, like magical.

But the idea of having to build in the handling of a bunch of additional limitations to the ones that I'm already handling - like, I was frustrated, I was angry. I felt like it wasn't fair. I felt defeated and like I had no power, actually. That's how I felt. Like I had no power against this thing that I'm being told is going to get progressively worse.

So I feel a lot better about this now than I did when I first got the phone call. So this is probably 24 hours later now. I am feeling a lot better, but I'm also still working through the emotions of it. I've booked in with the specialists who are going to create kind of like a game plan. But I want to be really mindful of what I listen to when they speak to me and not to put them on some pedestal. Like, yes, they've studied this more than me, but I've studied energetics and the potential for creating incredible, miraculous things that are not always expected logically.

So I want to be aware. I want to be informed. I want to understand it. I want to find the best ways to support myself through this, but I also don't want to be doing it while on my knees thinking that what they're telling me is possible is the only thing that's possible. Because there's always more that's possible and available.

So I wanted to share this with you because I'm just a human going through the process and I'm going to ask Oron to give me some - I'm going to sit and do a channeling. One of the things that surprises me now that I am a channel is that I don't sit and formally channel for myself as often as I would have imagined. Like if you'd asked me, say five years ago, "If you were a channel, how often do you think you'd channel for yourself?" I would have thought it would have been pretty bloody regularly, like daily. I don't do it formally for myself, hardly ever, actually. And it's interesting given that I am dealing with some stuff.

I had a conversation with someone who told me something that feels true, which is that the podcast is changing slightly and that Oron sounds slightly different and they sound a bit more like me. And I feel like part of what's happening is there's like a blending of the energies that's going on. And I feel like I have less questions than I used to. And I feel like I can kind of access information without sitting and doing it formally.

So what I've done in the past is I've channeled for myself - and when I decided to after listening to it - I've chosen to share it with you. This time, I'm inverting that order, and I've decided to share with you my personal experience as a human, and then the channeling that I'm going to ask Oron to do for me around this exact topic - which is my health. But the way that they will counsel me or provide energy healing for me will also be available for you in whatever circumstance you're finding yourself in. I'm sure, because that's the way it always happens.

So I'm going to try now to sit and do some channeling and we'll see what comes out. Okay. So I'm preparing myself to call Oron in now. I can already feel myself wanting to yawn, which means they're nearly here.

Oron: We are here and so happy to provide you with the energetic support that we can feel you requesting and also being open to. And we are not only speaking to Medha here. We are aware that more of you are listening, and we wish to extend that same welcome and love and support to each and every one of you, and to also let you know - or remind you as the case may be - that that is always the case when you listen to us in whatever form.

There is energetics that is available to support you - each and every one of you - but they are not always supporting you in the way that you conceive. There is an ability that you have to connect into the support and allow yourself to relax as though the support is a hammock so that you feel held, so that you do not feel like you alone have got the responsibility of holding yourself up and keeping yourself upright and pushing yourself to keep going.

Sometimes - and this happens with prayer and with requests - there can be a tendency to feel like the support you want is for the universe to be reconfigured in the external, that you want a particular outcome to be created for you, that you wish things to be made different than what they are.

And although we will encourage you always to allow your preferences to be and to flow - because that is the truth of what is present for you in each and every moment - the desire to control and the desire to change the external in order that you then feel the way that you wish is not the kind of support that will help you to connect into the inner energetics and the space of you-ness that lies within you.

We know that as you have been trained to look externally for success, for achievement, for results, it becomes then easy to feel like it is the world around you that is in command of you. That is so easy to understand as a primary perspective when you interact with the world around you. But the deepest truth of all is that you interact with yourself inside of yourself and you create yourself in you in every moment, and the all that is you, the universe that is also you is also created afresh in each and every moment. That is why it is possible for you to experience what you call miracles. But miracles occur in a space of allowing, in an open space. And so when you believe in miracles, as Medha has been doing, when you assert your belief in the possibility of miracles and yet beneath that assertion is the desire to assert the creation of said miracle, there is a level of force and pushing that is present that is a different energy than what the energy of miracles actually are.

Medha has said that she wants to go from being a medical mystery to being a medical miracle. And she really truly does believe that that is possible. But there are also ways that she has still been fighting and resisting and pushing. And we know, Dear One, Medha, that you push so much less than you used to. So much less, in fact, that the ways that soul free now still sometimes pushing become imperceptible to you.

And we want to remind you of something vitally important. You are not being in any way punished. You are not being in any way limited. But your commitment to your own growth and to your own expansion means that you wish to see the places where in yourself you are not yet a match for the things that you want.

We can feel the emotion coming up in you, and some of that emotion is relief. And we encourage you to relax into that relief now.

You have not not been working hard enough at this. You have not not been doing well enough. Do not look at your external situation - and we classify the physical experience of your body as a part of that. Do not look at the externals of your situation and use them to judge your own effort. The situations around you and the situations in your body are exceptional guides to show you where more expansion may be available for you. And that is a wondrous, beautiful thing and it is one of the ways that the universe supports you - or rather that you support yourself in the form of the universe.

You know, Medha, Dear One. You know, Dear One, how much you wish to expand. You know how willing you are to do the work or the play or the dance required for that to be. And you know also that you sometimes dance the dance of limitation and that that can be a propulsion, a springboard for further and further expansion. You moving forward to what you want is indeed supported by the statements that you made earlier by not buying into or being limited by the limitations that is expected in a particular situation.

Do not decree yourself limited by what is decreed by others, and instead connect inwardly and adjust, adjust, adjust, adjust, adjust, adjust, adjust so that you find flow. The process of flow is found when you connect inwardly and start to move forward. Feel that sense of flow. And the moment that sense of flow starts to shift, you become aware and willing to shift again, and again and again; knowing that you are deeply worthy, knowing that there is nothing that you must earn and knowing that this is a game and a dance and that it can be light and it can be fun. But that is not available if there is resistance and fighting and pushing against.

You, Dear One, are doing the deep and profound and transformational inner work of learning not to push against. You are learning not to resist and not to fight, but still to stand forward and move forward to the things that you want. In the past, that has felt to you like an oxymoron. You have felt the need to fight against or push against in order to move closer to what you want. But when you fight against and push against, what you get closer to is the energy of contraction and tension.

And so feel the feelings that you have around this diagnosis. Feel them all. And do not come down on yourself with the expectational whip of "You know better than to feel limited." Support yourself in feeling all of the feelings and going deeply into this experience and do not resist the parts of you that are in resistance. Do not try and change and fix the parts of you that may be fearful that the doctors are correct, that this will continue to deteriorate for you. And instead, love them. Love them, hug them, heal them, integrate them and once they feel heard and seen, they will become able to see more possibilities than when they are clouded with fear and also feeling alone.

This is still a process of working out inside of yourself how to create more harmony, less tension and less resistance, less blockage. They are the symptoms that your body is experiencing and that is not a coincidence. You do not need to fight. You do not need to push, and that is not just in regards to this diagnosis and it is not just in regards to all of external life. But it is also in regards to your emotions. The fact that you know that energetic alignment creates magical miraculous results, can tempt you to try and dismiss or eliminate the aspects of you that are not in alignment with that miracle energy. But that will never get you to a miracle outcome. All that will do is split your energy, divide you against yourself and give you the message that you are not worthy or loved or valuable or heard. Because you cannot give that message to only a part of you. You always give it to the whole.

And so do not fear feeling your fear. Do not decide that limitation is yours forevermore. Stay open in the moment and feel free to relax into the moment and then adjust and then adjust and then adjust so that you can start to be someone who finds even more flow in their life.

Right now, we know that you feel like you love your life and that there's more to come and that you are being held back. But, Dear One, you are never being held back. You are always being shown the places that you are not yet a match, and there are some places that still exist within you now that are not a match to the things that you want. There is a level of rigidity that you have not been able to see and that is not a problem because you have been becoming more and more ready and you are ready now.

And so continue to connect with yourself in what you call your meditation, your experience of being. We remind you that you are undergoing a deep process of reclaiming your personal power. And a part of that is this dance that you are doing with the medical establishment so that you feel like you have agency, like you have power and influence over the situation, rather than being told by external doctors in white coats what is and is not possible for you. So much more is possible for you. You are unpacking this now and that is a wondrous, beautiful thing. You are brave, you are powerful, you are adored and you're right that there is more fun for you to have on this journey.

And so support yourself and relaxing into that fun and into that flow and know that there is no rush here. There is no rush. Love yourself, hug yourself, play. Play. And know that you are loved and that all is well and that you have not fallen off track. You cannot fall off track. And so much more amazing things are coming.

We love you, we love you, we love you. Go well.

Medha: So I just listened back to that and I'm feeling a little emotional. I wanted to come in and check in with you and tell you how that felt for me. How that felt was like relief. How that felt was like a clearing of some heaviness that I was carrying around this whole thing. And how I feel also is that I want to make it really clear that that wasn't just for me. So the inspiration that came to discuss my situation and share the channeling with you before I'd even done it. The intention was that it's for all of us. And it's fine if you listen to it and heard it through the filter of thinking that it was about me. But also, if that was the case, I'd invite you to go back and listen again because it's for you as well.

You wouldn't be here listening to it if it wasn't. We are so loved, so adored. This dance that we have to do to open up to receiving and aligning to all of that is a funny, funny, funny thing.

So I'll keep you posted with how I'm going with all of this. If you have any questions about any of it, please get in touch with me. You can find us on the website The podcast information is all there. You can send me video messages, audio messages. You can email me. I'm on all the socials.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for being open because people like you are going to be the transformation that so many of us are desperate to create. Desperate to create is an interesting description. So yearning for, moving towards, inspired for. Because I'm still learning to fight against. I'm still learning to let go of the fighting against thing, obviously. And that's okay. And if you are too, we can do it together.

Thanks for listening. And in the words of Oron "Go, well."

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